Friday, August 29, 2008

tide get ready to roll!!

one final piece of motivational material. have a great weekend, and good luck to your team...unless i want them to lose.

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clemson weekend forecast: chance of showers

battle of the overly tattooed jackasses

i've always kinda dug clemson. i don't know if its the uniforms, or howard's rock and the hill, or what, but i've always thought they were a cool program. a while back in one of the crimson/white round tables i noted that if i could bring two teams into the sec, it would be clemson and florida state...and i would take clemson first. in addition to their style of play, i feel their gameday atmosphere would fit right in here in the sec. clemson however, has had trouble in recent history of living up to their hype. they have folded many a time under tommy bowden, often times when the spotlight has shone the brightest. and that is one aspect that intriges me the most about this matchup. as i look down the roster i see much more talent on the clemson side of things, particularly on offense. cullen harper is a solid qb who has suddenly skyrocketed in terms of nfl stock. his favorite target is 6'5" aaron kelly who is back for his senior year after nearly turning pro. but the real studs are rb's cj spiller and james davis. the only problem with all of this?? can the o-line, which was spotty at best most of last year, get it together?? on defense, clemson is pretty solid with the exception of lb which is a pretty big question mark. for the tide, the questions are obvious. will we see john parker wilson or EVIL john parker wilson?? how well the many freshman who will see the field play while debuting on such a large stage?? how will the bama defense, particularly the lb's, hold up against all this firepower and speed?? i think the tide keeps it interesting for 2 or 3 quarters, but that clemson's offensive firepower wears down the inexperienced and thin tide defense as the game wears on. i wish i could say otherwise, but i try not to let my homerism cloud my predictions. here's to me being wrong.

clemson - 31
bama - 24


the real death valley

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Thursday, August 28, 2008

what time is it?!?

it's here!! it's here!! it's here!!

enjoy finally feeding your addiction tonight kids. i know i will.

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love thine enemy: clemson

continuing last year's tradition here on rico, we will show you some of the good things each week's opponent has to offer. you should probably soak up all you can this week, b/c the next two weeks are tulane and western kentucky, and i'm expecting slim pickins. as always, click for larger.








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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

alright bama haters...caption the pictures

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ain't nuttin' but a gangsta party

-fulmer cup champions beeeeooooootch!!! save for a last minute crime spree in the next 11 hours, the cup belongeth to the tide. i for one will accept it with pride. uncle rico firmly believes that with thuggery comes success on the field. special thanks of course to entrepreneurial spirit of mr. jimmy johns.

-pretty interesting little recruiting tidbit here. apparently an unnamed high school coach somewhere in alabama gives his players a list of the "top 20 recruiting lies" every year. when asked how many the saban has thrown at his players...the answer was "none." he also mentioned that somebody reset the record this past year, but wouldn't say who. pretty interesting. check out the list of lies here.

-a cool article about clemson assistant dabo swinney and his love for the tide.

-stupac mandel says that lsu will not suck this year and some schmo comes up with a pretty interesting stat. in past bcs championship games, teams that HAVE played in a conference championship game are 5-1 against teams that HAVE NOT, with usc's ass whipping of oklahoma as the only exception. a little something else for the big 10 to suck on.

-ivan maisel says that neutral site games such as bama/clemson could be the beginning of a trend. so many big out of conference games never happen b/c nobody wants to give up a revenue generating home game as part of a home/home series. the one time neutral site game helps to alleviate a great deal of that sting.

don't mind me...i'm just drankin' some colt .45 from the cup

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let's talk ncaa football unis

one of the many things i love about bama are their timeless unis. i mean if you truly want to get a bama fan fired up, start talking about changing up the unis. the only alteration of any kind in recent memory was 2 years ago when the tide wore houndstooth trim to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the bear's 315th victory. i think most everyone agreed it was cool, but it was a much bigger deal than it would have been at most any other school. not all programs are so deadset on their uniform designs though. some teams twist and tweak them damn near every year. this year is no exception, so let's take a look at the winners and losers (each team has a link to pics):

winners:
-georgia tech-look pretty classic, i'm gonna need to see these on the field to fully decide though.
-oregon state-anything is better than last year's "sports bra" look, but these look especially sharp.
-smu-at least looking (if not playing) like the pony express again.
-kentucky-this one could have gone either way, but i liked them before, and they're not that different.
-va tech throwbacks-kickin' it old school.
-syracuse-anything is better than the all orange of last year.

