Friday, August 31, 2007

mmmmmm.......pulled pork


even if you don't love the sec (you fucking communist!!), you have to love this love letter to southern footall. i'm not familiar with wright thompson, but reading this thing reminds me of being knee deep in jim beam at 10am on a saturday, only to stuff more beam into my boot to replenish all the booze i would lose via perspiration while watching the tide play in 90 degree heat in a 2:30 cbs game. and then i would be in a bar by 6pm drinking more jim beam so as to eliminate the semi-hangover i developed in the fourth quarter. if only uncle rico really HAD built a time machine.

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what the fuck is a catamount?!?

well its finally here. lsu/state got my wiener tingling last night, but it was merely a tease. now obviously i think bama is going to whip some catamount ass this weekend, but i’m expecting some shakiness. not so much on offense, but on defense. a thin defense made even thinner by suspensions, injuries, and the like is no bueno. the saban may get his man panties so wadded up over the d this week that he dresses out in week two to show these fags how its done (see sly croom). i anticipate the debut of “air applewhite” to go smoothly and hang the requisite amount of points despite being without starting wr keith brown due to suspension. hopefully this game will simply serve its purpose as a “preseason” game before the conference opener against “who knows what the hell they’ve got” vanderbilt.

prediction: bama – 58 catamounts – 17

saban rule # 364,122: you fuck with the hat and you will be suspended one game. now you can sit on the sidelines on saturday and think about what you've done keith brown.

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LOUISIANA POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE

welcome to uncle rico's all request hour...home of ask and ye shall receive blogging...especially if you are a loyal reader/contributor. rookie head coach/recruiting guru derek dooley has got expectaions sky high for the bulldogs (one would assume...i mean who can really tell), and you know he's going to be good b/c he's got the stink of lord saban on him. and as far as the poontang...not bad talent to be honest with you. VIVA RUSTON!!

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TOP 25 RECAP

alright folks. here is the complete list. i know it's tough to tell me what an asshole i am if you don't see this list in context. so critique away. click each team to see that team's summary.

1. USC
2. WEST VIRGINIA
3. VIRGINIA TECH
4. TEXAS
5. MICHIGAN
6. LSU
7. OKLAHOMA
8. LOUISVILLE
9. FLORIDA
10. WISCONSIN
11. GEORGIA
12. CAL
13. HAWAII
14. RUTGERS
15. AUBURN
16. NEBRASKA
17. GEORGIA TECH
18. TCU
19. UCLA
20. BOISE STATE
21. ARKANSAS
22. PENN STATE
23. SOUTH CAROLINA
24. MISSOURI
25. ALABAMA

"OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES"

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

WHAT TIME IS IT?!? GAME TIME!!

like a teenager who ordered porn through the mail, i've been checking my mailbox everyday, and its finally here. stupposedly there is something like 40 games being broadcast between tonight and monday night. so i hope you followed my advice regarding last weekend and made yourself useful, b/c that shit is a thing of the past. there are a handful of games tonight, but only one that i will truly be watching, and that is the boodawgs vs. tigahs. GO BOODAWGS (not fucking likely)!!!

something tells me there is no danger of an academic decathalon breaking out at tonight's game

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bobby in '07, tommy in '08, and mike price is skeered

it's being reported that bama and clemson are in talks for a neutral site game in '08 at the georgia dome. i for one think this would kick ass. if neutral sites is the only way to get these solid out of conference matchups then so be it. of course bama wouldn't even have an open date in '08 if mike price wasn't skeered to come back to t'town and face a student section full of stripper jokes.

"git yer ass back to the main stage bitch!!!"

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1. USC

what can you say about this ass kicking football factory that pete carroll has built??? 10 starters return on defense which has a chance to be the best defensive unit carroll has ever had. most of the interest is on the offensive side of the ball. john david booty returns for his senior year, but will be without the help of stud wr's dwayne jarrett and steve smith. however, they have numerous big, strong, fast wr's waiting in the wings led by 6'5" 230 lb patrick turner. i think most of us know that this team has tailbacks hanging out of it's ass (and won't even notice that moody transferred). when joe mcknight is no more than 3rd on your depth chart, this position is probably a strong point for your team. contrary to what many gigantic headed white hat wearers think, this schedule is no pushover. road games at nebraska, notre dame, oregon, and cal before ending the season with a chance to avenge last year's crushing loss to ucla. fear the trojan.


