quick hits: tryin' hard to come up with shit

well its official, today is the first day of the slowest time of the year. i thought it would come with the end of the nba finals and the cws, but then jimmy johns came in and saved the day. so now, barring a bama football player running a prostitution ring, we're left with little more than the mlb for the next month or so until football season really gets relevant. so in the meantime, i will manufacture shit to talk about...i.e. today...as well as doing more completely off topic posts.

-first and foremost this morning, the euro cup has mercifully come to an end. no longer will it take up my valuable sportscenter time, and no longer will i come home for lunch only to find out i have royally screwed my dog by leaving the tv on espn for him to watch only for the damned euro cup to come on.

-in sad news, uga vi has passed on to that big kennel in the sky as a result of congestive heart failure. he was both the winningest and heaviest uga of all time. he will be buried in the southwest corner of sanford stadium today. i'm sure the search for uga vii is already under way.


-on friday we mentioned the fact that shawn chacon was both insane and unemployed as a result of him "spreewelling" his general manager. well also in houston this weekend, manny ramirez shoved red sox traveling secretary (george costanza??) jack mccormick to the ground after failing to satisfy man ram's ticket request for saturday's game. what the hell is in the water in houston?? its promoting violence.

-kiss my ass espn!! you are once again tugging at my heart strings via the "my wish" series. i both love and hate these things. i'm not going to lie, they get me damn near every time, but do i really need this shit during my sports viewing?? i think not. fuck espn.

-and now, to start your week off right, one of the greatest movie scenes you've probably never seen. its the opening scene from the underrated movie "the way of the gun." a bigtime language warning.

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crimson and white roundtable roundup...emphasis on the white...if ya know what i'm sayin'

the roundtable took a serious backseat this week as we were all made aware of jimmy johns' gba 490 project...and if you get that joke than your diploma is no doubt from alabama. in any event here is the roundup. feel free to take a look at my answers from earlier this week as well. thank you to all who contributed.

-3rd saturday in blogtober

-alabama gameday

-roll bama roll

-memphis tider

-picture me rollin'

1. what team will be the biggest surprise in the sec in ’08?? the biggest disappointment??

-Since everyone (including me) is talking up Ole Miss under Houston Nutt, I don't really think they'll qualify as a surprise anymore, so I'm going with Tennessee. With all the hype surrounding Georgia and Florida, the Vols are getting lost in the shuffle despite both the talent and schedule to have another good season while also possibly ruining someone elses (please don't be us, please don't be us, please don't be us).

And on that note, the biggest disappointment could be Georgia. Not to bring down the wrath of our friends in the Dawgosphere, because I do think Georgia is a monster of a team that could very well win both the SEC and the MNC, but that schedule is just horrendously evil and even one loss for them would be a huge blow. -todd @ roll bama roll

-Call us homers, but Alabama will surprise those who don't follow the team religiously. Alabama will be much improved in attitude and drive, and will continue getting better and tougher throughout the year.

Mississippi State fans better get ready to be disappointed. With coaching upgrades for Arkansas and Ole Miss, the SEC West won't provide any gimme games for Sly Croom, and the Dawgs will fall back to earth. -tony orlando @ alabama gameday

2. we appear to know who our qb is going to be for the season barring something crazy, but not all offensive skill positions are so certain. as the season progresses, who do you see stepping up to be this squad's most productive rb?? and wr??

-The most productive running back will be Glen Coffee. He'll get the bulk of the carries this year because he's a tough nosed, between-the-tackles kinda guy. Terry Grant will be a scat-back, and will catch a lot of screen passes, etc, but he won't be our every down back. I have a feeling that Nikita Stover will be our best wide receiver this year. Julio will make some big plays, as will Darius Hanks and Marquis Maze, but Stover's been there before and knows how to come up big. He'll be a good senior leader this year. -memphis tider

-Terry Grant is due. But I also believe that Saban likes the committee style running back so I look for either Jimmy Johns (my bad, couldn’t resist) Roy Upchurch or Glen Coffee to make their mark this year. As far as receiver look for Nikita Stover to lead all categories, but I believe there will not be a lot of difference between the group as a whole. You should notice a trend here - I believe that if this offense is successful it will be because the ball is spread around and keeps the defense guessing. We’ve been used to one running back with all the carries and one WR leading all others by a large margin. I don’t think you’re going to see that this season and if you don’t the most important stat, W, will be greater that it has been lately. -picture me rollin'

3. obviously "the saban" is lord and savior, and created the heavens and the earth, but if you were forced to trade saban for another active coach, who would it be and why??

-Tough one. The first name that popped into my mind was Bob Stoops. He’s relatively young, energetic, a good recruiter, and knows how to revive a sleeping juggernaut. -crimson daddy @ 3rd saturday in blogtober

-Rich Rodriguez. Okay, seriously...

