Tuesday, July 31, 2007

fall practice is about to start!!! get ready!!!

By B.J. Bennett southernpigskin.com Senior Editor Attempting to explain the relevance, and importance, of college football in the south.

Simply put, it's different down here - just ask former Heisman Trophy winner Frank Sinkwich. "I'm from Ohio," the University of Georgia legend once said, "but if I'd known what it was like down south, I would have crawled down here on my hands and knees." Football in the south is an interesting beast. It's not a game, it's not a pastime...it's a way of life. It's a mixed drink of family, religion, politics and pageantry, spiked with shots of antagonism, arrogance and pride. . Critics label our view of college football as naive and tendentious. Our response? We couldn't agree more. Southerners revel in regional bias and why shouldn't we? In the south, we transform a vast picnic area into The Grove. We see a stadium on the river and bring a Navy. We take a plain desert stone and make it magic. We have The Chop, The Chomp and The Ramblin' Wreck. We root for the same team as our dad, the same team as his dad and say "to hell" with the team of your dad's dad. We call players by their first names, anyone on the athletic staff "coach", and to the chagrin of media pundits and those who just don't understand, we say "we". Southern football is why my grandmother spent fall Saturday's in orange capris, blue Reebok classics and alligator jewelry and had a football card of Danny Wuerffel taped to her dresser. It's the same reason why my mom can't watch the fourth quarter, my dad won't watch the first quarter and my uncle and his two sons have walked around Valdosta, Georgia with a little more pep in their step since December 7th, 2002. Southern football isn't tailgating, it's all-nighting. It's not about painting your face; it's about painting your chest. It's not about grills, it's about cookers. Inside the stadium, you don't talk to your neighbors, you yell at them. Those around you aren't strangers; they're 80,000 of your closest friends. You don't go on the road when you travel to see your team play...you go home. Down here, you're not born a boy or a girl; you're born a Gamecock or Tiger. Down here, football is just as entrenched in our culture as Jesus, sweet tea and barbeque sandwiches. We say "Yes Ma'am" and "No Sir", but we also say "Roll Tide", "War Eagle" and "Pig Sooey". Down here, "two plus two equals third down and six". Southern football is why you drive through Wrightsville, Georgia and see "The Home of Herschel Walker" on Highway 15. It's why hundreds of adults in the state of Alabama are named "Bear". Southern football is Billy Cannon, Bo Jackson and Archie, Eli and Peyton Manning. It's Bobby Bowden, Vince Dooley and the Ole' Ball Coach. Its detergent boxes under toilet paper, frat boys in team-colored pants - its Lynyrd Skynyrd and Molly Hatchet in button-down shirts, Southern Living with a cowboy hat; it's a clash of styles that produces a scene often imitated but never duplicated. Ever. The setting? So picturesque you don't want to touch it, yet so enthralling you just can't let it go. It's a similar one in Knoxville, Tennessee, Starkville, Mississippi and Blacksburg, Virginia, and it has been for years. Southern football is Erik Russell joking, "We don't cheat at Georgia Southern, that costs money and we don't have any." It's John Heisman saying, "It’s better to have died as a young boy than to fumble the football." It's Bobby Dodd saying he'd rather face the lions in the coliseum than the Tigers in Baton Rouge. Its Clemson fans stating they would rather be on probation than lose to Furman. The players, the coaches and the rivalries are captivating here in the south. Florida-Georgia weekend causes more people to call in sick on Monday morning than the stomach flu and strep throat, Alabama-Auburn divides households, neighborhoods and the entire state, and The Egg Bowl is a true late November fixture. The storylines are just as alluring. Think "The Choke at Doak", "Lindsay Scott!!" or the 1961 Clemson-South Carolina game where a group of USC students impersonated the Tiger football team in pre-game warm-ups, catering to the crowd and the band before flopping all over the field and mocking Clemson's agricultural background with milking hand-motions. Though the press tries to hype the last week in the regular season as rivalry week, every week is rivalry week in the south. Something down here makes this game different. College football has a legitimate influence on state government, a major affect on commerce and local economies and is the lifeblood and pulse of God's country. Perhaps former Tennessee Volunteer radio personality George Mooney put it best. "Southerners are proud of their football heritage, their schools, and their teams. And they share a deep pride that goes with being from the South," he said. It's a match made, and currently outplayed, in heaven.

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Monday, July 30, 2007

monday linkavitch

two quick sec media days day 3 links:

-the big white hat does a little crawfishin'.

-a few other media days quick hits.

-a sad day for all football fans, as bill walsh leaves us.