losers:
-arkansas-i liked the old ones better, but not terrible.
-cal-maybe the biggest losers of all...soooooo arena football. see here, here, and here.
-hawaii-no fake thigh tattoo?? you lose.
-iowa state-a) who cares b) they look like they're ripping off usc pretty hard.
-michigan-a) these unis should not be messed with b) now they look more like wvu, which is shady at best.
-minnesota-ridiulous pant striping.
-tennessee-though i think their fans are on board, i cannot support the orange pants.
-uab-looks like a default nike template.
-unlv-the canadian football league called...
-utah-default under armour template.
-vandy-look exactly like wake forest, but who really cares??
-va tech-these guys are nike's bitch.
-cincinnati-one step away from wearing zubaz.
-south florida-nothing special, but not horrible.

rumors:
-some rumors out there of clemson sporting new unis for the alabama game on saturday. not sure if this is really going to happen, but considering the rumors include a purple helmet, i hope its not true for the sake of clemson fans.

-there are rumors of a black helmet debuting for oregon at some point this year. i mean at this point if they came out in hot pink it wouldn't surprise me.

-a few more rumors of changes (or done deals that i couldn't find pics of): florida international, duke, memphis, and houston.

innovator of the year award:
-southern miss and their facemask logos. i've damn sure never seen anything like this.

vagina of the year award:
-arkansas state is knee deep in the middle of changing from the "indians" to the "red wolves." gay.

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

rico's 2008 preseason top 25

i spent maybe 20 minutes on this, yet i bet its no less accurate than people who do this shit for a living 365 days a year. notes follow.

1. FLORIDA
2. OKLAHOMA
3. OHIO STATE
4. MISSOURI
5. UGA
6. USC
7. CLEMSON
8. WEST VIRGINIA
9. AUBURN
10. TEXAS
11. WISCONSIN
12. LSU
13. ARIZONA STATE
14. TENNESSEE
15. TEXAS TECH
16. BRIGHAM YOUNG
17. SOUTH FLORIDA
18. KANSAS
19. VIRGINIA TECH
20. ILLINOIS
21. WAKE FOREST
22. PENN STATE
23. OREGON
24. FRESNO STATE
25. BAMA

notes:
-i just have a feeling about florida...stong at qb, better on defense.
-i love me some sam bradford and oklahoma
-ohio state will be all up in it once again being head and shoulders above a shitty big 10
-have you seen mizzou's schedule?? not much to talk about other than @ texas.
-clemson has a lot of talent and a weak schedule. hell bama may be the best team the play all year in week 1.
-i just don't fully trust usc's qb position just yet
-i don't really think wvu is all that great, but pat white and noel devine are...and the big east isn't
-i know i'll catch hell about lsu, but i'm going to try to give an unbiased assessment. they lost 2 games last year, they have questions at qb, they lost key players on defense, and have a new defensive coordinator. i don't think 3 if not 4 losses is out of the question.
-texas tech may be better, but they will still lose to the 'horns and sooners of the world
-south florida will also benefit from weak big east
-kansas has a much tougher schedule than last year, not to mention the difficulty of duplicating that kind of magic
-if other polls can rank bama, than i damn sure can. 8 wins is a stretch, but not impossible, and that gets them into the top 25.

please place any unanswered questions and hate mail in the comments...i know you will.

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everybody loves the sec...including espn

-much to the saban's chagrin, eventually there is going to be a depth chart, and here it is. interesting notes:

-julio is a starter. i fully expected him to start at some point this year the moment he signed, but i didn't think week one.
-no real shock at glen coffee getting the nod at rb, but it is interesting that true frosh mark ingram is on the two deep.
-defense shook out about like i thought, other than i thought alonzo lawrence would be on the two deep, but that may be a function of saban's expectation level at db.
-julio returning kickoffs as well?? this terrifies me.
-qb nick fanuzzi is transferring. not shocking at all considering fanuzzi was quickly sliding down the depth chart, which would not be helped by the likely addition of aj mccarron next year. fanuzzi has aspiration of being a starter, so he will try to do so elsewhere.

-a quick bama hoops note, 6'6" guard tony mitchell has finally enrolled and has done so in time to stay eligible for the fall. there was some late questions with the ncaa clearinghouse regarding mitchell, who is expected to contribute immediately.

