Friday, May 30, 2008

c'mon baby make it hurt so good

don't forget to watch kimbo slice's primetime debut tomorrow night on cbs at 8pm.

some highlight of kimbo fighting to metal


also, in keeping with my refusal to watch women's sports, it is highly unlikely i will watch the "girl fight" on the undercard. however, gina carano is highly doable, so i will now post pictures of her sexiness.

enjoy your weekend kids.

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finally...an ncaa baseball postseason preview

let's get right to it...

here are the top 8 seeds:
1. miami (47-2)
2. unc (46-12)
3. arizona st. (45-11)
4. florida st. (48-10)
5. cal st. fullerton (37-19)
6. rice (42-13)
7. lsu (43-16-1)
8. uga (35-21-1)

and now the regional hosts:
arizona state, cal st fullerton, coastal carolina, florida st., uga, long beach state, lsu, miami, michigan, nebraska, unc, nc state, oklahoma state, rice, stanford, texas a&m

facts:
-first and foremost, back to back champ oregon st. is not even in the field
-the sec leads the field (again) with 9 bids, while the acc is next in line with 6. however, the acc is hosting 4 regionals to the sec's 2. take that for what its worth.
-the 9 bids for the sec ties a record. that record was set by (you guessed it) the sec in 2004 and 2005.
-da u extends its own record by making the field for the 36th consecutive year (wow)

rants:
-how does arkansas make the field without making the cut for the conference tourney?? i harbor no ill will towards the 'backs, hell i generally pull for them, but this nonsense.
-why do they even bother seeding the top 8 teams if it is apparently going to have no bearing on the pairings?? the number 1 seed, miami, may have the hardest regional of all. they have one of the best 2/3 pairings in the entire tourney with mizzou and ole miss. then you have the unseeded fightin' texas aggies with dallas freakin' baptist as their number 2 seed. i actually watched dallas baptist play bama this year. they're not a bad team, but a 2 seed they are not.
-i actually think bama got a relatively favorable draw. they are a 3 seed, which is never fun, but they're in a regional with coastal carolina (1), east carolina (2), and columbia (4).
-and now the tigahs. let me start by saying that i am impressed with the 20 game winning streak, and congrats again on the sec tourney win. recently, dinglewood posed the question asking if the tigahs were back. well i think it remains to be seen if they are truly back to form on the diamond, but they are definitely back to being the baseball media's darlings. let's not forget that before this little hot streak, this team had spent 60% of the season playing to a record of 23-16 (6-11 in conference). now a win is a win no matter when you get it, so i don't have any problem with the 7 seed, but why do they get an easier regional than basically every team seeded higher than them (save for maybe unc)?? as the last dragon so eloquently put it, the tigahs "could pitch your 2nd baseman and beat Texas Southern which allows you to save your staff for the rest of the weekend." and i'll be damned if he's not right. a certain tigah fan defended the regional by labeling the #2 and #3 seeds as "decent" and "solid" respectively. high praise no doubt.

there...i feel better...do you?? well i'm quite sure some of you do, and some of you don't. either way you'll let me know in the comments, and i'm looking forward to it. take a look at the bracket here and form your own opinions. in any event, the fun starts today, and we will revisit this subject early next week.

the goal

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roundtable roundup: exclamation point edition

the tide druid rounds up all the answers from the first crimson and white roundtable of '08, and it has a distinctly excited(!!) game show feel to it. lots of nuggets of quality in there, so go check it out. do it.

photoshop is for amateurs

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

i have failed

i promised a college baseball post today, and at that i have failed. it is guaranteed to be posted the first half of tomorrow as i want to get my ranting in before the games start. in the meantime, i offer a little something to get your wienie wigglin' and to carry you on through the night.

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crimson and white roundtable

the crimson white roundtable has returned. the way it will work this year is that each week one site will "host" a set of questions on monday, and at the end of the week the "host" will round up the answers/thoughts they find interesting and consolidate them in another post. this week's host is the tide druid. i'm going to try to participate in this roundtable most weeks as the countdown seems to officially be on until the season starts. as most of you know, this site will not be the place to come to find in-depth statistical analysis of the tide's 3rd down efficiency in the 4th quarter in games played on jefferson pilot. i'm more of a take things at face value kind of fan...albeit a pretty opinionated one. so here goes nothin' for the crimson and white roundtable 2008 week 1. also check out the blogs listed under "bama links" as many of them will be particpating as well.