-the coach who calls this play on 11 year olds should be flogged

-and now your weekly family guy moment....ollie williams.

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Friday, July 27, 2007

sec media days: day dos

-apparently nick saban is instituting the ever popular kangaroo court. i'm sure he is ultimately judge, jury......and executioner.

-sly croom's boys should really aim higher. apparently their goal last year was to beat a 6-6 team.

-fucking animals i tell you....
"He (saban) said one of his administrative assistants, who worked with him at LSU, had her tires slashed at a wedding in Baton Rouge -- a backlash of him taking the Alabama job."
****EDIT****i've been informed by an lsu fan (who may or may not contribute to this site) that the tires were not "slashed", merely relieved of the burden of any and all air they contained. therefore, the dumbass in this story is clearly nick saban for misleading everyone, not the fucking degenerate lsu fan who committed the act of vandalism on an innocent bystander. i know if i walked out of a wedding and found my tires simply flattened and not slashed, i would rejoice.

i'm with tim hardaway

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

everybody loves sec media days

some nuggets from day 1

-the ole ball coach is gaining confidence again....and you know what that means

-quentin groves thinks nick saban has time for his shit

-more spurrier.....unplugged

-sec overview

-not really a whole lot to post yet, b/c the coaches haven't really started to talk yet. hopefully day 2 will be more eventful. stay tuned.

sec media days: it's like spring break for the obc

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

my eyes are watering and my face hurts

i fucking dare you not to laugh at this redneck. proof that laughter is contagious.

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Monday, July 23, 2007

i must break you

so finally after months of lying in the corner naked, in the fetal position, in a puddle of my own sweat, going through withdrawals....we finally have a football pulse. training camps are kicking off this week....wednesday for the saints and cowboys specifically. however, the cowboys are homos for having camp INSIDE the alamo dome. training camp is supposed to be hell....not climate controlled. rocky and drago think the cowboys are pussies.

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monday linkavitch

british open stuff:

-why has boo weekley skyrocketed to the top of my list of favorite golfers?? well a) the dude sported mossy oak sleeves in freakin' scotland where those euros no doubt weren't sure what to make of him.

-and b) check out this excerpt from an interview with the florida panhandle redneck and admitted huge alabama football fan.

-on another fashion note, i was pulling against sergio, not only b/c he's a douche bag, but b/c his gay little outfits were annoying the shit out of me.

other stuff:
-fucking tragedy right here....that's all there is to it.

-is this video footage of that asshole nba ref fixing games??? you be the judge.

-and now....to end with some funny. more family guy...this week it's not back to the future....it's ferris bueller.

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Friday, July 20, 2007

Chicago loves LSU

Don't look now, but former LSU Tigers Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot are fast becoming household names with Chicago Cubs fans. I've even seen Cub fans with LSU shirts and caps during games and SportsCenter highlights. Apparently, I'm not the only one who has noticed either.

On a side note, for all of you LSU haters (which I know there are plenty), I'm pretty sure you will get a kick out of the the following story: clicky

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

boom goes the dynamite

now this site has been, and will often be, a place to bust aggie balls, but this hit is just unreal. quentin coryatt was indeed a man amongst boys.

i'm sure the "wrecking crew" will be back this year....right???

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

it's british open time.....

pretty much just looking for an excuse to post this picture. go boo weekley.

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Who let the dogs........Fight?

I'm now beginning to understand why baby brother Marcus is such a screw up. Way to go Killa-V! You just threw your entire career away for what.......Dog Fighting? This is beginning to play out like the Maurice Clarett story on steroids!

This picture is Mike's reaction after: a) one of his "fighting" dogs bit him in the ass. b) one of the dogs ate all of his future paychecks. c) Catching Marcus in bed with an underage fighting dog.

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ain't quittin' 'til i see my name on the fulmer cup leaderboard

turns out a third bama player was arrested over the weekend. it should be interesting to say the least to see how st. nick deals with these boys. apparently he's been out of town. probably just cruisin' the lake cooking up various punishments for these jerk offs.

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"Now" (Much like Oregon) is Stupid!

Finally, someone has voiced their opinion public displeasure over ESPN's "Who is Now" competition, which has been going on for the past few weeks. I personally cannot remember a past competition that is as irrelevant as this complete waste of time. If ever there is a reason for college and pro football to save us from a summer of sports boredom it is now (no pun intended).