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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE - BE VERY AFRAID!!!

Sexual Chocolate once sang that "children are the future". If that's the case, then look out world, we could be in trouble. What kind of kid would give the double bird behind his mother? A renegade with no parental guidance I guess. Who is this kid's father anyway?

Do you want this kid in a position of power?

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thank god nick saban is a liar

first the rumor a month or so ago that there may have been a chance of houston nutt coaching at alabama, now the word is that bama may have tried to contact mack brown. i would like to point out that the mack's new salary has the potential to exceed nick saban's, so i'm sure there will be a huge uproar over this just like when bama signed saban. what??? nobody will give a fuck??? hmmmm...interesting.
mack: hey buddy...i make almost as much money as you do
mcconaughey: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT!!

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color the alabama defense fucked

the alabama defense is thin...i mean nicole richie thin. so nothing fucks that defense up more than a broken leg to a starting defensive lineman. the only reason i'm not crying myself to sleep about this is b/c i trust lord saban to find a way to make shit work. i know he will not sleep until his defense is at the very least "capable" (which is to say just north of shitty). bama nation bow your head...rest of the sec...laugh it up.

"hey major...yeah this is nick...you think you can squeeze 35pts a game out of that offense??"

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2. WEST VIRGINIA

big east = (). seriously though, this team is so ridiculously loaded in the backfield that rich rod is honestly considering throwing in some wishbone plays. pat white and steve slaton both return (both only jr's by the way), and if freshman badass/headcase noel devine can keep the voices in his head quiet through december, he can make an immediate impact. the only question on offense is who's the fastest?? however things get interesting on the other side of the ball. 7 starters return to the 3-3-5 (gay, gay, gay) defense that was routinely made to look foolish last year. however they do play in the big east, and will hang 40 points and 300+ yards rushing against most of their opponents both in and out of conference. much like an arena football team, if the defense can just come up with 3 or 4 stops against the likes of louisville and rutgers, there is no reason why this team won't go undefeated. beware couches of morgantown.

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

SHORT AND SWEET

I know this is probably how Dinglewood's (cough cough) future wife (suckerrrrrrrrrrrr), describes his weiner. But that's not what we're talking about here. I meant this is a short post. But I would recommend the forde yard dash as weekly reading. Usually pretty entertaining with some obscure info.

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Even More SEC Love.....

That's right kids, it's that time again for our friend Kirk H. to handout his annual Herbie Awards. But let us not pretend that the Herbies given for on the field play are important. We all know that the most important category is the "Prettiest Coeds". As always, the SEC women destroy the competition.

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3. VIRGINIA TECH

i can't see any way that this team doesn't win it's division and the conference. they return 8 starters on both sides of the ball, and although improved from last year, i don't see the acc being all that formidable. the defense, ranked #1 statistically last year will be salty again this year with lb xavier adibi and cb macho harris returning (i just wanted to type those names). the offense will likely revolve around rb brandon ore, however qb sean glennon will have numerous veteren wr's to choose from. i think beamer will have this team using the campus tragedy as a motivator rather than an excuse...as espn will force down your throat via chris connelly or some other douche accompanied by slow piano music in the background. many national title hopes/questions will be answered in baton rouge on september 8th for both virginia tech and lsu.

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Monday, August 27, 2007

4. TEXAS

aaahhh...the tobacco road con man is at it again. although this team will be able to toss the ball around fairly successfully (limus sweed is a bad, bad man), the running game is the question. this team struggled to run the ball last year with theoretically more talented players at key running game positions. defense is an even bigger question. they couldn't stop the pass last year, despite having thorpe award winner aaron ross in the backfield. their new defensive coordinator duane akina worked with the "desert swarm" defenses at arizona in the early 90's...i just wanted to work in a "desert swarm" reference. the schedule is favorbable, and the horns should be favored in every game this season. it will once again be up to the horns and sooners to decide the big 12 south at the texas state fair...unless fran and the aggies step up. hahaha...just kidding.

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Sunday, August 26, 2007

5. MICHIGAN

if this team is half as good as i think they are, they should cruise to 10 wins. every game of consequence, save a trip to madison, is at home. on offense they return starters at all key positions. chad henne will be the starter at qb for what seems like the 7th year. the o-line is solid as usual and mario manningham is ready to break out. without much depth, mike hart will have to carry the load, which he is more than capable of doing. there are plenty of new faces on defense though. the d-line should be solid, but beyond that is a question mark. facing oregon in week two should give some idea of where the defense is. there biggest problem may be lloyd carr. i've just never trusted this dude...little too "deer in the headlights" for my taste.