1) Will the new offense and Offensive Coordinator be a positive change for John Parker Wilson? If so, how much? If not, what concerns you?
i'm not sure i have the level of dislike for jpw that many in the bama nation do. he's not so much inept, as he is inconsistent. the guy shows flashes of brilliance, but it is often overshadowed by his mistakes. take away a small number of HUGE mistakes (lsu fumble, 100 yard pick 6 against state, ulm int, etc), and we look at this guy's season a lot differently. look, the guy's not going to make anyone's heisman watch list, but he'll improve. one thing i have confidence in is the fact that all the saban cares about is winning. he will play the qb who gives bama the best chance to win, whether that be john parker wilson, or sarah jessica parker wilson (somewhere a tennessee fan laughs).

2) We’ve all felt the excitement of landing this studly freshmen class on signing day, but what expectations should we have once they all land in Tuscaloosa?
i'd much rather have a #1 ranked recruiting class than a #41 ranked one, but i always keep my expectations pretty low for these guys. you just never know how they're going to react to the change in talent level on the field, and the changes in their life off the field (i.e. the strip and tutwiler). given the lack of depth at certain positions, their will be no shortage of opportunities, but i don't expect any of them to take the sec by storm (ok, maybe julio). my expectation is that they make the most of their opportunity, and that we gain some insight into what they are capable of in the future.

3) What were your initial thoughts of the somewhat split job of Defensive Coordinator? Have they changed since then, or are they still the same?
my initial thoughts?? titles, shmitles. hell my title has the word "manager" in it, and i can barely "manage" to not get fired. this is all pr nonsense to make/keep various people happy and in tuscaloosa. very little will change in terms of scheme b/c nothing happens on the defensive side of the ball without the saban's stamp of approval anyway.

4) In your eyes, who needs to step up the most in a position of depth concern?
for very obvious reasons, linebacker is a position of concern for me. its almost comical (but not really) how quickly this position evaporated right out from under the tide. given that i'm pretty confident in what bama will get out of rolando mcclain, i'm going to say jimmy johns. he has a lot to learn given in terms of scheme and techniques given the shift from rb to lb. however, so far i've heard nothing but good things, and as i senior i have no doubt he wants to go out on the highest possible note.

5) We’ve all heard the talk of this possibly being Mal Moore’s last season as Athletic Director. What will his legacy be when it is all said and done?
mal moore's legacy is placed squarely on the shoulders of nick saban. if the saban returns the football program to the level that bama fans feel it should be, mal moore will be remembered as the man who went above and beyond to bring him here. its that simple.

6) Other than Georgia, what non-Alabama SEC team impresses you the most? (because everyone would normally answer UGA)
as long as tim tebow is on the field, florida is a threat to win the whole damn thing...but that answer isn't any fun. instead i'm going to go with a sleeper pick and say ole miss. with jevan snead finally stepping in at qb and seemingly provided stability at that position the rebels have lacked since eli left. they will also be unveiling highly touted rb enrique davis who originally signed with auburn. more importantly they now have sneaky ass houston nutt running the show. if ever there was a used car salesman who could make something out of nothing, its this guy. at the very least, the rebels will be much more fun to watch than they have been in recent memory.

a rare photo of the crimson and white roundtable

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

this post is strictly for reference purposes

94 days to clemson...

ht: poon of the sec

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the super natural

i officially jumped on the josh hamilton bandwagon after game 2 of this season, and it seems the rest of the baseball world is now following suit. this week's sports illustrated features ranger's centerfielder josh hamilton on the cover. however, something tells me this guy isn't worried about any kind of cover jinx. he has been through way to much to worry about something like that. for ranger fans, and for those that follow baseball closely, you may already know his story, but its worth reading again. from high school superstardom, to knocking on death's door via drug and alchohol addiction, to a return to superstardom, its an amazing story.

"it's amazing how many veteran scouts say he's the best player they've ever seen," says rangers general manager jon daniels"

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

song and video i'm diggin' on right now

weezer - pork and beans (you tube references galore)

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3 day weekend sports roundup

after the extended weekend i thought i'd touch base on a couple of happenings from the sports world that i had my eye on while i was catching some rays and drinking some beer.