Butch Davis would have been a good choice before Saban came into the picture. He's hard-nosed, a good recruiter, and is good at rebuilding programs. -tony orlando @ alabama gameday

4. some people view bama fans as insane. while "insane" is an awfully strong word, many bama fans have a disturbing obsession with their team. what is the most significant/unique/valuable/weird piece of bama paraphernalia you have and why?? uncle rico note: i was surprised, yet comforted, by the relatively tame answers to this one

-My "lucky" game day shirt, which is completely ridiculous, totally inappropriate, and scandalously tight, so it is therefor always worn underneath a different Alabama shirt. I did, however, during the 2005 season watch every game alone while wearing nothing but said shirt and my boxer shorts, up until the LSU game where I realized I had pants on midway through the fourth quarter and therefor doomed us to a heart rending two game slump to ruin a perfect season. For this, I am sorry. -todd @ roll bama roll

-Wow. I don't feel like I have anything that weird. I guess I can claim my elephant tattoo with the red shading outside of it. Very much Bama influenced (also because my daughter loves elephants, but that could be from my Bama obsession as well). We'll stick with that - I have a tattoo for my favorite team. memphis tider

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a little a dis...a little a dat

-former alabama qb's coach dave rader has some of the most coherent comments i've seen yet on the jimmy johns situation. rader says that there is only one person to blame for all the crap jimmy johns did, and that is jimmy johns himself. so quit trying to point fingers at the saban and the shula.

-despite losing 2 of 3 to the 'stros, the rangers retain DAS BOOOOOOOOT!!!


-shawn chacon is insane...and unemployed.

-former bama forward dick hendrix went 49th to the warriors. good luck with all that buddy. i think you should have come back for another year, but at least you got drafted i guess. the only reason i generally pay attention to the nba draft is to see all the circus clown outfits. this year was actually pretty disappointing, so i'd like to thank robin lopez for being a wingnut.


crimson and white roundtable coming a little later, so ya'll come back now.

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the dogs beat down the dawgs

well it damn sure didn't turn out the way i expected it to, but then it so rarely does. fresno st. broke out their bats the minute the postseason started, and they never looked back. the deciding game was really a story of 2 players...jason detwiler provided all 6 rbi's, and uga could not figure out pitcher justin wilson (no, not that justin wilson). i'm not even going to get into the 4th seed/6 elimination game/31 loss talk. these guys took on everybody they put in front of them, including many of the best teams in the country, and beat down every one of them. so congrats to the fresno state bulldogs...i was pulling for uga, but damn you were a fun team to watch.

speaking of fun teams to watch, i love me some ncaa baseball. i think the aluminum bat will always keep it from truly surpassing the mlb for my fandom, but they are definitely neck and neck. here are the 2 biggest reasons why i love ncaa baseball:

-increased grabassing-wacky haircuts, team rituals/superstitions, farting around in the dugout, etc. these college guys know how to have fun, yet turn it on when they get between the white lines.

ever seen this on an mlb diamond??
-and the biggest reason...increased hustle-these college guys chase down/dive for every ball that is even within shouting distance...when they get a walk, they sprint to first base...the catcher making the snap throw to first base...and my favorite, taking the agressive turn around first base on EVERY SINGLE BASE HIT OUT OF THE INFIELD!

so viva ncaa baseball and what appears to be a slow increase in media coverage.

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dawg fight!!

i had every intention of talking omaha yesterday, but that plan went out the window when i became consumed with the tuscaloosa yayo industry. in any event, fresno evened up the series at a game a piece last night. i have to be honest, i checked out on this game in about the 5th inning due to the ass whipping and the fact that the game was on pace for about 5 hours. fresno crushed uga putting up 19 runs on 19 hits, allowing them to become the first team to ever score 16+ runs twice in the same cws. so tonight we move on to the winner take all game 3. it is definitely worth noting that fresno is 5-0 in elimination games this postseason. i feel like uga pulls through tonight as they are definitely the better team, but you have to respect the fresno state bats. go uga and go sec.

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cocaine is a helluva drug

i mean it must be for a promising young football player to throw his life away for it. alabama rb/lb jimmy johns was arrested this morning and charged with 5 counts of distribution of powder cocaine, and 1 count of possession. mr. johns are you the dumbest son of a bitch in alabama?? i mean that's a difficult task to achieve, but you are way up there. you are a senior, with at least A CHANCE of making a living at football, and at the very worst, live out the rest of your life letting people in the greater birmingham area employ you simply b/c of who you are. i can't even express how shocked/angry i am at the stupidity of this dude right now. more to come on this story i'm sure.

ps--i don't know if you heard, but bama has about 2 lb's left. who do i contact about my eligibility??

UPDATE 12:15pm: first, more bad news for jimmy...jeff snyder, the commander of west alabama narcotics squad had this to say about where jj sold his drugs. "various places," snyder said. "he sold at his resident on two occasions, then on campus two times, then one occasion, he met us at a location, car-to-car, and we bought from him there. we know he's got a source, which we haven't identified."

really jimmy?? on campus?? just when i think you can't get dumberer.

but finally some good news..."he was alone," snyder said. "no other players were involved. nobody else on the team."

"gots to get dat chrome for my late 90's explorer lawya"

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shaq would like kobe to toss his salad

let the record show that i hate kobe and am generally quite entertained by the big aristotle. i generally think freestyling is pretty lame, and this is no exception. when i first heard about this and the "kobe couldn't win without me" stuff, i didn't even give a damn. however, having seen the video in its entirity, i have to admit, it brought a smile to my face.

bonus shaq musical genius...

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monday what nots

-well, its taken a while, but here we are, the college world series finals. a best of 3 series kicking off tonight between the bulldogs and the dawgs (fresno st. and uga). although uga has been very impressive in omaha, fresno looks as though they may have lady destiny (not the girl from the gold club) on their side. they are a regional 4 seed which means they were never even supposed to make it to the super regionals much less here. i say uga takes it on the strength of their arms, but it takes them 3 games. and here i thought the sec was weak this year.

