Friday, November 30, 2007

all these rumors...can't take it no mo'

the big white hat to michigan...saban to lsu...tubby to arkansas...spurrier to everywhere. last december i made a decision that i would never again believe any coaching rumors until i saw the man behind the podium in the [insert team color] tie, no matter what (fuck) espn or anyone else is saying. whenever i hear [insert big name coach] is heading to [insert big time program], with phrases like "done deal" attached to them...i now immediately picture this image in my head.

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get that winning feeling

wondering how you're going to buy your significant other that special christmas gift?? dead broke b/c you've been pissing away your money to your bookie trying to figure out the wackiest of college football seasons ever?? well all of that changes now. these picks will allow you to buy christmas gifts for your significant other AND that chick from the office you've been boning on the dirty bastard. picks are in red.

tulsa @ ucf (-7.5) 11am espn
both of these teams are pretty solid by cusa standards. ucf rb kevin smith is a beast who is the only man in america to rush for more yards than my boy matt forte of tulane. ucf beat tulsa earlier in the season, and they do it again.

army vs. navy (-14) 11am cbs
navy has way to much on the offensive side of the ball for army to hang with them for very long. could this be paul johnson's last time to battle army as the coach of the midshipmen?? is he heading to my stomping grounds to coach the ponies?? who knows, but army stole their goats and navy is going to make them pay.

bc vs. virginia tech (-4) noon abc
bottom line is i just feel like bc has been playing over their heads all season. va tech also seems to have their shit together after experiencing a lull midseason. bc pulled a win out of their ass in their first doesn't happen again.

lsu (-7.5) vs. tennessee 3:00pm cbs
reasons i like tennessee: coaching carousel bullshit/distraction, possible perrilloux appearance (he may have money on the vols too), other lsu injuries, and most importantly everything i see says lsu is going to crush them. the masses are almost always wrong.

ucla @ usc (-20) 3:30pm abc
usc is playing as well as anyone in america right now. ucla lost to fucking notre dame. not to mention usc owes the bruins in a big way after monkey wrenching their season last year.

pitt @ west virginia (-28.5) 6:45pm espn
i think wvu is right up there with usc and uga as teams who are playing the best football around right now. many are looking for the "top 2" jinx to jump up and grab the 'eers, but i think they get it done. and i don't even really dig wvu, though i am a fan of pat white...especially when he plays pitt.

missouri vs. oklahoma (-3) 7:00pm abc
much like wvu, i just feel like sooner or later some top ranked team has to come through. also, mizzou has their first meeting in the bag until they pissed it away in the 4th quarter. mizzou vs. wvu in the title game?? really??? where did we go wrong?

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Thursday, November 29, 2007

the biggest whore in the west??

there is all kinds of chatter tonight about tubs going to arky (here,here,and here). this would make his 3rd sec west team in 10 years...pretty damn impressive actually. obviously auburn officials are scurrying to issue denials, so this may or may not be happening...but there sure is a lot of smoke. next week has potential to be a veeeerrrrrry interesting week in the sec. talk amongst yourselves.

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i forget...which conference kicks the most ass??

if you're looking to attend the acc championship in jacksonville this weekend, there still plenty of good seats available. 20,000 to be exact, "which has city leaders concerned about the future of hosting the game." the big 12 is doing a little better for themselves with only about 5,000 tickets remaining. i mean come on, it is in freakin' san antonio. and last but not least, the sec. the ticket is so hot, that not only is it damn near impossible to get your hands on a ticket, but once you do you have to make sure the damn thing isn't counterfeit. there is only one reason tickets get counterfeited, b/c there is crazy demand for them. you think tickets have ever been counterfeited for north texas vs rice?? all of this demand for an sec championship game that is theoretically watered down given that this is the most combined losses ever brought into the matchup. no ticket information was available for the big 10 (11), big east, and pac 10 champioship games.

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now we're cookin'

lsu has granted permission to michigan to talk to les miles about their head coaching vacancy on one condition...they wait until after saturday. as far as i'm concerned this means that les will be the head coach at michigan the first half of next week...but i've been wrong before. on a more serious note, "when" les miles leaves for michigan, apparently (depending on who you ask) nick saban is going back to baton rouge to replace him...assuming steve spurrier, tommy tuberville, and jack del rio turn them down of course.

"good thing i kept all these purple shirts"

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

da roof is on fiyah!!!

reason #10,294 why its idiotic to roll your own campus, ya jackass.

