summertime...when the livin's easy

i, gerry dorsey, declare today the official first day of summer. mother nature says the first day of summer isn't for another month, but say bs. its memorial day weekend, the temps are creepin' up into the 90's, and i'm popping my 2008 lake cherry tomorrow. for those of you not familiar with the area, that means the party cove on lake lewisville. now i am getting too old, and am too spoken for to truly "particpate" in the "activities" of the party cove, but it sure is fun to drink mass quantities of beer and watch the debauchery. everybody have a safe and happy memorial day weekend, and for god's sake try not to buy too much $4 gas. something that does not require any gas is this video of the party cove.

why i love hockey...and you should too

this blog has been paying a fair amount of attention lately to the nhl, and more specifically the dallas stars. i realize for all 6 of rico's readers, hockey ranks somewhere right around bama golf (which by the way, bama has a hockey team...no bullshit). i have to admit that before i moved to dallas 6+ years ago i never really gave a damn about hockey either. but once you are truly exposed to it, get to watch it live, and develop a relationship with a team, it is an awesome sport...particularly nhl hockey. and each year my fandom grows a little bit. here are just a handful of the reasons i love the nhl, especially this time of year:

intensity-and i don't mean violence, but i'll get to that too. i mean that it keeps you on the edge of your seat, and your team's fate can change in the drop of a hat. as i watched the stars this postseason, i was constantly yelling at the tv due to a turnover, a breakaway, a penalty/power play, or a goal. in a sport where games are often decided by one measly goal, every second counts. and god forbid you get caught up in a sudden death ot playoff hockey game. you'll be pacing your living room like a fucking mad man.

blue collar attitude-we live in a sports world dominated by assholes who want to have the biggest contracts, the coolest cars, the most endorsements, and an episode of cribs...but then you have hockey. in an nba locker room, you would probably get "mad props" for signing a huge new endorsement deal with gatorade. in the nhl, your teammates would probably sneak into your backyard and fill your pool with fruit punch for being a sell out douchebag. it seems they tend to keep each other in check and humble like that. more simply, there are no chad johnson's or t.o. owens' in the nhl.

playoff beards/superstitions-what dude who has the ability to grow facial hair doesn't like to have a little fun with it every now and then?? well in the nhl they do it every postseason...some with more success than others. plus i'm just a fan of superstitions in general, and hockey has no shortage. lucky sticks, lucky socks, lucky jerseys...but one of my favorites is not touching any of the bullshit tropies you and your squad pick up along the way, b/c all you're interested in touching is lord stanley's cup. (click for larger)

looky but no touchy
the violence-obviously everyone, hockey fan or not, loves to watch the fights, but even outside of that, there are the huge checks. its all the high speed impacts you love about football, but in addition to open ice hits, they also get to slam opponents into the boards. brilliant.

game speed-for the most part during a hockey game, the clock is rolling. hockey games frequently run 4 and 5 minutes off the clock without a stoppage. and more importantly, when they do, it is brief. this really helps establish a flow to the game that often hurts other sports. i do wish they would make the intermissions shorter, but oh well...i never said hockey was perfect.

toughness-if they can skate, they play. by the end of the playoffs, the stars had a number of guys who had every right to sit out a game, but never did. i also love that despite the highly physical nature of the game, the nhl playoffs go at it every other night, no questions asked. none of the thursday night game/tuesday night game like the nba. as another example, i knew the stars were toast on in game 6 when the red wings' kris draper scored a goal off of his face. a fucking puck bounced off of his face into the goal and he barely even missed any time. nothing a few stitches can't fix.


the handshake-after every playoff series, the teams line up and shake hands just like when you were in little league. i love this. it shows that despite doing anything and everything to win the series, both legal and illegal, i still have respect for you and wish you no ill will. this just goes hand in hand with the whole humble/blue collar aspect.

the cup-the greatest trophy in all of sports. oh yes it is. first and foremost there is only one stanley cup, and it has every winner's name engraved on it. there isn't one made for everybody's trophy case like in most sports. but then there are the traditions. the hoisting of the cup after winning, drinking champagne out of the cup, and my favorite, the players' day with the cup. you can take it to a bar, you can throw it into your pool, and much, much more.

oh to be the stanley cup
so there you have it. the stanley cup finals between the red wings and penguins starts tomorrow night, so do yourself a favor and check it out. this series will likely feature more speed and finesse than violence, but it should be exciting hockey nonetheless.