-in completely unrelated baseball news, what the hell is jason giambi doing?? yeah he's raking (he has only 56 hits, but 17 of them are dingers), but that's not what i'm talking about. what's up with that molester-iffic tickler he's sporting?? is he driving a van with no windows to the stadium everyday too??


-as i'm sure you've all heard, george carlin has passed on at the age of 71. a common theme today seems to be that despite being 71, his heart failure came as a shock. carlin was the first "dirty" comedian i remember listening to as a kid. his esquisite use of the word "fuck" is still a lofty perch i hope to reach one day. this video is long, but for god's sake pay your respects to the man and watch it. i give you george carlin on, ironically, death.

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crimson and white roundtable: your gracious host

its uncle ricos turn to host the roundtable. this was actually harder than i thought. i never have a problem answering other people's questions, but coming up with the questions sucked. in any event, here they are. for those of you unfamiliar, various bama bloggers will answer these questions and i will round them all up and present the highlights (and lowlights) on friday. happy monday.

1. what team will be the biggest surprise in the sec in ’08?? the biggest disappointment??

i'm looking for ole miss to be the biggest surprise. i always have faith in houston nutt to do more with less, and this team is not as low on talent as their record would indicate. i also look for jevan sneed to provide some offensive stability for them. don't get me wrong, they're not going to win the west or anything, but they won 0 conference games last year, if they go 3-5 its pretty damn impressive.

in terms of diappointment, i'm going to say lsu. obviously i'm a hater and my judgement will be called into question on this (again), but i just think with the guys they've lost, the qb situation, and the ball bouncing the other team's way a few times this year, they could roll up a few more losses than expected.

2. we appear to know who our qb is going to be for the season barring something crazy, but not all offensive skill positions are so certain. as the season progresses, who do you see stepping up to be this squad's most productive rb?? and wr??

so many factors to consider in this question as the saban has shown that he will favor who "deserves" to play just as much as who is the most talented. i really think rb is a crapshoot as far as who will get the most carries/production. in addition to having a large number of talented players at this position, the saban has shown that he can be very fickle with his rb's. for not much more of a reason than my gut feeling, i'm going to go with terry grant. i'm counting on our new offensive coordinator finding a way to get the quick and slippery grant in space where he can make some big plays.

i think coming out of last year i would have said mike mccoy would be our leading wr. and despite recently breaking his foot, he's still probably a pretty good bet. however i'm going to go with darius hanks. he looked good at a-day, i've heard nothing but good things about him, and i've just got a feeling about this guy.

3. obviously "the saban" is lord and savior, and created the heavens and the earth, but if you were forced to trade saban for another active coach, who would it be and why??

pete carroll...no question. in addition to the obvious, which is his record since he got to usc, the dude is also the most entertaining coach in america. tell me you wouldn't love to watch this guy interact with the bama faithful like this.

4. some people view bama fans as insane. while "insane" is an awfully strong word, many bama fans have a disturbing obsession with their team. what is the most significant/unique/valuable/weird piece of bama paraphernalia you have and why??

while i was in school ('97-'01), i worked the gene stallings rise golf tournament one year. i was the dude watching the closest to the pin or some nonsense. i got my picture taken with geno, and my sister later got it blown up to 8x12, signed by the man himself, and framed. that's my favorite piece of paraphernalia.

notice that nobody finds this guy out of the ordinary

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babbling incoherently

i gotta be honest...i'm struggling for content today. i expected to come in here and do some talking about about the final four teams in the cws, but the tigahs prayers to the god of skinny punks came true and the game was postponed until tonight. you see, the tigahs were just scratching the surface of an ass beatin' when their prayers were answered. will this change their fate?? we'll find out tonight.

in other baseball news, cj wilson fucking sucks. who is cj wilson you [non ranger fan] ask?? well he is probably the worst closer in baseball, and his shittiness is peaking right now. the word is he shaved his hair into a wicked mohawk after sucking on wednesday night in an effort to change his luck, but then he sucked yesterday WITH the mohawk. still looking for pictures of this thing by the way. check out his last 4 appearances:

June 15th: 1.0 IP, 3 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 0 K, 25 pitches
June 17th: 1.0 IP, 1 H, 0 ER, 0 BB, 0 K, 11 pitches
June 18th: 1.0 IP, 2 H, 1 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, 28 pitches
June 19th: 0.1 IP, 2 H, 2 ER, 1 BB, 1 K, 21 pitches

Total: 3.1 IP, 8 H, 5 ER, 4 BB, 85 pitches

cj's reaction to getting his ass booed off yesterday...no seriously
one ranger who does not suck is josh hamilton. sure we know he can rake, but the dude can do everything. check out this sweet ass outfield assist that resulted in a double play yesterday.

and finally, its on to the weekend. a little birthday party at the house of blues tonight...a little nick swardson stand up tomorrow night...shaping up to be a nice little weekend. so go 'heels, go dawgs, and check out a little nick swardson on your way out.

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playing catch up

-well as we all know, tiger is out for the rest of the year. he will have surgery to repair his torn acl, and recovery will keep him out until 2009. so no british, no pga, and no ryder cup. it turns out that tiger has been playing for at least 10 months with a torn ligament in his left knee. he tore the ligament while jogging after last year's british. in addition, he suffered a double stress fracture in his left leg two weeks before the us open. all of this only makes his win last weekend that much more impressive. given the injuries, that knee must have hurt to even get out of bed. this should answer any questions about tiger faking knee pain last week. one final note, dating back to the discovery of the torn acl, woods won 9 of 12 tournaments, including two majors, and never finished lower than 5th. wow.