-nba playoffs-both conference finals are in full swing with the lakers/spurs series definitely looking like it will produce the eventual champion. this is a shame b/c i truly hate both of these franchises. the lake show took game 1 and 2 at home, but if the spurs return the favor by taking 3 and 4 (tonight) at home, lookout for them. i find the pistons/celtics series (tied 2-2) to be painful to watch. poor shooting, too many fouls, and no flow to any of the games. i just can't see either of these teams taking down either of the teams from the west.

-stanley cup playoffs-somebody may want to tell the penguins that they can't win the stanley cup if the fail to score a single f'ing goal. this series is all but over after 2 games. the penguins are obviously a very talented team to have made it this far, but they are young, and the wings just appear the be far and away the best team in hockey...and may be for some time to come.

a few of you actually read my "why you should love hockey" bit last week, so i thought i'd pass along a pretty sweet commericial the nhl is running right now.


-rangers-those pesky rangers just can't seem to get over the .500 hump. they have gotten to .500 numerous times in the last few weeks, but then inevitably lose the next game. the tried to overcome it again last night (in the worst ballpark in the history of mlb ballparks), but ran into one scott kasmir who is on fire. the rangers return to that hole of a ballpark for two more against the rays, before heading home for a weekend series against oakland.

-sec baseball-from the "give credit where credit is due" department, the tigahs rode their 20 game win streak right on into an sec championship. in the process they knocked out the tide on saturday who seemed to have simply run out of arms. i will have a much larger ncaa baseball post (and my take on lsu) as we inch closer to regional play later this week, but for now, i will give them their proverbial moment in the sun.

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Monday, May 26, 2008

don't forget why you're off of work today

just wanted to jump on here real quick to honor this day. in between burgers, and hot dogs, and doritos, and brew doggies, just take a quick second to remember the brave men and women who do what they do and have done what they've done. we'll be back in full effect tomorrow yo.

thank you. carry on.

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Friday, May 23, 2008

summertime...when the livin's easy

i, gerry dorsey, declare today the official first day of summer. mother nature says the first day of summer isn't for another month, but say bs. its memorial day weekend, the temps are creepin' up into the 90's, and i'm popping my 2008 lake cherry tomorrow. for those of you not familiar with the area, that means the party cove on lake lewisville. now i am getting too old, and am too spoken for to truly "particpate" in the "activities" of the party cove, but it sure is fun to drink mass quantities of beer and watch the debauchery. everybody have a safe and happy memorial day weekend, and for god's sake try not to buy too much $4 gas. something that does not require any gas is this video of the party cove.

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why i love hockey...and you should too

this blog has been paying a fair amount of attention lately to the nhl, and more specifically the dallas stars. i realize for all 6 of rico's readers, hockey ranks somewhere right around bama golf (which by the way, bama has a hockey team...no bullshit). i have to admit that before i moved to dallas 6+ years ago i never really gave a damn about hockey either. but once you are truly exposed to it, get to watch it live, and develop a relationship with a team, it is an awesome sport...particularly nhl hockey. and each year my fandom grows a little bit. here are just a handful of the reasons i love the nhl, especially this time of year:

intensity-and i don't mean violence, but i'll get to that too. i mean that it keeps you on the edge of your seat, and your team's fate can change in the drop of a hat. as i watched the stars this postseason, i was constantly yelling at the tv due to a turnover, a breakaway, a penalty/power play, or a goal. in a sport where games are often decided by one measly goal, every second counts. and god forbid you get caught up in a sudden death ot playoff hockey game. you'll be pacing your living room like a fucking mad man.

blue collar attitude-we live in a sports world dominated by assholes who want to have the biggest contracts, the coolest cars, the most endorsements, and an episode of cribs...but then you have hockey. in an nba locker room, you would probably get "mad props" for signing a huge new endorsement deal with gatorade. in the nhl, your teammates would probably sneak into your backyard and fill your pool with fruit punch for being a sell out douchebag. it seems they tend to keep each other in check and humble like that. more simply, there are no chad johnson's or t.o. owens' in the nhl.

playoff beards/superstitions-what dude who has the ability to grow facial hair doesn't like to have a little fun with it every now and then?? well in the nhl they do it every postseason...some with more success than others. plus i'm just a fan of superstitions in general, and hockey has no shortage. lucky sticks, lucky socks, lucky jerseys...but one of my favorites is not touching any of the bullshit tropies you and your squad pick up along the way, b/c all you're interested in touching is lord stanley's cup. (click for larger)

looky but no touchy

the violence-obviously everyone, hockey fan or not, loves to watch the fights, but even outside of that, there are the huge checks. its all the high speed impacts you love about football, but in addition to open ice hits, they also get to slam opponents into the boards. brilliant.

