this is the end, beautiful friend, the end

the seasons of both of my favorite teams came to an end yesterday...one on an only slightly higher note than the other. the tide held on to beat the buffs in the second half after fucking destroying them for 1.5 quarters. both versions of jpw showed up (good and evil), but other than that i thought it was a pretty damn solid performance. the saints on the other hand, went out with a wimper, just as much of this season has been. remarkably inconsistent in a frustratingly winnable division and conference. if they don't make some serious defensive changes in the offseason i'm going to kill someone.

so what does this mean for this blog?? well after football officially ends in a few days, i will probably be posting a little bit less, and covering a much wider variety of topics. everything from nba teams wearing nut cutters to hot chicks to senseless you tubeage will be fair game, all while maintaining coverage of football news as relevant shit comes about.

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nut cuttin' time

i hate the lakers. no i mean i really fuckin' hate the lakers. they are right up there with the yankees on my hate list. however, last night they earned at least a few brownie points with me. in honor of the old school rivalry, they were kickin' the retro nut huggers against the celtics last night. now they pussed out and change back to "gangsta length" shorts for the second half, but i'll give credit where credit is due. john stockton thinks they are a bunch of fucking amateurs.

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which colorado shows up in shreveport??

the team that got rolled by kansas state, lost to lowly iowa state, and gave up 51 points to dead in the water nebraska?? or the team that beat ou, texas tech, and damn near beat kansas??
fuckin' back to back kelly hnida mentions. beat that shit other blogs!

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rick the gunslinger

tricky rick neuheisel has been named the new head coach at ucla. its a shame, b/c this sleazy motherfucker would really be a nice addition to the sec, but alas, he will be monkey wrenching the pac 10 instead. this dude has quite a history with the ncaa. here is an interesting little timeline in regards to some of ricky's past transgressions, and this doesn't even mention the whole kelly hnida is "terrible"/sexual assault bullshit at colorado. don't worry though ucla fan/booster/administrator, b/c rick says "they have my complete, unequivocal promise that this will never happen again." well color my ass convinced. nothing to see here. oh man is this gonna be fun.

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perfection

look, i'm by no means a patriots fan. i think they are some arrogant fucks who are all slowly becoming clones of their ass faced coach. however, if there is anything that can be done to make the '72 dolphins obsolete, i'm all for it...no matter what it is. so party on pats. just don't come up short in the playoffs or i'm going to have to drive to mercury morris' house and punch him in his fucking balls.

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friday's bowl games

bc (10-3) -5 vs. michigan state (7-5)--4pm cst (espn)


tcu (7-5) vs. houston (8-4) +6--7pm cst (nfl)


oregon state (8-4) vs. maryland (6-6) +5--7:30 cst (espn)

bowl pick'em record: (1-7) if i don't get on a roll in the next few days, this feature won't even make it to new year's day.

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HO. LEE. SHIT.

remember when you were younger and you saw your teacher in the grocery store or some shit and you were like, "holy shit!" they really are human and they actually do normal shit and they don't live in their classroom." this is like that times 800. i give you nick saban doing the cupid shuffle. the universe stands on its head.

HT: edsbs

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holiday bowl

arizona state (10-2) +2.5 vs. texas (9-3)


bowl pick'em record: (1-6) good thing i'm not laying cash on all of these games.

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motor city bowl

central michigan (8-5) vs. purdue (7-5) -8--6:30 cst (espn)

bowl pick'em record: (1-5)

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merry christmas

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christmas song of the day that some of you may not be familiar with

benny grunch and the bunch - the 12 yats of christmas

if you're not at least familiar with the new orleans area, this will make little to no sense to you

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fuck da eagles indeed

still somehow not out of it completely though. all that needs to happen is getting a victory in chicago (where the wind chill was -1 yesterday), a redskins loss to the cowboys (who are locked into the 1 seed and have absolutely nothing to play for), and a vikings loss to the broncos (who suck turds). should be no problem.