-the definition of desperation: yankees sign a pitcher (sidney ponson) that the team with the highest era in the mlb (rangers) didn't want.

-and finally, time to get caught up with the cws. after tonight's lsu/unc game, we will be down to the final four, and its definitely not going to be the final four i expected. fresno state has easily been the most entertaining team in the tournament, with uga as a close second. with a little help from rice, the tigahs won another wild one in the 9th inning on tuesday night. as a hater, its frustrating to watch a team who has shown up for all of about 5 innings in their last 5 games, yet is still alive. go 'heels.

tuesday's lsu game also introduced the world to coach paul mainieri's family. at first glance, i thought we had a daughter to lust after, but upon further review, we will have to settle for hoping our wives look as good as paul's when they hit 50ish. she's no misty fogg champagne brady, but she's DAMN sure no kathy miles.

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wicked hahd ass beatin'

obviously this post was intended to go up first thing this morning, but photobucket threw me a serious monkey wrench. there was also supposed to be a cws post today, but instead i will just cover yesterday's games and tonight's game tomorrow. in any event, since i already had this all put together, here it is...its the celtics clinching their 17th nba championship in pictures (click for larger).

oooooo...so sorry

never seen this one in b-ball before

your finals mvp...ray allen isn't convinced

minus points for letting the new kids celebrate with you

really big baby...you feel pretty good about this??

the big 3...and then some

when is the pj brown parade in slidell???

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crimson and white roundtable: october style

this weeks questions are brought to you by the boys over at 3rd saturday in blogtober. per the usual, feel free to scan the other "bama links" to your right for additional input. enjoy.

1) Thanks to Roy Kramer legacy scheduling, Bama is in it’s “road year” when most of the great games will be on the road and season tickets basically are buy one (Iron Bowl) get seven free. You get to swap one home game for one road game. What’s your call?

since roy kramer was mentioned, i'm assuming we're talking conference games. so if it has to be a conference game, you can have kentucky and i want lsu back. i've been to 11 straight bama/lsu games, and anytime i can get out of listening to all of their bs in baton rouge, i'll take it.

2) After Clemson, our Non-Con schedule is pretty weak. You are able to trade any one them for any BCS team in the country. Who and why?

i would have no trouble giving any of these non conference games (minus clemson) up for a better matchup. since i live in big 12 country, amongst big 12 fans, i would like to give bama a shot at beating one of the teams over here. since they've already beaten texas tech in recent history (and it was prettys sweet), i'd like a crack at either the longhorns or the aggies.

3) You can bring back one player from Alabama history to play in his college condition. Who do you want?

i feel like i'm talking linebacker every week, but i really am afaid at what this squad will have to offer at that position. given that, and the fact that bama hasn't had a deadly pass rusher in a while, give me derrick thomas. i assume since this is make believe the fact that he is no longer with us isn't a problem.

4) Frankly, the idea of non-traditional food at a stadium is borderline sacrilegious. Still, the change is coming whether you like it or not, so it might as well benefit you. Gone will be the stale soft pretzels and nacho cheese. You get to pick one thing to replace it.

i've actually never been a nachos and/or pretzels guy at any stadium. i've just never really dug the soft pretzels, and i think (at the risk of sounding snobby) i just prefer a better quality queso than cheez whiz from a ladle. i'm more of a burger and hot dog guy. in any event, if i must go non traditional, how about some kind of bbq?? i mean it is alabama. what about the mcalister's style big ass baked potato?? maybe you could even combine the potato and bbq thing. as a louisiana boy i'd love it if someone borrowed someone's jambalaya recipe for bryant denny's use.

5) Since we would never wish injury upon another player, let’s say the President calls and says you can send one player from an opponent’s team to Guantanamo Bay before the game. Who do you pick and why?

given that bama doesn't have the gators on the schedule this year, i'm going to say mr. moreno. again this goes back to the whole lb problem. i think the defense can do what it takes to slow down stafford and the passing game, but moreno may very well slice and dice the tide.

roundtablin'

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the wacky ways people find uncle rico

one of my favorite things to do is to take a look at the winding roads some people take to get to this blog. usually about once a week i am taken aback not only by certain internet searches, but the fact that they lead someone here. these searches are all within the last 4 to 6 weeks. first the search term, than the post it led to, then a little lagniappe.

-"flexing asshole" - closet tiger - first of all this is as a result of one of my comments as opposed to dinglewood's post. shockingly this blog is the 4th result on google for this search. what was this person hoping to find???

-"emmitt smiff" - emmitt smiff do not talk good - this might be the one i'm most proud of just b/c the fact that this guy has a job where speaking is his primary function blows me away. 5th highest result on google.

-"he wears underwear with dick holes" - kathy miles wears underwear with dickholes in 'em - #1 google result bitches!!! ironically if you simply search for "kathy miles" someone besides les' wife comes up. your welcome kathy.

-"tattoo on pussy" - get a tattoo you pussy - far and away the most common of the bizarre searches that lead people to this site. i get this one probably once every 2 weeks or so. more amazing is that uncle rico is found on the 5th page of results for this search. this tells me that not only are a lot of people searching this term, but they're not giving up until they find what they're looking for.

"jessica simpson + super bowl + hitler" - hitler thinks jessica simpson is a bitch - this one may be the funniest. i assume this person was looking for the video, but that is just a damn funny combination of words. i couldn't even find where this came up as a google search result as so many people mentioned referred to this video.