sec baseball tourney: day 3

another quality day of baseball in hoover yesterday. the only real drama was saved for the late game as ole miss' michael guerrero hit a walk off 2 run dinger in the bottom of the 9th. i mentioned yesterday that i was concerned about bama having the quick turn around after playing the late night game. well righty austin hyatt made it easy on the rest of his teammates by tossing the complete game 4 hitter, including retiring 20 straight bulldogs at one point. the loss sent #1 seed uga home, with #3 seed florida joining them as the first teams to get eliminated. the tigahs extended their streak to 18 games, which is impressive no matter how you look at it. here's hoping the bats go cold as the games get bigger.

day 2 results
game 5 #7 south carolina 11, #3 florida 3
game 6 #5 bama 5, #1 uga 2
game 7 #2 lsu 8, #6 vandy 2
game 8 #8 ole miss 8, #4 kentucky 7

day 3 schedule
Game 9-3pm #7 south carolina vs. #6 vandy
Game 10-6:30pm #5 bama vs. #4 kentucky

dallas sports quick hits: rangers and 'roids

-who had may 21st in the "milton bradley loses his shit" office pool?? last night in the third inning milton was tossed for arguing balls and strikes. shockingly he took his medicine and hit the showers without thowing anything onto the field or into the stands.

-in slightly more shocking news, ranger's manager ron washington's ass is in fact not attached to the ranger's bench as previously suspected. mr. soul glo came out in defense on milton bradley and promptley got himself tossed. it was the first ejection of the year for both, but who didn't see the milton bradley thing coming??


-name this pitcher:
season: 3-0, 2.95 era, 2-1 k/bb ratio, .268 opp. batting avg.
last night: cg, 6 hits, 1 earned run, 5 k's, 1 bb
if you guessed the ranger's own sidney ponson, you are correct. really?? sidney fucking ponson??? given the injuries and general mediocrity of this staff, sidney has been huge thus far. keep it up sid.

-mike modano has announced he will return for a 19th season. mikey mo, who will turn 38 in june, said that he doesn't think assistant gm brett hull would let him retire even if he wanted to. modano can still be a valuable asset provided he understands his role on the team.

-and finally in dallas/national news, dallas 'roid kingpin david jacobs met with the nfl yesterday to give the names of all the players he has sold "product" to. saints' lineman matt lehr's name has been all over this investigation, and lehr was suspended for 4 games for using banned substances as a falcon in 2006. mr. lehr has an affinity for bodybuilding and likes to run with this crowd, including david jacobs. hey matt, why don't you not get suspended while you're with the saints...that'd be great.

oh look...matt lehr hanging with a convicted 'roids dealer (and a "shim")

sec baseball tourney: day 2...no rest for the weary

well day 1 is in the books. as mentioned here yesterday, the tigahs took the first game in dramatic style with a walk off dinger in the 10th. that's right tigahs...you stay hot for just a couple more days...then cool off. speaking of cooling off, the tide took the loss in the late game last night...emphasis on "late." the bama/kentucky game started at 10:45 last night, which means it probably ended sometime after 2am. their reward for losing in the middle of the night?? they get to show up at the park before noon this morning to prepare for a 1pm game with uga. look for bama pull the old "2 and 'que" this afternoon. day 1 results and day 2 schedule below.

day 1 results
game 1 #2 lsu 5 vs south carolina 4 (10 innings)
game 2 #6 vandy 7 vs #3 florida 3
game 3 #8 ole miss 4 vs #1 uga 1
game 4 #4 kentucky 9 vs #5 bama 3

day 2 schedule
game 5-10am #7 south carolina vs #3 florida
game 6-1pm #1 uga vs #5 bama
game 7-5pm #2 lsu vs #6 vandy
game 8-8pm #8 ole miss vs #4 kentucky

sec baseball tourney: day 1

i meant to get this post up earlier, before any games started, but i suck. its day 1 of the sec baseball tourney from its traditional hoover, al location. lsu and the cocks kicked the day off with lsu coming out on top 5-4 in 10 innings. is that 17 in a fucking row?? in any event, the today's remaining games are as follows:

game 2 2:20 pm #6 vandy vs. #3 florida
game 3 5:00 pm #8 ole miss vs. #1 uga
game 4 8:00 pm #5 bama vs. #4 kentucky

happy 56th birthday mr. t

gettin' dat jerry jones money bitch!!!

hey look...satan rosenpenis got another huge commission. this afternoon marion barber inked a 7 year $45 million deal, with $16 million guaranteed. now i'm not a cowboys fan by any means, but i love me some marion barber. he keeps his mouth shut, and then punches you in yours. why so much money?? this is why.

obligatory no hitter post

most no hitters don't really carry a huge story with them...they just happen. unless some dude strikes out 16+ in the process, there just isn't a whole lot to talk about other than the rarity of the whole thing. however, jon lester's no hitter for the red sox last night seems to carry a higher level of factoids with it than most.