game speed-for the most part during a hockey game, the clock is rolling. hockey games frequently run 4 and 5 minutes off the clock without a stoppage. and more importantly, when they do, it is brief. this really helps establish a flow to the game that often hurts other sports. i do wish they would make the intermissions shorter, but oh well...i never said hockey was perfect.

toughness-if they can skate, they play. by the end of the playoffs, the stars had a number of guys who had every right to sit out a game, but never did. i also love that despite the highly physical nature of the game, the nhl playoffs go at it every other night, no questions asked. none of the thursday night game/tuesday night game like the nba. as another example, i knew the stars were toast on in game 6 when the red wings' kris draper scored a goal off of his face. a fucking puck bounced off of his face into the goal and he barely even missed any time. nothing a few stitches can't fix.


the handshake-after every playoff series, the teams line up and shake hands just like when you were in little league. i love this. it shows that despite doing anything and everything to win the series, both legal and illegal, i still have respect for you and wish you no ill will. this just goes hand in hand with the whole humble/blue collar aspect.

the cup-the greatest trophy in all of sports. oh yes it is. first and foremost there is only one stanley cup, and it has every winner's name engraved on it. there isn't one made for everybody's trophy case like in most sports. but then there are the traditions. the hoisting of the cup after winning, drinking champagne out of the cup, and my favorite, the players' day with the cup. you can take it to a bar, you can throw it into your pool, and much, much more.

oh to be the stanley cup

so there you have it. the stanley cup finals between the red wings and penguins starts tomorrow night, so do yourself a favor and check it out. this series will likely feature more speed and finesse than violence, but it should be exciting hockey nonetheless.

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sec baseball tourney: day 3


another quality day of baseball in hoover yesterday. the only real drama was saved for the late game as ole miss' michael guerrero hit a walk off 2 run dinger in the bottom of the 9th. i mentioned yesterday that i was concerned about bama having the quick turn around after playing the late night game. well righty austin hyatt made it easy on the rest of his teammates by tossing the complete game 4 hitter, including retiring 20 straight bulldogs at one point. the loss sent #1 seed uga home, with #3 seed florida joining them as the first teams to get eliminated. the tigahs extended their streak to 18 games, which is impressive no matter how you look at it. here's hoping the bats go cold as the games get bigger.

day 2 results
game 5 #7 south carolina 11, #3 florida 3
game 6 #5 bama 5, #1 uga 2
game 7 #2 lsu 8, #6 vandy 2
game 8 #8 ole miss 8, #4 kentucky 7

day 3 schedule
Game 9-3pm #7 south carolina vs. #6 vandy
Game 10-6:30pm #5 bama vs. #4 kentucky

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

dallas sports quick hits: rangers and 'roids

-who had may 21st in the "milton bradley loses his shit" office pool?? last night in the third inning milton was tossed for arguing balls and strikes. shockingly he took his medicine and hit the showers without thowing anything onto the field or into the stands.

-in slightly more shocking news, ranger's manager ron washington's ass is in fact not attached to the ranger's bench as previously suspected. mr. soul glo came out in defense on milton bradley and promptley got himself tossed. it was the first ejection of the year for both, but who didn't see the milton bradley thing coming??


-name this pitcher:
season: 3-0, 2.95 era, 2-1 k/bb ratio, .268 opp. batting avg.
last night: cg, 6 hits, 1 earned run, 5 k's, 1 bb
if you guessed the ranger's own sidney ponson, you are correct. really?? sidney fucking ponson??? given the injuries and general mediocrity of this staff, sidney has been huge thus far. keep it up sid.

-mike modano has announced he will return for a 19th season. mikey mo, who will turn 38 in june, said that he doesn't think assistant gm brett hull would let him retire even if he wanted to. modano can still be a valuable asset provided he understands his role on the team.