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christmas song of the day that some of you may not be familiar with

bob rivers - i am santa claus

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hawaii bowl

boise state (10-2) -10.5 vs. east carolina (7-5)--7pm cst (espn)

bowl pick'em record: (1-4) i suck

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christmas song of the day that some of you may not be familiar with

robert earl keen - merry christmas from the family

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saturday's bowl games

papajohns.com bowl
cincinnati (9-3) -10.5 vs. southern miss (7-5)--noon cst (espn2)


new mexico bowl
nevada (6-6) +3 vs. new mexico (8-4)--3:30pm cst (espn)



las vegas bowl
byu (10-2) -6.5 vs. ucla (7-5)--7pm cst (espn)

bowl pick'em record: (1-1)

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n.o. bowl

friday's game:



florida atlantic (7-5) -3 vs memphis (7-5) 7pm cst (espn2)

bowl pick'em record: 0-1

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poinsettia bowl preview

as you might have noticed, posting has already started to drop off in light of the holiday season, and i have no idea what the next week will bring. however, for shits and giggles i will preview/predict the outcome of each and every bowl game this bowl season. now, lest you think i'm an idiot, i will only predict the lesser bowl games against the line, as i have better things to do than breakdown the likes of utah/navy. i will however go into more detail for all games involving the sec and the bcs games, as well as picking against the line. picks will be in red. feel free to make a fucking fortune off of these picks.

thursday's game:


utah (8-4) -8 vs. navy (8-4) 8pm cst (espn)

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new jersey con man strikes again

what is it about being a head coach that makes your "huge fucking asshole" gland work overtime?? bill parcells is the next person in line to kick arthur blank square in the nuts. who's next?? anyone?? anyone??

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wednesday quick hits - bama odds and ends

-joe manchin, the governor of west virginia and close personal friend of the saban says that the thought of him leaving bama for wvu is insanity. he went on wjox in b'ham and said that the saban is committed to bama, that he loves bama, and that he will end his career at bama. blowing smoke?? maybe, though i can't see why he would. i personally never believed the saban would leave for wvu or lsu at this point, as many internet geniuses would have you believe, but its nice to hear anyway. feel free to take a listen below.

-the long, strange trip that is jimmy johns' career at bama takes another interesting turn as he is moved to linebacker. much has been speculated about jj's attitude this year not being what it should be, so maybe a fresh start will help.

-bama lands yet another wr recruit in 4 star chris jackson. jackson is a former georgia tech committment who bailed on the jackets when chan was fired, coupled with the fact that chan's big qb recruit bailing on the jackets as well. he will be an early enrollee and will count towards 2007 class, and not the 2008 class. a good look at the updated recruiting board (minus jackson) courtesy of the boys over at roll bama roll.

-the members of the "textbook five" break their silence about what happened. as was previously speculated, they did not turn a profit off of their books, yet still broke some ncaa rules. to me this seems like a pretty minor deal that the ncaa is making a big deal out of. nonetheless, these guys have to know these rules if they want to play. the ncaa MIGHT have some bigger fish to fry though.

roll tide indeed

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the dodger doesn't dig on strange

last friday i gave the last dragon, as well as most any other old school cowboys fan, a pretty serious crotch punch with "christmas in dallas." well today i look to make up for it, after all, 'tis the season to be less of an asshole. roger dodger showing he's a stud...sort of.



and as a bonus, i'm asking santa to make me tony romo's dingus for christmas.

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this man is useless

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the people have spoken: part deux

click for larger

maybe i'm the only one who has been following it, but si.com has been letting the people vote in their mythical football bracket. obviously an online poll is not a perfect situation, but it is very interesting. would usc win a tournament like this?? maybe...maybe not. however i do think this is just more evidence that something needs to be done b/c the consumer obviously thinks the product is bullshit. there really isn't much to say here. feel free to get a better view of the bracket, and click on the link to see voting results. enjoy.

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a nice little resume builder

on saturday morning, broadway joe willie namath finally graduated from alabama a mere 42 years after leaving campus. he said the first time around he was more interested in "athletics, outdoors, and sports" than grades. i'm pretty sure the focus was booze and trim, but i guess he couldn't say that now could he? he found it difficult to sit down and focus on studying at the age of 64, but found motivation from his daughter rubbing it in his nose that she would get a degree before him. i think this is pretty damn cool considering there was really no reason for him to do this, other than just really wanting it. so here's to you joe willie. i hope you hit the strip in t'town saturday night and banged a 20 year old who looks just like suzy kolber.