-espn signs a 15 year deal with the sec worth more than $2 billion (yes, with a "b") basically to televise anything and everything cbs passes on. one of the big side effects of this deal will be the end of the artist formerly known as jefferson pilot games on saturday mornings after this year. from what i read, many sec fans are unhappy about this. they've grown to love the saturday morning games, and they fear games being on channels they don't currently get (espnu). at first i was shocked at the anger, but then i realized that all of these angry people live in sec country. for someone who doesn't live in sec country, like me, this can only mean good things as i don't get jp games anyway.


-do yourself a huge favor and read what may the funniest thing you'll read all year regarding college football, and the season hasn't even started yet. its the gump 4 heisman "things to look forward to this college football season."

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Your betting guidelines, from ole Uncle Joshua

There are some things you should know, dear friend, if you are willing to place your hard earned wages on the line against those unassailable geniuses in Vegas. First off, you must find the right sports book.

The right sports book will give you decent to generous juice, with the option to buy or sell juice for points. This isn't a be all, end all, but it is important. Furthermore, a good book will get lines out there early in the week, allowing for you to make the plays you want, when you want. Also, this book should pay you when you whenever you desire, and with a minimum of hassle. Now, all of this goes with the idea that you are doing what is currently frowned on by federal ideas of legal gobbledeegook.

It will take some trouble, but an offshore book will do these things for you and more (cash bonus for signing up). I can speak from experience and tell you that the effort is worth it. This, of course, if you don't have a friendly neighborhood bookie to enable your fliff slanging predilections. Anyway, an offshore book is worth the trouble. Stay away from a convenience like Bodog. They are facing some severe interest from the feds. Sure, they are easy to use, but you never know when the hammer will drop, along with your winnings. Myself? I go with The Greek or 5 Dimes. Excellent books with solid reps.

That said, what am I looking at right now?
-tenn -7 UCLA (UCLA is messed up with injuries, esp. at qb, I have a feeling bout UT)
-CLEM -5 bama (Clemson runs, Bama rush d is suspect, great line at 5)
-KANSAS -36 fla int u (KU is a covering machine, FIU is terrible)
-bc -9.5 KENT (bc is ok and brings a decent/solid defense)

and later on?
-uga @ ASU (taking UGA and the spread. I think UGA kills them)
-osu @ SOUTHERN CAL (a hunch. that and Ohio St just has to have a chip on their shoulder. to say nothing that they are loaded and experienced).

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Monday, August 25, 2008

somewhere just north of useless

just got done with the optometrist appointment, and you know what that means...blinded by dilation. therefore i don't have a whole helluva lot to offer the world for the rest of the day.

not too long ago your boy gerry discovered the fun of windows movie maker. i've toyed with it in make a few little videos for friend and family consumption. well a couple weeks ago i thought, "i know...i'll be THAT guy." "that guy" makes little youtube videos for their favorite football team and sets them to songs such as "boom! here comes the boom! ready or not..." or some other hard hitting metal/gangsta rap track. well here is my first attempt at such nonsense. is it amazing?? no...but its kinda fun, and more importantly the song kicks ass. consider this the official beginning of football fever '08.

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monday quick hits: a kick to da face

some transitional quick hits between me recovering from my olympic fever and full throttle football.

-in one of the most insane sporting events i've seen in a long time, a cuban olympian competing in taekwondo kicked an official in the face. angel matos was essentially dq'd for delay of game. unhappy with the offical's decision, he taekwondo'd him in the face. it's looking like mr. matos may be banned for life. c'mon...who among us hasn't wanted to kick an official in the face at some point in our lives??


-the little leaguers from hawaii took down mexico in the championship game yesterday, giving the us 4 straight wins. those wins have come from only two states: hawaii, georgia, georgia, and hawaii.


-i don't know how i've never noticed this until recently, but ryan howard looks exactly like for snl cast member tracy morgan. I'M BRIAN FELLOWS!!!


-some super quick nfl hits: osi is gone for the year, is strahan coming back, matt ryan gets the nod as starter in atlanta, so does kurt warner (wait what??), shawne merriman has some serious shit going on with his knee, and the saints did this to carson palmer's face.


-and finally sir sean connery is 78 today. now i love me some sean connery, but the first thing i think of when i think sean connery, is snl celebrity jeopardy...something i'm sure sir sean considers a punch in the crotch.