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gerry's fandom

given the fact that the college football season is winding down, and will be becoming more sporadic once these coaching vacancies slowly get filled, i thought it might be a good time to address the direction of this blog. although ncaa football/bama football will always be the main focus of uncle rico, his interests extend well beyond. in the offseason, i will post interesting and funny stories from all sports (and some nonsports), some of which will focus on the teams of interest to me. so the next logical question is, who the hell are those teams?? well here they are...broken down into levels of interest. each team is listed by amount of interest within that given level as well. feel free to question, but before you do you should know i have very strict rules for both myself and others about whether or not one is "allowed" to be a fan of a team or not.

level 1 fandom-these teams cause me to lose sleep, have arguments, watch games while standing on my head if i think it will bring them luck, and develop ulcers. (added note: my bama fandom is for football, men's hoops, and baseball in that order. i don't give a shit about anything else)

level 2 fandom-i frequently, though not religiously watch these teams on tv. i keep an eye out for their highlights on sportscenter/local news/etc, and always have knowledge of their place in the standings/transactions/etc. though disappointed when they lose, it doesn't cause the mental and physcial anguish of the level one teams.

level 3 fandom-i follow these teams pretty casually. i want them to win, but am only upset for about 3 seconds when they don't. even so i can generally rattle off any key information regarding these teams.

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your first bama hoops post of the year

i meant to post this sooner, but between the holiday and monday bloody monday, i hadn't gotten around to it. it also has to do with the fact that i always have trouble getting into college hoops before january...i.e. when football is over and conference play begins. anyway, a couple weeks ago bama signed a small, but studly recruiting class in hoops. pulling in one 5 star (jamychal green) and two 4 stars (tony mitchell and andrew steele...yes, ronald's brother) leaving the tide ranked #12 by scout, and #10 by rivals. given ronald steele is taking a medical redshirt, i have very low expectations for this season, but high expectations for next season. i will say this about this year though...fear richard hendrix (above). tonight the tide (3-1)travels to college station to no doubt receive an ass whippin' by the #9 aggies (6-0) on espnu.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

upon further review...lsu is undefeated

...with two ties. this amazing tidbit of information was revealed at the big white hat's presser this morning.

“This team has not lost a game in regulation. I know it does not mean much to you guys (media.) The point is, in a 60 minutes game, we play as competitive as we can be. There is not a team that we have played that has bested us in the first 60 minutes. If you had to look at the length and width of the game, that is how it is measured. Then you go to overtime, and I think our overtime system is just as flawed as any other overtime system. It’s just the way it is and it is probably correct. You have to decide it then where it takes the length of the field and certain situations out of it. It is imperfect, but a darn good system. You tell me if there are other teams in this country that can say that. If you just give us ties, like in the old system, we are undefeated with two ties. Maybe that adds up as one lost.”
in a related story nick saban was quoted as saying "this is bullshit. we are undefeated...if you just add 8 points to our score at the end of each game."

"a game is only 60 minutes muthafucka!!!"

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i'd like to trade a crazy cajun for a crazy redneck

the ap is reporting that houston nutt has already been hired as the new coach at ole miss. oh how quickly this offseason is getting fun. even though i'm betting ole miss fans won't like it, i think its probably a pretty solid hire. now if only arky would hire the orgeron.

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tradgedy in the nfl

washington redskin sean taylor died this morning from injuries sustained after being shot during a home invasion early monday morning. he was only 24 years old. damn shame.

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southpark buffalos

proof that abc just doesn't give a fuck anymore...but it did kinda make me laugh.

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Monday, November 26, 2007

and another one gone, and another gone...

...another one bites the dust. the big nutt is out. i can't even keep up with all the heads rolling anymore. my post from this morning was obsolete the moment i pushed "publish." [UPDATE] it is already being reported that nutt is headed to ole miss. way to keep the insanity in conference.

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even if you were given a 20 yard running start you wouldn't be able to jump on this carousel

jeff bower is out at usm. it appears in the course of about 24 hours, they have accepted a bowl bid and gotten rid of their coach. not surprisingly, the mississippi media has it all fucked up. some say he resigned, other say he was fired. either way, let me be the first to say that this is a huge mistake by southern miss. this guy has been there since 1990, and has had 14 consecutive winning seasons at a school that only moderately gives a shit about football. it warrants mentioning that i grew up going to southern miss games. my neighbors were very big boosters, and my first college football experiences were all in hattiesburg (since it should go without saying i wasn't in baton rouge). i've always had a lot of respect for usm and for bower and wish bama still played them every year. bower was 119-82-1 at usm, and if i had a mid level bcs job opening, i would already be on the phone with this dude.

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the coaching carousel

let's all hop on board the carousel of happiness for a moment shall we? given the insanity of this season, there looks to be many job openings at some serious programs. those are the ones we'll be paying attention to. sure sonny lubick is probably out at colorado state, the question is do i (or you) give a shit?? not unless they hire someone amazing. so let's take a look at what we have so far.

lloyd carr got the carousel spinning by announcing his resignation following another loss to ohio state. i really thought this job would be the big white hat's for the taking, but it now appears he is at least third on the list of candidates behind iowa's ferentz and cincinnati's brian kelly. i think hiring ferentz would enrage michigan nation. and if you really want to keep up with this situation, there is no better place than mgo blog. this guy has been all over this story from the get go, including breaking the story of carr's resignation.

texas a&m
fran chose to make his exit immediately after whipping the ass of the longhorns. the ags are expected to name mike sherman head coach as early as within the hour. this can only mean one of two things. either they hired the first fuck who came along with a resume, or they have been doing behind the scenes dealings since they've known for weeks fran was toast. i think its somewhere in between. aggieville is not impressed. keep your eye on fran as well. in true carousel fashion, he may not be unemployed for long.