-and finally in dallas/national news, dallas 'roid kingpin david jacobs met with the nfl yesterday to give the names of all the players he has sold "product" to. saints' lineman matt lehr's name has been all over this investigation, and lehr was suspended for 4 games for using banned substances as a falcon in 2006. mr. lehr has an affinity for bodybuilding and likes to run with this crowd, including david jacobs. hey matt, why don't you not get suspended while you're with the saints...that'd be great.

oh look...matt lehr hanging with a convicted 'roids dealer (and a "shim")

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sec baseball tourney: day 2...no rest for the weary


well day 1 is in the books. as mentioned here yesterday, the tigahs took the first game in dramatic style with a walk off dinger in the 10th. that's right tigahs...you stay hot for just a couple more days...then cool off. speaking of cooling off, the tide took the loss in the late game last night...emphasis on "late." the bama/kentucky game started at 10:45 last night, which means it probably ended sometime after 2am. their reward for losing in the middle of the night?? they get to show up at the park before noon this morning to prepare for a 1pm game with uga. look for bama pull the old "2 and 'que" this afternoon. day 1 results and day 2 schedule below.

day 1 results
game 1 #2 lsu 5 vs south carolina 4 (10 innings)
game 2 #6 vandy 7 vs #3 florida 3
game 3 #8 ole miss 4 vs #1 uga 1
game 4 #4 kentucky 9 vs #5 bama 3

day 2 schedule
game 5-10am #7 south carolina vs #3 florida
game 6-1pm #1 uga vs #5 bama
game 7-5pm #2 lsu vs #6 vandy
game 8-8pm #8 ole miss vs #4 kentucky

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

sec baseball tourney: day 1


i meant to get this post up earlier, before any games started, but i suck. its day 1 of the sec baseball tourney from its traditional hoover, al location. lsu and the cocks kicked the day off with lsu coming out on top 5-4 in 10 innings. is that 17 in a fucking row?? in any event, the today's remaining games are as follows:

game 2 2:20 pm #6 vandy vs. #3 florida
game 3 5:00 pm #8 ole miss vs. #1 uga
game 4 8:00 pm #5 bama vs. #4 kentucky

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happy 56th birthday mr. t

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

gettin' dat jerry jones money bitch!!!

hey look...satan rosenpenis got another huge commission. this afternoon marion barber inked a 7 year $45 million deal, with $16 million guaranteed. now i'm not a cowboys fan by any means, but i love me some marion barber. he keeps his mouth shut, and then punches you in yours. why so much money?? this is why.

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obligatory no hitter post

most no hitters don't really carry a huge story with them...they just happen. unless some dude strikes out 16+ in the process, there just isn't a whole lot to talk about other than the rarity of the whole thing. however, jon lester's no hitter for the red sox last night seems to carry a higher level of factoids with it than most.

-the most obvious is the fact that that guy had freaking cancer 2 years ago
-it was the 18th no hitter in red sox history, but the first by a lefty since mel parnell in 1956
-it was the fourth no hitter caught by jason varitek, which is freaking unreal. many believe he could have six if both pedro and schilling hadn't shaken him off and gotten roped in the 9th inning of their no hitter bids
-the red sox are the first team to have mlb's back to back no hitters since the angel's nolan ryan threw one in both 1974 and 1975
-it is only the second time the royals have been no hit. the previous time was in 1973...by nolan ryan (bad motherfucker ya think??)
-you would nail jon lester's girlfriend

yes you would. don't even act like you're too cool for her

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it was fun while it lasted

the 2007-2008 campaign came to an end for two overachieving teams last night. unfortunately they both went out with a wimper.

the hornets were chasing all night, and never seemed to threaten to take the game away from the spurs. last night was the first time the hornets looked to be in awe of their postseason surroundings. despite it being over, any hornets fan would be crazy to not be more than satisfied with how this season went. in addition, the future is ridiculously bright for this young squad. congrats on a fine season hornets.


what more can i say about the stars?? not only did they exceed everyone's expectations, but they have set themselves up well for the future in terms of acquisitions and getting a lot of their young talent playing time. the stars are everything that the sackless mavs are not...gritty, determined, and resilient. they gave the city of dallas a sports boner after watching every one of its teams choke on the big stage in one form or another over the last few years. so congrats to the dallas stars...you took down two great hockey teams, and took a third to 6 games.


and in bonus "it was fun while it lasted news," dan morgan retired yesterday before playing a single snap as a new orleans saint. multiple concussions and an achilles injury ultimately did in the linbacker from "da u." i was not big on this signing from the word go, so i'd personally rather see him retire, than make the roster and be a liability...or even worse get freaking brain damage. happy trails mr. morgan.