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i guess we're not laughing at meeshigan anymore??

well...he did it. i really didn't think he was going to do it...but he did it. as i'm sure you've already heard, rich rod will be the next head coach at michigan. he is scheduled to be officially announced at a presser this morning. after turning bama down last year, and seemingly making a new committment to wvu, i really thought this guy was tied down to his alma mater. personally i think he's an idiot. what's the upside here?? you're in a position to dominate a very dominateable bcs conference, which puts you in position for bcs championship games...not unlike this year. not to mention now you have to deal with much more stringent admission standards. they would laugh his ass right off campus if he were to bring them noel devine's transcripts. if you stay at wvu, they build a statue of you outside the stadium. if you win the same amount of games at michigan, you're just another dude in the long, storied history. oh well, have fun never being able to set foot in your home state again bro.

"am i the fucking man or what??"

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not dead yet

2 down...2 to go. the saints knew going into last week the needed to win out to have any kind of chance at the playoffs, and they are halfway there. i wasn't able to watch the game, but the offensive numbers are pretty impressive, especially those of brees. 26 of 30 for 315 and 2 td's. 26 of 30? are you shitting me?? is this offense running better without reggie?? philly and @ chicago remain. i still believe.

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hey ncaa...how hard is this to understand?

good thing this game didn't generate any excitement.

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burning couches in ann arbor??

in somewhat shocking news, it appears that rich rodriguez is at the very least listening to what michigan has to offer. this would be a pretty impressive end to a shitty coaching search, but i don't think rich rod takes it. i really don't see the upside for him. this is a brand new story, so for now i guess for now we'll just have to stay tuned.

-word out of houston is that oklahoma oc kevin sumlin will be the next coach of the cougs. i think houston is a good place for a guy to start out as an hc. a weak conference where you can win 8 games a year, and then move up a la art briles...only don't be stupid enough to move up to baylor.

-word out of knoxville is that david cutcliffe is heading to duke. really?? duke?? cutcliffe has to be able to get a better job than this doesn't he?? seriously, i think smu is a better job than this. i predict failure.

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christmas in dallas

i wanted to do something on the david cutcliffe to duke and kevin sumlin to houston situations, but the real world is kinda kickin' my ass today...and on a fucking friday no less. so insead, you get lazy posting.

the 1986 dallas cowboys bring you "christmas in dallas." this is so gay my butthole puckered up. i didn't see a whole lot of faces i recognized, except for the "endzone stalker." did i see an aging randy white's mustache in there?? last dragon i have no doubt you can help with the identification of these fags. enjoy.

i'd like to thank the '85 bears for making horseshit like this possible

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culling the herd

i've been sitting on this for a couple of days now, but i guess other shit just came up. an article ran a couple of days ago in the montgomery advertiser about the saban and his "process." well this "process" has come under a lot of heat since closing out the season with 4 straight losses. towards the end of that losing streak whispers began to come out of t'town about a lack of leadership in the locker room. about how shula's boys, who were used to the club med atmosphere, were not all that interested in saban's full throttle, intense ways. then, more substantial proof of this fact was revealed when the permanent captains for 2007 were named. a group that is traditionally made up of seniors consisted of 3 juniors and 1 senior who is a former walk on. so we've now reached a point where the saban is saying get with the "process" or get the hell out of town. "saban is in the process of evaluating those younger players and several of them, perhaps as many as a dozen, will be encouraged to transfer to other schools in search of more playing time." holy shitballs! that is a hot sports opinion right there! "saban declined to name any specific players who will not be retained on scholarship, saying that was 'their decision.'" is that some hardcore shit?? yep. am i a fan of it?? yep. it should be an interesting offseason over the next couple of months as this shakes out.

the saban would like to remind you that there are exits at either end of the building

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coaching quick hits

-today is day 46 of the smu coaching search. even michigan thinks that's a bit ridiculous.

-auburn hires tony franklin as their new oc. franklin comes in after running his no huddle spread offense at troy for the last two years. should be interesting to see what elements of this offense make it to the plains.

-one thing forgotten in the whole bobby petrino snafu is the fact that the nfl coaching carousel was officially set in motion. the falcons named emmitt thomas interim head coach. i for one am surprised it wasn't dc mike zimmer who has interviewed for multiple hc postitions.