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Friday, August 22, 2008

its the weekend...and you'd better make this one count

just a little something to get your sec wienie wigglin'. the sec season officially kicks off thursday night with the cocks and 'dores in nonconference action. that's only 6 days away kids. following that we get the full slate of games on saturday. i can barely contain myself.


taking the above into consideration, remember that this is your last weekend without football in your life. as i tell the girlfriend, next weekend my mistress comes to town...and she's gonna be here for a few months. so you better make this weekend count. get to work on your "honey do" list, build something, fix something, whatever, b/c you're 8 days away from being one useless sonuvabitch on the weekends...CUZ IIIIII...I'M ADDICTED!!

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friday quick hits: mr. rosanne barr edition

-in shocking news that you've no doubt already heard, gene upshaw passed away yesterday from pancreatic cancer at the age 63. upshaw's death came as a surprise to everyone, including himself, as he was only diagnosed with the pancreatic cancer 4 days before his death. i for one was not a huge fan of upshaw, but that's probably more a function of his job description than the man himself. his effect on the nfl is undeniable. in addition to his hall of fame career with the raiders, upshaw had a huge impact on the game as leader of the nflpa. other than paul tagliabue, noone has affected the game more in the last few decades, including overseeing the inception of free agency in the nfl.

-andy staples apparently does hours and hours of research and comes to the conclusion that julio jones will be expected to contribute immediately. hey andy...julio ain't the only tide freshman who will need to contribute immediately. the line forms to the left.

-speaking of bama football...capital W...capital T...capital F

yes, that is tom arnold at bama football practice

-the u.s. track team can't stop stepping on their dicks. the u.s. very rarely loses the 4x100 relay...unless they drop the damn baton...which is what both the men and women did yesterday. how hard is this?? especially in the prelim races. you know you're going to smoke f'ing zimbabwe or whoever is in those early prelim races. all you have to do is make slow safe passes and you're still going to make it to the finals. what has been called the "greatest us track team ever" is going to come away a very disappointing medal count.

-i've kissing a lot of usain bolt ass the last few days on here (and rightfully so), but we should not forget what a badass human michael phelps is. that is why i'm posting this picture of phelps telling mark spitz to suck it via the cover of si.

8 > 7

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

usain "fastest human ever" bolt turns 22 today

what can you say about this dude that hasn't been said?? he obliterated the field in both of the sprinting events against what is obviously the best group of sprinters the world has to offer. his only competition was the world record which wasn't even a very worthy competitor in the 100m (something tells me he ain't done with that record). the only real difference between the two races was usain's effort level. in the 100m he was basically texting his buddies in jamaica from the 80m mark on. however in the 200m he had to bust ass the entire way. take a look at the two photos below to see the difference. i'd love to post videos, but the olympic nazis are deleting videos from the internet faster than you can say jamaica.

the 100m

the 200m

it is a commonly held opinion that bolt has come out of nowhere, which is untrue. the only reason he has seems to have come out of nowhere is b/c a) he is only 22 (as of today) and b) as a 200m specialist, he only recently (about a year) began running the 100m. a look into his past shows how good he is and always has been. some facts:

-he owns the fastest 200m time in the world for practically every age group as he was coming up. if you check his achievements, you'll see he's been kicking ass ever since he put on track shoes.

-his 200m gold medal at the 2002 world junior championships made him the youngest gold medalist in the history of the competition. he became the first junior sprinter to run the 200m in under 20 seconds in 2004 with a time of 19.93.

-another reason he appears to come out of nowhere is b/c after turning pro in 2004, his first two seasons were screwed by injuries including failing to advance beyond the first round of qualifying in the '04 olympics

-former track god michael johnson has some hot sports opinions about usain breaking his record, that would probably be racist if he was a white dude.


why would they be in the jungle michael?? why can't they be on the [insert white suburb] high school track team?? i did think it was really cool that michael enjoyed watching usain so much. johnson's record was earth moving when he set it in '96. it was widely thought that his record wouldn't be touched for 30 or 40 years being that he had shaved more than 3 tenths of a second off the mark. oh well. again...the dude is only 22...he is not done embarrassing the world's sprinters by a long shot.

-for some bonus usain info, my boy mac g goes into much greater depth as to the cultural phenomenon that is usain bolt, including his jamaican dance moves, which i found surprisingly interesting.

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a few quickies: "john anderson's don't just grow on trees" edition

-the new mailbag from stupac mandel. best line?? "the word out of alabama camp -- where the Tide could be playing slip 'n slide for all we know, such is the veil of secrecy under which nick saban's team operates." pretty funny.