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Monday, May 19, 2008

ncaa quick hits...and then some

-the "4 letter word" has its latest "reports" from the sec east and west. i consider most of this info to be pretty useless, but its probably enough to get your football wienie wigglin' 100 days out.

-in "you'd be surprised how many people actually give a shit about this" news, alabama and coca cola are partners once again. while i prefer my bourbon with water, i'd much rather have bourbon and coke rain down on my head after a crucial play than bourbon and pepsi.

-paul finedouche offers his take on jimmy dix's transfer to jax state. i only offer it up b/c i think its a pretty good take on the situation. the saga of jimmy dix is not even close to over, so stay tuned.

-PETE ROSE CAUGHT SELLING DRUGS!!! no, not that pete rose. its actually virginia tech stud qb recruit peter rose. if it was the other pete rose, the last dragon would be curled up in the fetal position in the nearest corner crying his eyes out.

-and for the homos who watch women's sports, don't forget that its american idol finale time. the following video may be the only good thing to ever come out of american idol...well, that and carrie underwood's pooper of course.

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Saturday, May 17, 2008

Are the Tigers Back?


Since there has been a lack of Tiger coverage since Jimmy Dix was sent packing, I thought it was about time that some coverage was given to the LSU Baseball Team. You may ask what they have done lately which is deserving of such coverage. They have only won 15 straight games (including 11 straight SEC games), and have clinched the SEC West. Now, by no means do I think that the current Tigers are close to being like the Tigers of the 90's. However, I was a huge fan of the Paul Mainieri hire a few years ago, and thought that he was solid bet to get LSU back to yearly playoff contention, something that the former hire had let go up in "Smoke".

Now you may say that the SEC West is somewhat mediocre this year, but 15 games in a row is pretty damn impressive, and they have done it against teams on both sides of the conference. The Tigers are the hottest team in the country, and they may have extended the great Alex Box tradition for one more weekend by securing a Regional for the upcoming National Tourney. The Box has been the host of 16 previous Regionals, and it would be pretty damn cool to see it host one more being that it's the very last year that the current Box will be in use. The Tigers move to the new Alex Box next year.

So here's to hoping that LSU finishes off Auburn today at 2 p.m. in Plainsman Park for it's fourth consecutive SEC series sweep, and continues with a strong showing in the SEC Tournament. GO TIGERS!

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Friday, May 16, 2008

gerry's non-wedding weekend

guess who isn't going out of town or going to a wedding this weekend. THIS GUY that's who...and i'm pretty damn psyched about it. i've got a pretty nice little weekend lined up if i do say so myself. i'm going to start the weekend with a little comedy by going to see george lopez. i don't know if you've seen this guy's stand up, or if you think its as funny as i do, but this guy is f'ing genius. i think his hilarity is directly proportional to the amount of mexicans you know/interact with.


then on saturday, i'll be starting off with a little tailgating before taking in a little lone star series (rangers v. astros), as they battle for the coveted(?) silver boot. the rangers have seemingly come together of late winning 6 straight series for the first time since '99 and 11 of their last 15, bringing them to 20-22. only one problem...the astros are even hotter. they've won 12 of 15 and lance berkman has the hottest bat in baseball.

"really?? we're playing for this??"

however, win or lose, the game will be immediately followed by more beer and a robert earl keen concert right outside the stadium. so everyone have a great weekend, b/c i'm planning on doing just that.

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why i hate the spurs...and you should too

so in the post below, the last dragon commented that he doesn't "get the hate for the spurs." now i can understand (sort of) somebody just disagreeing and saying that they don't have a problem with the spurs, but to say you don't "get it" blows my mind. they are the biggest bunch of euro (or euro influenced) flopping, whiney baby, "every foul called on me is a bad call" titty babies in the world. and proof that i'm not the only one who thinks so, it took me all of about 10 minutes to gather up these pics and videos that are VERY widely available.

first...the whining, crying, palms up, foot stomping, tantrums.


then the other half of the team is borderline (if not 100%) dirty, and still has the nerve to act like they should never have a whistle blown on them. and that includes the human highlight reel that is bruce bowen.