"fupa boxing" - how about a kick to the fupa? - i could only find a link to rico for this search on google images, so this person must have been looking pretty hard. once again, the recurring theme, what were they hoping to find??

no doubt about to find his way to rico

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lots of early morning sportiness

-a strange story breaking this morning, and still not a lot of info available. javon walker was found unconcious on a las vegas street apparently a victim of a robbery. insanity.

-the mets have decided to can manager willie randolph. now its not surprising that they fired him, but it is surprising that they chose to do it at freaking 3am. was it that urgent?? and in true "its all relative" fashion, the rangers and mets have VERY similar records...the mets are firing people...the rangers are having slip and slide parties. just sayin'.

-in bama hoops news, ronald steele is staying, but richard hendrix is going. my analysis?? steele had no choice, and hendrix is making a big mistake. oh well, moving on.

-college world series update o' the day: da u took down florida state to send the 'noles packing once again and extending their insane streak of appearances in omaha without a title. a freaking great game last night between uga and stanford. uga is really looking a like a team of destiny right now with two late inning victories and the coveted 2-0 spot in their bracket. much of last night's broadcast focused on uga catcher bryce massanari and his wife lauren massanari (the former ms. lauren scyphers). why so much interest?? well first of all its always a story when one of these dudes already has a family, but this is no ordinary family. mrs. massanari, who had the couple's first child on april 30th, is/was miss nevada 2006. your boy gerry really enjoyed this mix of sport and hottie. for one thing it was easy on the eyes, and for another thing, it bought me about 30 minutes of interest from the girlfriend. for these reasons, we salute you lauren scyphers massanari nevada.

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FINALLY!!

it only took 91 holes to decide a us open winner. i may have snuck away from work to watch the last few holes live, and it was worth every minute. the last 2 days was some of the most entertaining golf i've ever watched. say what you want about tiger, but he had to bust his ass to win this one.

didn't you wear that yesterday tiger??

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the rangers practicing their hook slides

big ups to joshy for bringing this to may attention, b/c i was not aware this happened over the weekend. things i love about this:

-the rangers are keeping it loose. even though they are only at .500, that's still playing way over their head. probably not a coincidence that they are this loose.
-tearing up another team's field. funny shit.
-mets fans chanting for the rangers.
-milton bradley running on a rain soaked tarp with a questionable (at best) knee. dude you blew your knee out arguing with an umpire...is this a good idea??

go rangers

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a sporteriffic weekend

i don't know about you, but i had a pretty good weekend. a lake filled saturday and more sports than i could shake a stick at on sunday.

-the lakers force game 6 and a trip back to boston. all last night's game did was further prove who the better team is. despite paul pierce being the only guy who showed up for the celts, they still had every opportunity to win the game on the road. kg was in foul trouble all night, missed 2 or 3 easy tip ins, and missed to crucial late game free throws. if he accomplishes even one of those things it is likely the celts win the game. its only a matter of time.

-damn i live me some college world series. every year it just kind of reminds me of how pure it is. uga, stanford, fresno, and unc win, while miami, fsu, lsu, and rice head to the losers bracket. today its miami/fsu at 1pm, and uga/stanford at 6pm. and by the way, wtf is fresno trying to pull??

-of course the big story of the weekend was tiger woods showing once again he has one of the biggest sacks in sports by knocking down a clutch 12 footer on the 72nd hole of the us open to force a playoff. the dude is unreal. obviously the title won't be decided until today, but something tells me today's round will have trouble matching the drama of yesterday's.


-and in some sad, unsporty news, the dfw area hit 100 degrees yesterday...101 to be exact. its the 4th earliest the area has hit 100 degrees in the last 20 years. and this after recording the 8th hottest may on record. i fear july.

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how 'bout a little weekend lovin'?

some bloggers like to pretend they are too high brow to post/talk about/objectify women. meanwhile, others do it full time. i like to think uncle rico falls somewhere in the middle. for those of you in the dallas area, i like to think of uncle rico as being like the local radio station the ticket...a place for guys to talk about the things guys talk about. the fact of the matter is in a week we will be without both ncaa baseball and the nba. that will leave us with 3 months of nothing but the mlb, the occasional story from other sports, and longing for football. i say this b/c this will likely signal an increase in off topic posts. with that, i bring you, today's eye candy.

so am i the only one who wants to get naked with this chick kaley cuoco?? who is that you say?? she's the hottie on that sitcom with the nerdy dudes. you've probably surfed by it, stopped b/c there was a hottie on the screen, and then changed it a few minutes later b/c it sucked. i also remember her being on john ritter's last sitcom, and she was supposedly on that show charmed which i've never seen even one second of. if you still have no idea...feast your eyes. for god's sake click for larger.


hot chick with nunchucks...greatness.

things for you to watch for this weekend:
-omaha - go 'heels.
-us open - featuring crazy slick greens, wrist breaking rough, tiger's knee, lefty's mental breakdowns, and some no name undoubtedly rising up.
-nba - can the celts close it out in la?? if not, its only a matter of time.
-mlb - interleague baseball
-me?? i'm hittin' the lake...b/c that's what i do in the summer when i'm not traveling to out of town weddings.