-usm finally has a head coach, and as expected it is okie state oc larry fedora. i'm not sure what the rule is about trusting people who routinely wear shooting glasses, but...

larry is this from the media guide or the stillwater pd??

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SECede!!

this is me starting a movement for the southeastern conference to SECede from the ncaa. no, not b/c of slavery...b/c of the bcs. the sec knows that in a playoff scenerio the rest of the country would be in shakin' in their jock straps. if the ncaa were to find a way to execute a playoff bracket consisting of the top 8 teams every year, there is no doubt the sec would account for 1/4 of that field 90% of the time. this year it would be lsu and uga. since this is not likely to happen any time soon, we will SECede until the ncaa gets their shit together. we will play an 11 game season consisting entirely of conference games and the top team in each division will still meet for the overall sec title at the end of the year. at that point, if the ncaa/bcs has any balls, the sec champ will happily tear them a new ass on a "neutral" field in a +1 situation. but how would we survive?? what about recruits?? what percentage of sec recruits come from outside of the states that make up the sec anyway?? well frankly i don't know the answer, but it ain't very many. and what about coaches?? i think over the years the sec has proven that they are capable of not only producing, but exchanging coaches with each other...even if angrily. take a look see. saban from lsu to bama (albeit indirectly), spurrier from florida to usc-e (again indirectly), tubby from ole miss to auburn, nutt from arky to ole miss, and sly croom...a known bama man...hired by state. and then you have assistants. joe lee dunn, brother bill oliver, david cutcliffe, will muschamp, and now maybe the orgeron to usc-e (please god let it be true). obviously there are many more, but these are the ones that just rolled off of my tongue. what other things would a group of SECessionists need to survive?? a government?? mike slive makes jim delaney look like the commissioner of your local pop warner league. currency?? oh i think we can all agree that the sec most definitely has its own currency. wink wink. join me won't you fellow sec fans??

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and so it begins...

get your bumper sticker here.

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the saban would like to thank you bobby p.

bobby petrino has been a very busy man in the last 48 hours. let's review.

to do list:
1) get your ass whipped by an underachieving saints team. check
2) quit your job. check
3) immediately catch a plane to arkansas b/c you have apparently been doing some sneaky dealings with them for a while now. check
4) achieve the impossible and supplant the saban ass the biggest asshole in the sec...and maybe coaching in general. check

say what you want about saban, but one of the main reasons he is now considered such a huge liar is b/c he was at least dedicated to the dolphins until the season was over. apparently bobby p couldn't wait another 3 games. here is just a sampling of the sentiment around the country regarding petrino's handling of this situation and where he stands in regards to saban. for what its worth there are a lot more articles of this nature, but i tried to just post the highlights.

-hell pat forde is so appalled by petrino's behavior that he actually apologizes to saban. i thought espn removed everyone's apology bone when they were hired??

-paul gattis says that "nick saban lost again on tuesday" (ouch) b/c he's no longer the owner of the title "bad boy of the sec."

-jeff shultz of the ajc says that petrino is a quitter, and that compared to petrino's 13 game tenure, "nick saban is a martyr."

-matt over at sports crack says that petrino has passed saban as the "new #1 piece of lying shit on the planet." and that petrino should fit in perfectly with the sabans and meyers of the sec...b/c he's a "cocksucking a-hole." to be fair, i'm pretty sure matt is a falcons fan.

-however, bill ordine of the baltimore sun says that if les miles doesn't honor his words and leaves for michigan...he would be the douchiest of them all.

"bobby p!! nice work brother...i owe you one."

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i was wrong

obviously its ok to keep laughing at michigan and their coaching search, but i was foolish to think we could stop laughing at razorback nation. might want to pay for your own cell phone bobby.

awk-warrrrrd

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ok michigan...that leaves only you for us to laugh at

just kidding about the whole will muschamp to arkansas thing. turns out bobby petrino was busy slipping out the back door on the falcons as the first step to taking over in fayetteville. if this is true (since espn has become about as credible as that asshole from your office who has "inside sources"), this is one helluva hire for arkansas. they would be giving the world the alabama treatment...as in "haha laugh at my coaching search now assface"...as well as further padding the resume of the sec as the place where badass coaches go. maybe more importantly, i'd be happy for petrino. poor bobby tripped and fell into one of the worst coaching situations in the nfl. "congrats bobby...here's a job in the nfl...oh yeah...you're going to have to win without your first, second, third, and fourth best player." word is there is a presser tomorrow morning to officially announce petrino...at which time i will actually believe this story.