-the most obvious is the fact that that guy had freaking cancer 2 years ago
-it was the 18th no hitter in red sox history, but the first by a lefty since mel parnell in 1956
-it was the fourth no hitter caught by jason varitek, which is freaking unreal. many believe he could have six if both pedro and schilling hadn't shaken him off and gotten roped in the 9th inning of their no hitter bids
-the red sox are the first team to have mlb's back to back no hitters since the angel's nolan ryan threw one in both 1974 and 1975
-it is only the second time the royals have been no hit. the previous time was in 1973...by nolan ryan (bad motherfucker ya think??)
-you would nail jon lester's girlfriend

yes you would. don't even act like you're too cool for her

it was fun while it lasted

the 2007-2008 campaign came to an end for two overachieving teams last night. unfortunately they both went out with a wimper.

the hornets were chasing all night, and never seemed to threaten to take the game away from the spurs. last night was the first time the hornets looked to be in awe of their postseason surroundings. despite it being over, any hornets fan would be crazy to not be more than satisfied with how this season went. in addition, the future is ridiculously bright for this young squad. congrats on a fine season hornets.


what more can i say about the stars?? not only did they exceed everyone's expectations, but they have set themselves up well for the future in terms of acquisitions and getting a lot of their young talent playing time. the stars are everything that the sackless mavs are not...gritty, determined, and resilient. they gave the city of dallas a sports boner after watching every one of its teams choke on the big stage in one form or another over the last few years. so congrats to the dallas stars...you took down two great hockey teams, and took a third to 6 games.


and in bonus "it was fun while it lasted news," dan morgan retired yesterday before playing a single snap as a new orleans saint. multiple concussions and an achilles injury ultimately did in the linbacker from "da u." i was not big on this signing from the word go, so i'd personally rather see him retire, than make the roster and be a liability...or even worse get freaking brain damage. happy trails mr. morgan.

ncaa quick hits...and then some

-the "4 letter word" has its latest "reports" from the sec east and west. i consider most of this info to be pretty useless, but its probably enough to get your football wienie wigglin' 100 days out.

-in "you'd be surprised how many people actually give a shit about this" news, alabama and coca cola are partners once again. while i prefer my bourbon with water, i'd much rather have bourbon and coke rain down on my head after a crucial play than bourbon and pepsi.

-paul finedouche offers his take on jimmy dix's transfer to jax state. i only offer it up b/c i think its a pretty good take on the situation. the saga of jimmy dix is not even close to over, so stay tuned.

-PETE ROSE CAUGHT SELLING DRUGS!!! no, not that pete rose. its actually virginia tech stud qb recruit peter rose. if it was the other pete rose, the last dragon would be curled up in the fetal position in the nearest corner crying his eyes out.

-and for the homos who watch women's sports, don't forget that its american idol finale time. the following video may be the only good thing to ever come out of american idol...well, that and carrie underwood's pooper of course.

Are the Tigers Back?

Since there has been a lack of Tiger coverage since Jimmy Dix was sent packing, I thought it was about time that some coverage was given to the LSU Baseball Team. You may ask what they have done lately which is deserving of such coverage. They have only won 15 straight games (including 11 straight SEC games), and have clinched the SEC West. Now, by no means do I think that the current Tigers are close to being like the Tigers of the 90's. However, I was a huge fan of the Paul Mainieri hire a few years ago, and thought that he was solid bet to get LSU back to yearly playoff contention, something that the former hire had let go up in "Smoke".

Now you may say that the SEC West is somewhat mediocre this year, but 15 games in a row is pretty damn impressive, and they have done it against teams on both sides of the conference. The Tigers are the hottest team in the country, and they may have extended the great Alex Box tradition for one more weekend by securing a Regional for the upcoming National Tourney. The Box has been the host of 16 previous Regionals, and it would be pretty damn cool to see it host one more being that it's the very last year that the current Box will be in use. The Tigers move to the new Alex Box next year.