Enjoy Peter King's take:

--I'll be the first to admit that ESPN is full of wonderful programming, but whoever thought up this idiotic "Who's Hot Now" bracket and debate needs some sort of reality check. The aim, evidently, was to find the 32 hottest/most talented/handsome (I guess)/People-magazinish athletes in the world, pair them off against each other, and see who is the most "now'' guy. I got a kick out of Matt Leinart being in it, with the ESPN anchor talking about him like he's one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. Injecting performance into the debate made this all the more laughable, seeing that Leinart was the 23rd-rated quarterback in the league last year, completed 56.7 percent of his passes, with a minus-1 TD-to-interception ratio. And the panel discussions arguing the levels of nowness. Silly, silly stuff. Poor Mike Wilbon. This is why ESPN lured one of the best columnists and journalists in America to work there full time, so he could debate who's more "now'' -- Kobe Bryant or some soccer player from Brazil?

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Monday, July 16, 2007

monday linkavitch

some monday quick links. enjoy.

-i guess the moral of this article is if you're going to cheat....at least win. sorry ags

-keep your eye on bama making their fulmer cup debut in the next day or two for fightin' in da club. as a funny sidenote, this is the bar i used to work at.

-i know we've all seen it, but this little bastard deserves every ounce of hype that comes his way. make it rain bitch!!!

-two funny lebron links. i stumbled across this one, while looking for this one.

-some family guy funniness. i know we all love this scene from back to the future, so check out this family guy take. THIS IS YA COUSIN!!!!

-if you run on the field at "the bob" you will get dealt with....and they DO NOT discriminate. the song blows fairly hard....so feel free to fast forward to around the 2:50 mark.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Closet Tiger

Has anyone noticed, that for a guy who takes every opportunity to hate on LSU, he sure seems to end up in their colors a lot?

Example 1:

That fit looks a little too comfortable for a true BAMA fan.

Example 2:

The boy even flexes LSU when he's dressed up in nice digs!

Let us all join in and congratulate our dear friend for finally being honest to all of us, as well as himself, by coming out of the "LSU Closet" and showing his true colors. Thank you Whitey. Your courage is very inspiring.

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Friday, July 13, 2007

I've Officially Struck out a Major League Ball Player

Ok, so what if it was when I was a little league player. It still counts.....right? All kidding aside, it looks like our short friend is doing quite well for himself with the Cubbies.

Fontenot Leads Entire NL in June Batting
(07/10/2007) BY MLB.com
By Carrie Muskat
PITTSBURGH -- If you would've asked former LSU second baseman Mike Fontenot on March 1 if he'd be on the Cubs' Major League roster at the All-Star break with a .360 average, he would've laughed.
"To be honest, not at all," Fontenot said Saturday, when asked if he thought he'd be on the big league team at this point.
"I thought I'd play this year and try to put up good numbers in Des Moines [with Triple-A Iowa]," the rookie second baseman said. "I was going to be a Minor League free agent after this year, and then see what happened."
Instead, Fontenot was runner-up in the National League Rookie of the Month voting in June after leading the league with a .397 average. He has hit safely in 22 of 26 games since his call-up from Iowa on June 9.
"It's really nice," Fontenot said of his surprising first half. "I wouldn't imagine I'd be here, or get the chance to play like I have been in the last month. It's been great so far."
It'll be a pleasant All-Star break for the young infielder, who was 4-for-9 in his last two games, and hitting .360 overall.

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getting to know your favorite hardass

"in my own words:nick saban"
premiering on fox sportsouth, saturday, july 14th at 9:30pm central.
re-airing monday july 16th at 4pm central, july 17th at 10pm central, july 18th at 8:30pm central.

i don't know how else i can say it!! i don't know why you keep asking!!

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Bow to your sensei!!

I see Rex Kwon Do is recruiting new members. Too bad this chimp wasn't at the boxing press conference yesterday. Maybe he could have restored some order. And no more flying solo. You think this chimp got were he is today by dressing like Peter Pan?? No way.......

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Thursday, July 12, 2007

me no speaky

it isn't very often that boxing will find a place on this site. hell everyone i know would much rather watch some mma than boxing anyway. and press conference fighting/pretend fighting seems to be about par for the course as well. however, talking shit through an interpreter is geeeeeeeenius. enjoy this little nugget from the vargas/mayorga presser yesterday.

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VIVA THE BULLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This shit is awesome. Bulls declare victory. Be sure to view the video too. Now I'm no tree hugging PETA freak, but I love seeing the bulls get a little revenge. Especially when there are jackasses pointlessly beating them with sticks. Hook 'em!!!!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

how about a kick to the fupa??

turns out stewart mandel thinks old manteets is one of the 5 worst coaches in college football.