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uh oh

things just got interesting hornets fans. the spurs are not a team you want to be in a game 7 with. and i think most hornets fans are also beginning to see why mavs fans hate the shit out of the spurs. now you get to wait until monday to watch game 7 b/c the nba is the gayest of all the professional sports leagues. however this may benefit the hornets and david west's ailing back (see below).


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Thursday, May 15, 2008

fan up bitches!!


i will be holding my own personal yellow out here in dallas tonight. the hornets welcome the spurs to town for what will hopefully be the deciding game as the hornets lead 3 games to 2. i will be pulling for the hornets b/c...

a) i'm always a fan of pulling for the team who knocked your squad out
b) my new orleans roots
c) i fucking hate the spurs

so here are the motivational videos for the hornets fans.


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delaying the inevitable


its a nice consolation prize to not get swept, but unfortunately its only a matter of time. marty turco was once again a bad ass saving 34 of 35, including staving off a 6 on 4 AND a 6 on 3 in the closing minutes. the fact of the matter is the red wings are a much better team than the stars...and anyone else in the western conference for that matter. on top of that the stars have had a much tougher and longer road through the playoffs than the wings. however, you won't get any excuses from this stars fan. the wings have 3 players that are arguably the best at their position in the entire league in zetterberg, datsyuk, and lidstrom. the stars are a good team, but don't have any one individual player that can take over a game. look for this series to end on saturday as the stars return to joe louis arena, a building that completely owns them.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

jimmy dix is a cock

it appears to be official that a favorite of this blog, one jimmy dix, will be attending jacksonville state in the fall. i'm sure this will a recipe for success for all parties involved.

i for one am really bored with the world of sports today. so in honor of the rumors of tony romo and jessica simpson breaking up, i bring you...senseless jessica simpson side boob.

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tony romo: better at banging hot blondes than singing

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

what day is this??

once again i have returned triumphant from my third consecutive wedding weekend. also once again i find myself in a 4 day work week...so i've got that going for me...which is nice. i've spent the last 3 weekends driving, flying, getting wasted, not sleeping, and becoming a connoisseur of both road trip food AND reception food. while the wedding and traveling gods were smiling upon me during this time, the football gods were clearly kicking me in the nuts. lets review the three groom's cakes that i had to be in the same room with in chronological order (excuse crappy cell phone pics).

that you roscoe??

yes that is beer in a groom's cake. that's how we do it in coonass country

war plaintigersmen!!

a few final juicy tidbits from the very end of my journey which brought me to tuscaloosa. first off all, i know i'm way behind the curve, but i just discovered guitar hero on wii...fucking crack cocaine i tell you. then i went to outback with the fam and sat next to the wilson family...i.e. john parker and ross. as far as first impressions go, ross "looks" like a much better athlete, but then a lot of qb's don't look athletic. i resisted every urge to go say something to one or both of them, including going to get a closer look at the 20 year piece of arse jpw had with him. and as final note, i pull into an exxon to get some desperately needed hydration supplies and what do i see, but this...

what the world would look like if darren mcfadden had gone to rocky top

i'm so out of tune with the sports world right now, that i don't even know where to begin. i'll see if i can't get back on track by this afternoon.

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Friday, May 9, 2008

coming down the wedding homestretch

finally we come to the 3rd and final weekend of the gerry dorsey wedding extravaganza. this weekend takes us to birmingham. before you start throwing out your no doubt hilarious "bammer" jokes, i'm pretty sure this is an auburn function.


in any event, i can't wait for all this shit to be over. the salt in the wound is the fact that i have yet another out of town wedding in about 5 weeks. shoot me now.

and finally, since i know we have a huuuuuuuuge contingent of female readers on this blog...happy muthas day.

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quick hits: random ass sports news that is also quite underwhelming

-the dallas cowboys have signed on to do a second season of hbo's hard knocks. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't into this show, but i personally think the last time the cowboy's did this was the worst of all the seasons. maybe they can bring richmond flowers back.

-notre dame and arizona state have signed a deal to play in the cowboy's new stadium in 2013. apparently the irish are just going to become the harlem globetrotters of college football. i wonder who their coach will be in 2013??

-prized lsu basketball recruit j'mison morgan has asked for a release from his letter of intent so he can go to ucla. i find it hard to believe anyone would feel better about playing for john brady instead of trent johnson, but whatever hurts lsu makes me happy. see j'mison, you should have committed to mark gottfried (basketball genius).