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epic choke job

woooowwww. stick a fork in the lakers b/c they are DONE. how do you blow a 24 point lead on your home court in the nba finals when you have kobe on your team?? the celts just seem to have an answer for every single question. every night somebody steps up, including the likes of leon powe (really?) and eddie house (are you kidding me??). and how about ray allen?? if it all ended right now would "jesus shuttlesworth" be the finals mvp?? the same guy who looked really old and almost brought his team down in the first 3 rounds?? the guy played every minute of the game last night and had one of the prettiest base line moves i've seen in a very long time. the lakers may very well sack up and win game 5 on their home floor, but there is no way in hell they take 2 (or maybe even 1) in boston.


in completely unrelated choking news, i'd like to tell you about a few people who WILL NOT break par today at the us open today. you see when you are a nobody hacker, and you find yourself near the top of the leaderboard at a major championship on a difficult golf course, you mind eff yourself into firing an 80. here's the list for today's round.

justin hicks
kevin streelman
eric exley
rickie fowler

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stuff crimson and white people like

do you pull for the crimson tide?? do you have a "bama room" in your house?? when you look at yourself in the mirror through your brodie bangs do you see grey new balance, patagonia shorts, and various north face products?? then you're interested in heading over to edsbs and reading more stuff crimson and white people like.

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quick hits: tales of the insane edition

-the saints give will smith (not that will smith) a shitload of money...$70 mil to be precise. first off i'd like to say that its too much money, but here's why he had it coming to him: a) when i look at the pay for the other top de's in the league, this deal is in that range, and i feel smith is in that group. b) the saints truly f'ed up when they gave charles grant $63 mil last year. did you think will smith was going to take less money that that guy?? let's just hope smith lives up to the contract.

-alphonso soriano maintains his reputation of being made of glass by taking a pitch off his hand last night and setting himself up for a 6 week vacation. you know what that means, more action for slidellian mike fontenot. hopefully some regular playing time will help fontenot bring up that .239 batting average.


-milton bradley is insane. just when you think the dude has his emotions in check, and hasn't made any trouble in a while, he tries to go into the press box and whip a commentators ass for some comments made about bradley. of course after jon daniels and ron washington get his rage under control there is only one thing to do...cry. can somebody get this guy medicated??


-alabama fans do a little dance as it appears they won't have to listen to bill curry piss, moan, and speak ill of alabama football this year as he has agreed to create a football program at georgia state. in related news, brick sales have risen in the greater atlanta area.

-orson touched on the freaks of college football yesterday in regards to trindon holliday. well i meant to get this article up yesterday as well, but i suck. anyway, this is an interesting list of workout warriors and physical specimen from college football.

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us open preview

i love me some us open for many of the same reason some people hate it. i love that it makes the pros crazy. insanely fast greens, thick ass rough, and bowling lane sized fairways. however i do have my limits. i don't like it to be so tricked up that its mickey mouse, but i want the winner to be just barely under par. the excitement gets kick off right away tomorrow as the 7th group off of the tee consists of lefty, tiger, and adam scott. obviously the big question going into tomorrow is what's up with tiger's knee. if the knee is strong, and he's knocked the rust off from his down time, watch out b/c tiger owns torrey pines.

other fashionable picks that i endorse include:
phil mickelson
geoff ogilvy
jim furyk
padraig harrington
retief goosen

guy i wish would win but won't:
boo weekley

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crimson and white roundtable 3.0

this week's questions are brought to you by picture me rollin' (in my 500 benz). as usual, be sure to browse the "bama links" section to the right for more answers...or just wait for the roundup on friday.

Other than the contest against Little Brother, what do you think is a “must-win” for Alabama this season?

anyone who reads this blog even a little bit (both of you) knows that the lsu game is the biggest game of every season to me. this is largely (but not entirely) due to the fact that i was raised in tigah country and have no less than 37 people call/text/email me every time lsu beats bama. this year it is likely to only be bigger as it is saban's return to red stick, and with no clear front runner in the west, this game is very likely to take on post season implications.

Every year there seems to be a player that no one is really talking about pre-season that garners accolades by the end of the year. Who will that be for Alabama this year?

i'm going to go way out on a limb and say lb eryk anders. i've already mentioned this guy once over on pmr, so i'll stick with him. he's not all that big (6'2" 225lbs), but has pretty good speed, and is obviously at a position in need of someone to step up. he also looked pretty solid getting 2 sacks in the a-day game...whatever that's worth. you heard it here first.

In your opinion, how many true freshmen will start against Clemson? How many will start against Little Brother?

i'm going to say 1 against clemson, and 4 against aubbie. i have little to no reasoning or information to back this up, other than just taking a shot in the dark based on lack of depth, liklihood of injuries, and talent level of incoming freshmen.

Pick one player on offense and one on defense and give a match up with an opponent that you are really looking forward to watching this season.

i enjoy watching physical specimen go up against each other. therefore, these matchups are based less on the liklihood that they will actually see a lot of each other on the field, and more on my level of interest.

rolando mcclain vs. knowshon moreno

julio jones vs. eric berry

What, if any, SEC school’s head coach will be out after this season?

well the way i see it, everyone in the west is safe unless they choose to leave voluntarily (tubbs??). over in the east, the only option i see is fat phil. brooks has done enough at kentucky to buy himself at least one crappy year, and the same goes for johnson at vandy. most everybody else is too new to get fired at this point. there's always bobby petrino.