"Having now had four years to gauge Coach Fran's tenure in College Station, I think we can safely describe it in one word: disappointing (15-17 Big 12 record). A program like A&M's should never be this mediocre for this long."

it may have been a tough road, but i think it's safe to say that bama has come out ahead in the coach fran situation....and that's before st. nick even coaches a game.

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black and gold bowties??

apparently while i was
in the black hole of oregon,
the saints signed dhani
jones to play linebacker.
he and his bowtie company
are not very intimidating
to say the least. somewhere
dick butkus is kicking
his dog.

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i just don't get it....

...why are bama fans always stereotyped and insane rednecks who live in the past and are without a firm grip on reality???

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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

stewart mandel's superconference idea clarified

this is interesting to say the least. i think most of us read the original idea a week or so ago. here is the follow up. i'm sure it will never happen, but if this is what it takes to get to a 32 team playoff....i'm in.

"Let me just reiterate that no such move is remotely imminent and it was purely speculative on my part. That said, I kind of miss the conference musical-chairs game everyone was playing back when the ACC dominos began falling, so why not play this thing out for the fun of it? What I envision is a flat-out demolition of the existing conference model to be replaced by eight NBA/NFL-like geographic "divisions" that feed into the inevitable 32-team playoff.

Here's what the eight divisions -- comprising 76 of the current 119 Division I-A schools -- might look like. Divisions with 10 teams would play three non-conference games. Divisions with nine teams would play four."

Northeast (9): Boston College, Connecticut, Maryland, Penn State, Pittsburgh, Rutgers, South Florida, Syracuse, West Virginia

Atlantic (9): Clemson, Duke, Florida State, Georgia Tech, Miami, North Carolina, N.C. State, Virginia, Wake Forest

Midwest (9): Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Michigan State, Northwestern, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Purdue, Wisconsin

Central (10): Arkansas, Baylor, Iowa, Iowa State, Kansas, Kansas State, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Texas Tech

The Old Metro Conference (9): Cincinnati, Louisville, Marshall, Memphis, South Carolina, Southern Miss, Virginia Tech, TCU, UCF

Southeast (10): Alabama, Auburn, Georgia, Florida, LSU, Kentucky, Ole Miss, Mississippi State, Tennessee, Vanderbilt

Southwest (10): Arizona, Arizona State, Colorado, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas, Texas A&M, UCLA, USC, Utah

West (10): Boise State, BYU, Cal, Fresno State, Hawaii, Oregon, Oregon State, Stanford, Washington, Washington State

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i'd say billy clyde did the right thing


or this??

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Monday, July 9, 2007

Oregon is Stupid: Part Deux

Alright, I promise not to cover any of the topics that have been previously discussed. I will preface my post by stating that I had a fucking blast hanging out with all of the guys this past weekend. I also realize that if all of us lived in the same town, we would probably consume the entire town/city/region, thus leaving only a path of destruction behind us (including our own livers).

Topic #1: Customer Service. Where do I begin on this one? Was it the socially retarded guy working the desk with absolutely no small talk skills or a sense of fucking direction? I specifically asked the dude for the quickest route to Bend from Portland instead of the "scenic" route of which he offered. Why the hell would we, a couple of twenty-something year old men, heading for a drunken week of debauchery and an occasional wedding, be interested in playing grab-ass with each other for an extra fucking hour while driving through the mountains together. I'm beginning to think the theme from "Brokeback Mountain" originated with this pillow-biter.

Maybe it was the lovely lady at the checkout window as we were leaving for our trip. Don't bark at me for our receipt when it is already sitting in your god damn hand. And when I ask a simple question like, "Do we need to fill up the gas tank before we return the car?", don't look at me like an idiot and reply back like a drill sergeant since socially retarded guy did not seem to go over any of the details.

Or how about the shuttle drivers? I don't know about you, but ramming a 30 pound bag through your customer's elbow causing it to bleed like a stuck pig is not going to earn you any tips. Neither is leaving customers behind when you were already informed by the central station to pick them up, and then arguing with your fellow employees about it. Congratulations mister shuttle driver, you are a limy prick!

I will say this, the look of horror from the pre-pubescent employee when he tried to roll down our driver side window, was completely worth all of the crap that we had to put up with. There is nothing quite like the sound of clubbing baby seals screeching about one inch from your ears while driving a vehicle.