So here's to hoping that LSU finishes off Auburn today at 2 p.m. in Plainsman Park for it's fourth consecutive SEC series sweep, and continues with a strong showing in the SEC Tournament. GO TIGERS!

gerry's non-wedding weekend

guess who isn't going out of town or going to a wedding this weekend. THIS GUY that's who...and i'm pretty damn psyched about it. i've got a pretty nice little weekend lined up if i do say so myself. i'm going to start the weekend with a little comedy by going to see george lopez. i don't know if you've seen this guy's stand up, or if you think its as funny as i do, but this guy is f'ing genius. i think his hilarity is directly proportional to the amount of mexicans you know/interact with.

then on saturday, i'll be starting off with a little tailgating before taking in a little lone star series (rangers v. astros), as they battle for the coveted(?) silver boot. the rangers have seemingly come together of late winning 6 straight series for the first time since '99 and 11 of their last 15, bringing them to 20-22. only one problem...the astros are even hotter. they've won 12 of 15 and lance berkman has the hottest bat in baseball.

"really?? we're playing for this??"
however, win or lose, the game will be immediately followed by more beer and a robert earl keen concert right outside the stadium. so everyone have a great weekend, b/c i'm planning on doing just that.

why i hate the spurs...and you should too

so in the post below, the last dragon commented that he doesn't "get the hate for the spurs." now i can understand (sort of) somebody just disagreeing and saying that they don't have a problem with the spurs, but to say you don't "get it" blows my mind. they are the biggest bunch of euro (or euro influenced) flopping, whiney baby, "every foul called on me is a bad call" titty babies in the world. and proof that i'm not the only one who thinks so, it took me all of about 10 minutes to gather up these pics and videos that are VERY widely available.

first...the whining, crying, palms up, foot stomping, tantrums.


then the other half of the team is borderline (if not 100%) dirty, and still has the nerve to act like they should never have a whistle blown on them. and that includes the human highlight reel that is bruce bowen.

uh oh

things just got interesting hornets fans. the spurs are not a team you want to be in a game 7 with. and i think most hornets fans are also beginning to see why mavs fans hate the shit out of the spurs. now you get to wait until monday to watch game 7 b/c the nba is the gayest of all the professional sports leagues. however this may benefit the hornets and david west's ailing back (see below).

fan up bitches!!

i will be holding my own personal yellow out here in dallas tonight. the hornets welcome the spurs to town for what will hopefully be the deciding game as the hornets lead 3 games to 2. i will be pulling for the hornets b/c...

a) i'm always a fan of pulling for the team who knocked your squad out
b) my new orleans roots
c) i fucking hate the spurs

so here are the motivational videos for the hornets fans.

delaying the inevitable

its a nice consolation prize to not get swept, but unfortunately its only a matter of time. marty turco was once again a bad ass saving 34 of 35, including staving off a 6 on 4 AND a 6 on 3 in the closing minutes. the fact of the matter is the red wings are a much better team than the stars...and anyone else in the western conference for that matter. on top of that the stars have had a much tougher and longer road through the playoffs than the wings. however, you won't get any excuses from this stars fan. the wings have 3 players that are arguably the best at their position in the entire league in zetterberg, datsyuk, and lidstrom. the stars are a good team, but don't have any one individual player that can take over a game. look for this series to end on saturday as the stars return to joe louis arena, a building that completely owns them.

jimmy dix is a cock

it appears to be official that a favorite of this blog, one jimmy dix, will be attending jacksonville state in the fall. i'm sure this will a recipe for success for all parties involved.

i for one am really bored with the world of sports today. so in honor of the rumors of tony romo and jessica simpson breaking up, i bring you...senseless jessica simpson side boob.

tony romo: better at banging hot blondes than singing

what day is this??

once again i have returned triumphant from my third consecutive wedding weekend. also once again i find myself in a 4 day work week...so i've got that going for me...which is nice. i've spent the last 3 weekends driving, flying, getting wasted, not sleeping, and becoming a connoisseur of both road trip food AND reception food. while the wedding and traveling gods were smiling upon me during this time, the football gods were clearly kicking me in the nuts. lets review the three groom's cakes that i had to be in the same room with in chronological order (excuse crappy cell phone pics).

that you roscoe??
yes that is beer in a groom's cake. that's how we do it in coonass country
war plaintigersmen!!
a few final juicy tidbits from the very end of my journey which brought me to tuscaloosa. first off all, i know i'm way behind the curve, but i just discovered guitar hero on wii...fucking crack cocaine i tell you. then i went to outback with the fam and sat next to the wilson family...i.e. john parker and ross. as far as first impressions go, ross "looks" like a much better athlete, but then a lot of qb's don't look athletic. i resisted every urge to go say something to one or both of them, including going to get a closer look at the 20 year piece of arse jpw had with him. and as final note, i pull into an exxon to get some desperately needed hydration supplies and what do i see, but this...

what the world would look like if darren mcfadden had gone to rocky top
i'm so out of tune with the sports world right now, that i don't even know where to begin. i'll see if i can't get back on track by this afternoon.