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Saturday, August 25, 2007

6. LSU

once again, lsu may be saddled with the title of "most talented team" as many labeled them in 2006. i will be shocked if lsu does NOT finish with one of the top 3 defenses in the country. 8 starters return to a unit that gave up just under 250 ypg last year. and glen dorsey may win 2 games by himself. on offense all the talk surrounds the qb. matt flynn looks to be the starter, while "the gambler" ryan perrilloux is trying to get back in the big white hat's good graces to get a shot. the running back by committee approach returns...at least until someone separates themselves from the pack. early doucet leads a crew of very talented recievers. sounds like a recipe for success right?? well it will be, but probably not to the level of the expectations of tigah nation, which are pretty damn high. "the big white hat" factor will lead to one if not two losses, and therefore leaving the tigah fan hating their coach, but without good reason to do anything about it. also, might want to circle november 3rd on your calendar...or just keep an eye on the countdown on the bottom right of this page.



and yet another nsfw fan (click me)

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Friday, August 24, 2007

da freakin' weekend

it's your last weekend without football, so make it count. build something, catch some rays, get a little q.t. with your significant other/life partner, b/c you and i both know that you will be a fucking deadbeat every weekend from september to sometime in january. god help us all.


lookout weekend....here i come

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7. OKLAHOMA

what's up with qb??? that's the only question surrounding this team. redshirt freshman sam bradford has been named the starter, but we'll see if he actually holds that title for the entire season. then again, last year they won 11 games and a big twelve championship with a wr at qb...so it may not even matter. the offense is solid at o-line and the skill positions (despite losing adrian peterson), and the defense will once again be stout. the schedule is very favorable with miami coming to norman, and the shootout in dallas. whatever happens, i'm confident stoops is a badass who will find a way to make it work...again.


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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Another Reason I Can't Support Lies Miles!

lsu boys actin' a fool

It appears that those LSU boys may have a little too much time on their hands once they are done with practice. There's no way this shit would have gone down if Nick Saban was there - maybe they should try to hire him back.

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oh no he di-ent!!!

tide teammates brandon fanney and roy upchurch pled not guilty yesterday to blah, blah, blah, blah....same old shit. the real news is reportedly what upchurch said during the altercation with uapd.

According to UAPD, when officers told Upchurch that his coach could be called if he didn't start cooperating, he replied, "F--- him and f--- y'all," the report stated. After another warning from police, Upchurch allegedly said that "UAPD officers don't mean s--- to him."
holy shit!!! he better pray to the god of skinny punks that saban either doesn't find out about this or is too busy to give a rat turd.

thou shalt not blaspheme the saban

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8. LOUISVILLE

following the big east school of football, this team will score 45 ppg and likely give up 35 ppg. the offense is loaded. brian brohm could have been a first rounder but instead returned to school. he is also surrounded by loads of talent at all the skill positions. all questions lie on the other side of the ball. they lost amobi okoye (doogie howser), but defensive end peanut whitehead is supposed to be equally as impressive. outside of that the defense will likely get smoked by anyone of any skill level. most of the schedule is typical, however they do have improving kentucky, improving south florida, and west virginia all on the road. have fun with those three steve kragthorpe.



wanna see more of this cheerleader?? like way more??? click here. (nsfw of the highest order) feel free to read her little story too.

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

GO CHECK YOUR MAILBOX BITCHES!!!!!!

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9. FLORIDA

although there are not a whole lot of starters returning from last year's national championship team, this team is still experienced. questions abound about tim tebow, and there are rumors of the dude not looking so hot in fall practice. i personally think this dude is the real deal, and will terrorize the sec for the next 3 years. we'll see. also, the gators will apparently renew the "big ass backup qb running your ass over" package with 6'5" 242 lb freshman cameron newton taking over that role. fear percy harvin...that is all. for that matter fear urban meyer. this guy has a cool, quiet confidence that wins his players/recuits over, and strikes fear in the heart of opponents...very bob stoops-ish. question marks everywhere on the defensive side of the ball, but i have no doubt they will fill each and every role adequately with some 4/5 star recruit. they will no doubt miss reggie nelson killing folks in the defensive backfield though.

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