Clubbing Baby Seals

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Topic #2: The weather. Seriously, did the weather channel and the town of Bend decide to get together and play a practical joke on us? Here we are, packing both summer and winter clothes due to the projected highs (80's) and lows (40's), only to land right in the middle of the fucking "High Desert" experiencing 103 degree heat. I don't care if it is a "Dry Heat", because it still gave me a serious case of "Swamp Ass".

Topic #3: The airport. The fine people at the Portland Airport like to brag about being voted #1 for their airport services. This is a farce. It took the Road Show 15 to 20 minutes to move 4 or 5 places in line, since the girls working the counter were obviously too busy eating their product instead of selling it. I don't care if you have the worst job in the world, take pride in whatever you do or get the hell out of the way to make room for someone who does. And don't get me started on the screening lines to enter your terminal. They had 8 (yes I said 8) stations for scanning people and their belongings, and they were only using two of them. What the hell is that all about? Had we taken the "scenic" route, that damn line would of been the death of us.

Topic #4: Pedestrian traffic. There isn't a damn traffic light anywhere within sight of downtown Bend, thus traffic has to yield to pedestrians. This may sound nice since we were doing more walking than driving while we were there, but we all looked like dumb-asses stumbling all over each other each time we came to an intersection since the concept of Bend traffic flow was completely foreign to us.

All in all, we had a great time. Not a bad place to visit, but would agree with the previous blog when it comes to living there.


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Bend it like Houston??

I can definetly relate to the wacky Oregon thing. I used to spend a couple of weeks there a year during my early 20's. One night I met a couple of chicks in a bar and went to get a "drunk meal" after we left. They order brie and pate. What the hell is that? Damn progressive liberal winches. Next thing you know they'll want to be playing fantasy games with the guys and shit. That's what I hear the chicks in Houston are like anyway.

This chick wants to welcome you to Houston.

This guy doesn't want you to see this pic.

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oregon is stupid

so the long anticpated trip to bend, oregon is in the books. observations???

--the microbrew is so prevalent out there that people actually hesitate when you order bud light and the like. however it does lead to even more drunken idiocy since the microbrew, like canadian beer, is like moonshine.
--although a beautiful place to visit, i could never live there due to the tree hugging, planet saving, dread lock wearing, bike/skateboard riding, liberal assed hippie that dominates the population there. screw the planet.
--oregon chicks are ugly. leading us to create terms like "bend 10." a "bend 10" is defined as a woman who creates a tingle in your pants only b/c you are stranded in bend, oregon, but would likely only be a 6 or 7 back down below the mason-dixon line.

for the record, we had a blast. that being said, me and the rest of the slidell boys could have fun anywhere at anytime with anyone.

this chick wants to welcome you to bend

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the last dragon is a dumbass who can't figure out how to insert a title

Why can't I put a title on this damn thing? I'm such an amateur. Oh well........

You gotta love this. The Phils are the best for this shit. Damn funny but this was a cool move.

And of course as a dad I know you can't let anyone bully your son. Those silly auto racers.

(ed: title supplied by gerry dorsey)

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Friday, July 6, 2007


Well. Our boy Peck went touring the world earlier this year. He kept us updated with tales and photos of far away lands. I saw pictures of city skylines, great architectural structures, art museums, and crowds having huge tomato fights. (I did not see enough pictures of hot pieces of Euro ass. Don’t they even have hookers or something you could have sent us? But that’s a whole other topic for another time.) Each of these photo montages were accompanied with Peck stating how he could “stay here forever”. Alas………..when all is said and done, he just wasn’t able to fight his true calling. His heart kept telling him to do what any self respecting Aggie would do - open a po-boy/seafood store. See for yourself while I wipe away a tear of joy.

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Wednesday, July 4, 2007

joey is my hero

eatin' wienies

Good god man... 66??? How is that even possible? I know for a fact I haven't consumed 66 hot dogs in MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFETIME, let alone 12 minutes. Jesus...

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Tuesday, July 3, 2007

happy 4th of july

the oregon trip begins bright and early tomorrow. my goal for when i get back is to have this thing closer to working order. i will no doubt have many stories and pictures. also, some people need to gain posting priveleges....you know who you are. so until then....enjoy your holiday.

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introducing your new favorite website

welcome to my newest time waste. lord only knows how long it will take me to get the hang of this thing, and i'm sure it will continually evolve in the beginning, but know this....it is going to be pee your pants funny. in it's simplest form, this site will cut down on our emails, phone calls, text messages, etc and consolidate all of the hazing to a single format/location. in it's not so simplest form, i will be a professional blogger in a year. so go ahead and click "add to favorites," and let the games begin.

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