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omaha: somewhere in middle america

so 6 of the 8 top seeds made it to omaha. not too shabby selection committee. i did my best to keep the tigahs out of omaha, but i apparently left town too early. the tigahs were basically losing the entire weekend until i left town, no doubt as a direct result of my alabama rally cap dance outside of the box. so i'd like to apologize to the last dragon, all other tigah haters, as well as the people of omaha. i have however done some research on travelocity, and in an effort to rectify this sitation, i have found that a round trip flight with a hotel and rental car from saturday to saturday can be had for a grand total of $1616. this does not include tickets or food, but as last weekend proves, i can be just as effective without even entering the stadium. as for food, i don't mind paying for this as my contribution to this little venture. so the ball is in the last dragon's court...or anyone else who wants to donate to this noble cause.

one way or another, things kick off saturday at 1pm cst with stanford/florida st. for more info, feel free to check out this little interactive bracket that has some pretty cool info on it. and in closing...go dawgs...and go 'heels...know what i'm sayin'??

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drink, drank, drunk...and cut

two players of interest to this blog basically drank their way out of a job over the weekend...ced benson and sidney ponson.

-first off, slidellian matt forte would like to thank ced benson for being a really big f'ing idiot. it now appears the bears' starting rb job is the tulane rookie's to lose. but one also has to wonder what the hell is going through cedric benson's mind? not only for driving drunk just a matter of weeks for "alledgedly" doing the very same thing behind the wheel of a boat, but let's not forget the fact that ced was arrested twice in college as well. once for pot possession (a "friend" later said the pot was his...sure it was), and i believe the other time was for the classic "kick a door in and take back MY tv." whatever the case, matt forte and his fans thank you ced.


-the other winner in the "who can drink themselves out of a job first" sweepstakes is sidney ponson. sir sidney was cut by the rangers over the weekend after they were nice enough to give him a 6th chance in spring training. there are many stories circulating in regards to sidney's behavior including challenging teammates, challenging ron washington to cut him, and being so drunk and beligerent in a hotel bar the night before a recent start that he was "asked" to leave. the bottom line is, as gm jon daniels said, "we don't feel sidney deserves to be here or wants to be here." i actually really respect the rangers for this. nobody needs solid arms more than the rangers, and sir sid was 4-1 with an era under 4.00. a douchier team would have kept him around and put up with his crap to win games. so viva rangers, and viva whatever young gun they bring up to try to replace sir sid.

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fall leagues instead of fall practice

so it turns out i left a little something out of this morning's regroup. bama had two of their football recruits, destin hood and melvin ray, drafted in the mlb draft over the weekend. hood was drafted 55th overall by the nationals, and ray was drafted in the 33rd round by the dodgers. well it turns out ray has informed the tide he will be signing with the dodgers. the boys over at roll bama roll speculate that it has quite a bit to do with the suspicions that ray would not have qualified anyway. being that he is signing despite being drafted in the 33rd round, i'd say that's a pretty sound theory. as for hood, he has not signed yet, but is expected to. in keeping with my belief that the whole recruiting game is about as exact as playing roulette, i'm not going to get bent out of shape about someone who has never played a down of college football. however, this is relevant in that bama/the saban took a pantload of shit about the size of their class and getting them under 25, etc, etc...well with ray and hood likely out, the loss of a few to medical scholarships, non qualifiers, etc this class is looking to shape up just fine. in other words, maybe you crybabies shouldn't get your speedos in a bunch in february over something that doesn't matter until months down the road.

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we need to regroup

i once again made it back alive from the wedding road trip. it was another trip into tigah country, and this crowd was a particularly classy one. i'll give the groom this though, he had the best looking groom's cake i've seen in all of my recent wedding travels. on to the regroup:

-first and foremost we had baseball, sweet ncaa baseball. while the girlfriend was doing bridesmaid crap on friday, i sat on my ass and watched about 6 straight hours of baseball. great day. i'm going to save the full analysis for tomorrow when the final two teams are decided, but i will talk about my sabatage attempt. i drove down nicholson about 30 minutes before first pitch and with my alabama rally hat on, i let out a few "go eaters"...with the windows up of course...i'm not an idiot. 3 hours later i really thought my gris gris had paid off, but it appears i may have left town a little to early. we will find out tonight at 6pm. go eaters.

-big brown proceeded to kill the buzz of everyone who didn't have cash on da'tara. big brown really didn't even bother to show up. post race inspections don't seem to provide any answers. crazy stuff.

-after trying really hard to give it away last night, the celts are up 2-0 on the lake show. the lake show has looked really average so far in this series, and that makes me happy. i can only hope the celts road woes come to an end starting tomorrow night.

-and now a few quick bama notes. feel free to go back the crimson and white roundtable roundup.

-and i saved the best for last. bama legend kenny "the snake" stabler has been arrested for dui. now anyone who knows anything about "the snake" is not surprised by this. hell given that nobody got hurt i actually think its kind of funny.

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the weekend comes early for gerry

you'll never guess what i'm doing this weekend...or maybe you will. that's right, its another wedding road trip. this one takes me back to tigah country. if you'll recall, the last time i went to a wedding in tigah country i vowed sabotage jimmy dix and "help" him get kicked off of the team. well i think we all know how that turned out...gerry 1, tigahs 0. this weekend, i move on to baseball. i am making it my duty to send alex box out in a way that i see fit...as losers. maybe the team gets a little salmonella or something...who knows??


things to watch for/ponder this weekend
-obviously pantloads of baseball this weekend, particularly of the ncaa variety. go eaters!

-the wings finally close out the stanley cup. as much as i hate the wings, in a way i was kind of glad to see them win it as i think they were easily the best team in the nhl this year.


-the nba finals start tonight. i hate the lakers with a serious passion. go celts!!