-in a story that still has my nuts up in my throat, alabama's best lb rolando mcclain slid his motorcycle under an suv last night. he appears to have only suffered a little road rash, but damn. in a related story, the saban was seen dumping a motorcycle into lake tuscaloosa.

-word on the street is that the mavs will hire nba retread rick carlisle as early as today. i'm not sure who the hell i wanted the mavs to hire, but this does nothing for me. they probably weren't going to do anything significant anytime soon anyway, so maybe rick can just hold down the fort for a couple years.

"so its 2 in the pink and 1 in the stink??"

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fear the texas rangers

they've won 9 of 13, they're in 3rd place, and they're willing to take a helmet to the kidneys if that's the best you've got to offer...but they're still looking for a reason to fire their manager. last night the rangers took down the mariners in seattle yet again, and got in a bench clearing brawl in the process. richie sexon is an asshole for this one. for one thing the ball was 2 feet away from his head, and for the other, go out there and fight like a man. don't throw your helmet like a little girl. "i thought that was bull," rangers manager ron washington said. "how tall is he, 6'13?" then you go out there on a little guy and throw a helmet?" 6'13" indeed ron...6'13" indeed.

rangers play by play man tom grieve pretty much says all that needs to be said in regards to sexon in the video.

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Thursday, May 8, 2008

who ya gonna pull for??

tonight the stars and wings square off in game 1 of the western conference finals. now hockey is obscure to say the least, so i'm sure some of you are still on the fence about who to pull for (lest you actually give a fuck). so now, a fair and unbiased comparison (click images for larger).

-fight song
stars


wings

winner = stars: sorry wings, you were going up against pantera, you never really stood a chance.

-fans
stars

red wings
winner = stars: really cameron and uncle joey?? you thought you could take down poontang and slayer??

-arena
american airlines center vs. joe louis arena
winner = stars: fountains dude...fountains.

-goalie masks
turco vs. osgood
winner = stars: osgood isn't even freakin' trying. he looks like mike myers back in the day when he was a "hyper-hypo."

so in summary, the stars sweep it 4-0...completely unbiased...go stars!!

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slidell success story

about a year ago we introduced you to an mlb success story from "the dell" named mike fontenot. he farted around and was pretty solid while appearing in 86 games last year. well this year he is having even more success. mr. fontenot has appeared in 28 of the cubbies 34 games so far this year. he is hitting .286 with 2 dingers and 11 rbi, but i think you have to dig a little deeper to see the more impressive numbers. first of all he has an obp of .394...pretty solid, and his ops is .858...not too shabby either. another stat that impresses me is that he already has 10 walks. that's a pretty good number given the plate appearances he's had. you will always find yourself in the lineup with an obp of damn near .400. keep it up bro.

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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

a post about beer

a few weeks ago i posted a poll asking what your default beer of choice was. my point was to find out what beer you most commonly drink. for example, i love me some abita amber and some newcastle, but that's not what i go buy a case of when i'm going tailgaiting, or to the lake, or whatever. that is what i consider one's default beer. the question arose when the last dragon saw a picture of me knocking down some high life light while fishing. he was shocked b/c he was under the impression that i hated all miller products. although i am a very loyal bud light man, the truth is that i hate miller lite, but enjoy other miller products (high life, mgd, etc). the results are as follows:

poll results: 40 total votes

miller lite-14 (35%)
bud light-10 (25%)
bud heavy-3 (7%)
michelob ultra-3 (7%)
coors light-3 (7%)
"other"-3 (7%)
the high life-2 (5%)
busch/busch light-1 (2%)
natty light-1 (2%)

honestly its about like i expected. as a bud light man, it seems that most of my friends drink miller lite. on the flip side, bud light out sells miller lite pretty much every year. i am somewhat curious what the 3 people who voted "other" had in mind though. and for those of you who chose bud heavy...congratulations, you are a real man.

for more and often shocking beer news, the results of the 2008 brewer's association world beer cup were recently released. i encourage you scroll down to the "american style light lager" and "american style specialty lager" categories (#'s 33 and 35) where old milwaukee light, busch ice, natural light, and mickey's ice all took home medals. are you shitting me?? i mean to this day i'll still defend natty light even though i can afford better, but mickey's?? any old milwaukee product?? think about that next time you're in the beer aisle.

a little something i like to call "morning shits in a can"

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