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you sneaky motherfucker you

you couldn't kill the les miles to michigan rumors if you had a fucking nuclear bomb...like a cockroach i tell you. look i'm not saying he's going anywhere, but if he does, he makes nick saban look like mother theresa. to me, the funniest part of les to michigan part deux is the cockiness of "penguin" bertman. he says "they're frustrated because they didn't get what they want. you can't get les miles -- the guy signed his contract. it's over." oooohhh the meltdown that will ensue if the big white hat bails out now will be epic.

-in other coaching craziness news, oc al borges is out at auburn. no real surprise here. the offense has been pretty poor the last 2 years, though it may have been a little more brandon cox than al borges.

-the word is the next shmoe in line to get a free flight to fayettville will be auburn dc will muschamp. will auburn be looking for 2 new coordinators?? will the crotch kicking continue for arkansas?? stay tuned.

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alive and kicking...for now

the saints went out and took care of business against in my opinion, a surprisingly capable falcons team. one year removed from selling insurance, chris redman was the best qb i've seen in a falcons uniform all year. the saints played a pretty solid game. brees and colston looked like the '06 version of themselves. aaron stecker was solid and rushed for over 100 yards. jason david got faked out of his jock and got burned deep, but what did you expect?? the only thing that truly shocked me was the support being shown by both players and fans for convicted dog killing felon michael vick. what a bunch of fucking idiots. and i will stop now b/c if i continue i might have to add the "you racist bastard" tag to this post.

not pictured: hall's (and roddy white's) undershirt that read "free mike vick"

EDIT 1:00pm: found the picture i was looking for this morning. this kind of jackassery makes me happy you assholes are 3-10. click for even larger.

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dangling by a black and gold thread

no deuce?? no reggie?? no problem when you've got aaron stecker and pierre thomas!! yes that really is who will be lining up at rb for the saints tonight. that's the bad news. the good news?? they are playing the falcons who will be led by qb chris redman. i don't give a shit what you say, i'm not giving up until they are mathmatically eliminated from an nfc playoff picture that is full of teams that are just dying to let the saints back in. i take that back...if they lose to fucking chris redman i'll see you on draft day b/c i'm done for this season whether they are mathmatically eliminated or not. fear pierre thomas!!!

the scene: dorsey living room...7:30pm...tonight

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bad newz for vick

mike vick has been sentenced to 23 months in prison. at the very least this eliminates the '08 and '09 seasons for vick, and that is assuming that fuhrer goodell even lets his ass back in the league right away. then you have to consider the chances of a team wanting to be the team that signs a "dog killer," only to bring the protesters and what not out of the woodwork. also, upon being released vick would be a 29 year old qb who hasn't played a down in 3 years. do you want that on your team?? maybe he could become a kick returner or some shit. bottom line is this may actually end this guys career. a damn shame for one of the most impressive athletes (not qb's) i've ever seen. he was right up there with the neon deion's of the world as far as pure open field ability. but that's what you get you dog killing mf'er. what a waste.

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he would like to thank good old jc

saturday night tim tebow was the first sophmore to ever take home the heisman trophy. i'm surprised at the amount of backlash this is receiving around the internets. who else did you want to give it to?? tebow broke ncaa records while playing in the toughest conference in america. not to mention, if you want to use the most "valuable" player logic, what is florida without tebow?? shitty, that's what. what is arkansas without mcfadden (whom i can only assume was everyone's alternative...colt brennan?? come the fuck on)?? probably not that different considering felix jones is probably the second best rb in the sec. hell, my immediate question is what are the odds tebow wins another heisman?? barring injury, i can't see any way that he doesn't at least get invited back to new york next year. i know tebow catches a lot of shit about his home schooling, religious, teammate kissing ways, but he's a good dude and i'm glad he won it.

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saturday quick hits

b/c i found these things interesting, but i'm too lazy to do any real posting.

-the people most overlooked in sports, including college football, are the oddsmakers. unlike douche bags like herbstreit and corso, these guys have to be right or they lose millions. on the other hand its become quite clear that the assholes at espn can say anything they want and there are absolutely no consequences. well the oddsmakers say the bcs championship game is a joke. las vegas sports consultants oddsmaker ken white says "the third- and fourth-best teams in the country are playing for the title." hmmm...interesting.