-big brown will try to become the first triple crown winner in 30 years as a 2-5 favorite from the #1 post.

-the saints fire randy mueller. WTF?!? i haven't had time to really look into this much, but this comes as a shock to me. was he the best executive in the league?? no, but i always thought he was pretty solid.

-john mclaren = overcusser.

have a good fuckin' weekend ya sons a bitches!

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alabama football: under the lights

this is the time of year i like to point you in the direction of things that may help to hold you over until football season. so i give you "under the lights: alabama football." the show takes a behind the scenes look at bama's spring practices, including the a-day game. i for one am shocked the saban would even allow this, but i guess this just shows his generosity knows no bounds. it debuts tonight @ 7pm cst on sportsouth and re-airs @ 11pm cst, tomorrow night @ 9pm cst, sunday, june 8 @ 4pm cst, and thursday, june 12 @ 9pm cst. here, have a tasty little sample.

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crimson and white roundtable: week 2

week 2 is here. this week is hosted by the boys over at roll bama roll, so be sure check them out on friday morning for the roundup. check in with some of the boys under the "bama links" for their input as well. also feel free to take a look at last week's answers and roundup with a quick little scrolldown as i don't feel like linking to something 8 inches down the page.

1. We have a poll up at RBR about what was the biggest SEC upset from last season. What is your pick and why?
i would have to go with arky/lsu. the tigahs went into this game knowing they still had a good shot at the bcs title game, and they still failed to truly show up. arky was a very one dimensional team, yet the once heralded tigah defense looked completely lost as d-mac and friends ran circles around them. as a tigah hater, the only downside was that i watched this game with the girlfriend's extremely pro lsu family. i couldn't celebrate nearly as much as i wanted to.

2. Looking ahead to this season's schedule, what games do you see as being the deciding factors in who will win the SEC?
the world's largest outdoor cocktail party will once again play a huge part. the winner of this game will no doubt have the inside track to winning the east, and would likely be favored over anyone the west would have to offer. speaking of the west, i can't pinpoint any one game that will decide that division as i think it is up for grabs.

3. Phil Steele and Athlon have Florida ranked #1 in the country with UGA coming in at #9 and #5, respectively, while Lindy's likes the Dawgs at #1 and Florida at #6. Obviously both teams can't represent the East in Atlanta, so which team do you think will wind up playing for the title and a berth in the Sugar Bowl (or National Championship Game), or do you think it's possible neither team will be there at the end of the season?
i will go with florida with no real explanation other than gut feeling. as i mentioned last week, florida is a national title contender as long as tim tebow is on the field. the gators only lost 3 games last year (2 of which they had every opportunity to win), and i think they'll be even better this year with rb's chris rainey and emmanuel moody looking to take some of the load off of tebow. uga seems to be on a runaway hype machine and i'm just not sure they're going to be able to live up to it. even so, i don't see uga losing more than 1 or 2 games.

4. It's a little early for a "traitor's draft" since we don't know who the starters are going to be until the fall, but since football is a year long affair let's go ahead and have one. If you could trade two Alabama spring starters, one offensive and one defensive, for their counterpart on any other SEC team, who would you trade and why?
i don't like this question, and i'm not even sure why. maybe it just feels like bad gris gris to be talking about shipping bama's current players away and welcoming in the enemy. in any event, i'll proceed, albeit uncomfortably and i'm going to be brief. i'll give you any lb not named rolando for mr. brandon spikes. and you can have jpw for timothy tebow. two tiders for two gators...see how uncomfortable that is??

5. Finally, and just for fun, give me one non-Alabama game you'd love to attend this season.
i probably put way more thought into this question than originally intended, but that's how i roll. my initial reaction was to say either the cocktail party or the red river shootout, but i quickly eliminated them and let me tell you why. my criteria for this one game are as follows: relevance (the game has to have a chance to mean at least a little something in the grand scheme of things), hatred between the two teams (its just more interesting that way), a place i've never been before (eliminating much of the sec), and it must be on a college campus (no neutral sites). after much thought, i came up with south carolina at clemson. there should be at least some relevance, from what i understand there is a very high level of hatred, i've never been there, and i've always heard really good things about the gameday atmosphere at clemson.

how could you not want to be here??

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reason #413 i ain't watching women's sports

increased crying.


i can tolerate sports tears (no sobbing or bawling) in certain situations, which i won't go into right now b/c that is a whole other post, but women's sports just has far too many tears for me.

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ncaa baseball tourney: super regional time

the road to omaha continues
well it sure as hell didn't look like it on friday night, or even on saturday, but all of the top 8 seeds survived their regionals, and will host their respective super regionals starting on friday.

off the top of my head
-bama played about like a 3 seed, which is to say inconsistent.
-the baton rouge regional was a chickenshit one. to say otherwise is homerism. however, i will say it again, a winning streak of this length is impressive against any level of competition. and now these dicks have drawn uc-irvine...really??
-i was pulling hard for tulane, but they were not on the same level as florida state
-the sec struggled...to put it nicely...but in the end both of their top seeded teams emerged.
-ucla won a game by one run after tagging a runner out on THIRD BASE via the hidden ball trick. you deserve to lose if you let this happen.
-arizona state laughs as 4 seed fresno state advances out of the long beach regional.
-the only other non-number 1 seeds to advance were 2nd seed wichita st out of the okie state regional and 2nd seed uc-irvine out of the nebraska regional.

check out the updated bracket here.

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