callahan was given the ax on saturday, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. the huskers wasted no time in getting in touch with lsu dc bo pelini, and after friday many lsu fans are ready to help him pack his bags. also seem to be interested in nebraska man turner gil.

ole miss
the orgeron also got his pink slip on saturday after pissing away a 14-0 lead with about 8 minutes left in the game against his most important rival. who the hell knows what ole miss is going to do?? i can't think of a single hire that they could make that would truly surprise me. more importantly, i hope the orgeron can catch on somewhere in the sec strictly for entertainment's sake.

other jobs to watch
arkansas-did houston save his job on friday? probably not
baylor-already open...if anyone cares
ucla-can you win your conference AND get fired??
pitt-the wannstache is killing them
iowa-should the ferentz rumors be true
louisville-word is kragthorpe is already antsy
georgia tech-nothing but mediocrity and possibly a waste of talent [EDIT] not 3 minutes after i post this, i read that chan is a goner. this carousel is really picking up speed.

candidates i can't believe aren't get more pub
paul johnson
charlie strong
skip holtz
chris petersen

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rivalry weekend in pics

right in the obc's face

finally getting healthy, the trojans looked really damn good this week

your heisman winner?? have you seen this guys numbers??

playing as well as anyone in the country...but its a little too late

would have to really crap their pants to not play for it all

a win and then the door for fran. hold the rope brother

congrats on a very solid season boys, you deserve it

the third best team in the sec east...yet they're going to atlanta

your new bcs #1...but for how long??

another #1 goes down

6 indeed

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Saturday, November 24, 2007

"we got dat wood!!"

houston nutt reminds everyone that he's crazier than a sack of rabid weasels, and d-mac informs les of the correct pronunciation of "our kansas."

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Friday, November 23, 2007

the hits just keep on comin'

...and aggieville rejoices

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bet the house on auburn tomorrow night...the football gods would never allow this much to go my way.

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

headin' to h-town for turkey, booze, and laziness

everyone have a safe and happy one. i'm planning on eating, drinking, and watching football until i pass out for the next 4 days. i will do some lazy posting if anything amazing happens (i.e. d-mac beating the tigahs, kansas winning by 30, etc), but no guarantees. a turk-a-la dee, a turk-a-lee dap, i love to eat da turkey and take a nap.

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war plainsmeneagletigers!!

i don't have the time or the stomach to break down this game. a team that entered the lsu game 3 weeks ago talking about sec west possibilities, is now praying to god they get to spend a week in beautiful shreveport, la. frankly if/when they lose on saturday i'd just assume they not go to a bowl game...but that won't happen. so for all intents and purposes i'd merely be breaking down the ways i think auburn is going to win the game...and you can go to an auburn blog if you want to read that shit. yes i'm afraid toomer's corner is going to get rolled on saturday night (i don't care what anyone says, this is one of the dumbest traditions ever...for the same reasons you never rolled your own fucking house in high school). as any auburn fan will tell you, they've won 5 straight iron bowls. however, even with that much dominance, they have all been close on the scoreboard. i say that trend continues.

prediction: bama-21 auburn-30

the setting: toomer's corner...11:30pm...saturday, november 24th, 2007

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forte for heisman update

this is the uncle rico series where i try to generate heisman hype for a hero from my hometown named matt forte. against rice on saturday mr. forte rushed for 195 yards and 5 td's on 39 carries, bringing the season total to 2007 yards...AND HE STILL HAS A GAME LEFT!! forte is only the 11th back in d-1 history to break the 2000 yard barrier, and the first since 2004. although he was knocked out of the running for the doak walker award, he was informed that he will be invited to the senior bowl. despite the crazy numbers, forte only has a 62 yard lead on kevin smith of central florida for the national rushing title. another strong showing on saturday against eastern carolina and forte is entering some historical territory.

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

iron bowl poon

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former tide player in fatal accident

siran stacy was involved in a horrible car accident near dothan, al late last night killing six. stacy is listed in stable condition after losing his wife and 4 of his children. i'm sure more details to come, but in any event this is some terrible shit. some happier times below.

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where exactly is "our kansas??"

unfortunately les it will never be "our" kansas...

i also wasn't aware you were "playing" for lsu

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Monday, November 19, 2007

now what??

well its official, the first major domino has toppled over. llllloyd has stepped down at michigan confirming what we already knew. now for what we don't know. the more i read, the more it appears that the big white hat is not a slam dunk choice for michigan. apparently little details like buyouts and politics may stand in the way of les going to ann arbor. i will say this though, i think the indecision is all on michigan's side. i think if they get their shit together and make les an offer, he goes. i think michigan is les' career goal, and he would go in a heart beat. having said this, i think the longer the process gets drawn out, the more likely the job is les' due to the fact that they will want to wait until lsu's season is played out. this is the first step in what will be a very interesting off season that will see many high profile jobs change hands.

"excuse me, do you have this in an xxl??"

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