-from the wtf department, michigan may (or may not) have contacted sean payton's people about becoming the next coach at michigan. are they drawing names out of a hat in ann arbor at this point?? they need to fire their ad sooner rather than later.

-it appears that oklahoma state offensive coordinator larry fedora will be the next hc at usm. i don't really know enough about the guy to make a judgement one way or another on this, but it seems like a very average hire to me. i will say this though, okie state is not afraid to drop 40 points on damn near anyone, so i'd like to think the guy at least knows offense.

just because

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reggie out for the year??

it appears as though reggie is done for the season with a torn pcl. i believe that is generally pretty minor in terms of recovery when talking about knee ligaments. to be honest, maybe this is for the best. the saints weren't very likely to win out (which is what they would need to do), and reggie seems pretty successfully mind fucked right now. take the offseason, regroup, and come back next year and prove to everyone you deserved to be the #1 overall pick. so saints fans, get ready for the aaron and pierre show. shit.

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the ramblin' wreck

the word on the street is that navy's paul johnson will be the next coach at georgia tech. this makes much more sense that ridiculous rumors i had been hearing about johnson making lateral moves to places like duke or smu. hell, this guy was one of my top candidates when bama was looking for a coach last year. however, since the last few posts i'm made regarding a coach getting a new job (tubby, bowden, miles, grobe, etc) have all ended up bullshit, this guy may be coaching high school next year for all i know. a nice hire in my opinion if its true.

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nfl quick hits...cuz my hunger for football must be fed

with the lull in college football until the bowl season gets into full swing (unless you follow the lower divisions...and i don't), i figured i'd drop some nfl goodies on you.

-chris redman will get the start for the falcons against the saints on monday night. i would say this is a good thing, but this is a team that got beat by luke mccown last weekend.

-reggie bush is owning up to his shittiness, particularly the crucial botched reverse against the bucs last weekend. he also claims that the loss of deuce has hurt him this year. i actually tend to agree, but i won't cut this guy slack for much longer.

-i'm sure we've all heard about the steelers' anthony smith guaranteeing a win over the undefeated pats this weekend. i think the pat's rodney harrison said it best when he said "never heard of him." are these guarantees played out and idiotic?? you bet your ass. here is a look at some of the dumbest guarantees.

-john kitna is a douche bag, and terrence newman plans on telling him just that after he lays his ass out on sunday. of course you can't go around saying shit like that and not expect to hear from the nfl, but terrance says he's got "15, 25, 30 thousand dollars" laying around should he have to pay a fine. should be interesting.

-brodie croyle is back to being the starter for the chiefs after missing last week with an injured back. i'm not sure if brodie will ever be a great nfl qb, although i do think he's a solid one, but he has a shitty supporting cast in kc, especially with no larry johnson. word is he'll start the rest of the season, but i wouldn't expect too much. at least he gets to go home to a smokin' hot wife.

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schiano to michigan?

it turns out michigan really is conducting a coaching search up there and not just putting up their christmas decorations. with michigan man les finally signing his extension, the wolverines reportedly interviewed greg schiano yesterday. although an offer was not made, it is believed one could come as early as today, and that there is "interest from both sides." i personally feel this would be a pretty damn solid hire after names like [whoever the fuck the coach of ball state is] started to pop up. unfortunately this also means that les won't be pulling the last minute back stabbing, which in the back of my mind was being set up nicely.

EDIT 9:00am: just kidding!! schiano as decided to stay in jersey. why?? i don't know. at this point arkansas and michigan are having a "whose job is less appealing" contest.

"heeeeyy! billy martin!! you better call me you sailin' sonuva bitch!!"

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grobe bails on the hogs

turns out jim grobe is staying at wake forest. despite the abundance of waffle houses in arkansas, grobe decided to keep it not insane and stay away from the hogs. so this holiday season, if you want to feel wanted by your current employer, and maybe even want a raise...just give a call to the athletic department over in fayetteville. between michigan and arkansas, its tough to decipher who has the funnier coaching search going on right now. there is only one cure for a comedic coaching search and that is a kick ass hire. time will tell .

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