-this just in...bama football fans can be a little obsessive. forbes was forced to reprint 10,000 copies of the saban issue due to customer demand. the popular issue sold out in 10 minutes at books-a-million's alabama stores last friday. they will no doubt look really nice framed above the mantle.

-have you seen the new sportscenter commercial with the big white hat?? i gotta tell ya...its not bad. however, i notice they didn't ask him to be the producer (HEYOOOO!!!).

-in "holy hell the hype machine is out of control" news, the sporting news is reporting that an "afc scout" thinks that julio "looks like randy moss and plays effortlessly." i'm nervous.

-and now for uncle rico's tip o' the day-when a tropical storm/hurricane is heading your way, DO NOT go play in it. check out this kite surfer who did not heed our advice. culling the herd my friend...culling the herd.

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rico's nfl crystal ball

division standings
nfc south
new orleans
carolina
tampa
atlanta

nfc east
dallas
new york
philly
washington

nfc north
green bay
minnesota
chicago
detroit

nfc west
seattle
arizona
st. louis
san fran

afc south
indy
jacksonville
tennessee
houston

afc east
new england
new york
buffalo
miami

afc north
pittsburgh
cleveland
cincy
baltimore

afc west
san diego
denver
oakland
kansas city

wild cards
nfc
new york
carolina

afc
jacksonville
cleveland

conference champs
nfc
dallas over new orleans

afc
indy over san diego

super bowl
dallas over indy

notes
-i'm not so much confident that the saints are going to kick ass (given the looks of that defense), as much as i am confident their division blows.

-the nfc east is the best division in football, and not by a little bit

-what i said about the saints, goes double for the packers

-i don't feel that great about cleveland as an afc wildcard, but their division is fairly weak, so i went with it. look for denver to possibly steal that spot.

-similar thoughts on carolina. if they don't make it, look for philly to make it 3 teams from the best division in football.

-i think the cowboys are no doubt the best team in football on paper. they have all pros at pretty much every position. however that doesn't equal titles. i don't think they can match last year's 13-3 record, but i can't think of anyone more likely to at least make it to the super bowl.

looking to win it all in spite of, and not because of, their head coach

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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

i'm trying to find a fault in this...

but i just can't do it.


HT: da wiz

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i'm gonna live to be 200 years old

last week i drank from real deal fountain of youth in st. augustine florida. now, ernest borgnine reveals the true secret to living a long, healthy life. hell, between these two things i'm probably halfway to immortality.

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lots of really random odds and ends

just some crap i've come across that i thought i'd put out there.

-a couple quick vids from the saints preseason game over the weekend. i didn't get to watch it as it wasn't on in dallas, but it looked like more of the same...plenty of offense...not enough defense.



-living amongst cowboy fans...its really something


-can whoever reminded the rangers that they are supposed to suck ass go back and re-brainwash them into thinking they are a .500 baseball team?? they've now lost 9 of 11, and it now appears ian kinsler will join david murphy on the list of rangers done for the year.

-turns out your favorite javelin thrower sucks hind teet. after the 1st round of qualifying she was 51st. moose knuckle.


-apparently the spaniards do not have the market cornered on offending the host country of the olympics. argentina's women's soccer team chinese, argentina's women's soccer team play joke....


-and finally, on a sad note, i had a horrible realization last night. i realized that the bama/clemson game coincides with the lady friend's birthday extravaganza. i'm not saying i won't get to watch any of it, but catching all 4 quarters is not very f'ing likely. the question is, will i be disgusted with it by the second half anyway??

guess which person in this picture represents me

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Monday, August 18, 2008

uncle rico's "half fast" sec predictions

exactly 4 readers (from the new orleans area) will get the joke in the title...but i digress. here you go, uncle rico's predictions for the sec. before you tear me a new arsehole, a few points.

-i actually went through the schedule and predicted each game. i didn't put a whole helluva lot of time or thought into it, but i at least wanted all the numbers to work out.

-that being said, since its tough to predict upsets before the season even starts, things tend to get out of hand when you do this. for example, its very easy to get about 9 games into "predicting" a season and all of a sudden look at a team and be like "there's no f'ing way that team is going to be 8-1 after 9 games," so then you feel obligated to force a loss on them, or vice versa.

-you should know before you even look at them that i didn't truly declare a winner in the west. vagina?? maybe...but i truly feel the west is up for grabs. no, i don't think bama will win the west, but they ended up with the same conference record as lsu and aubbie, so i just listed them in alphabetical order.

-and finally, i say all of this to say that these rankings are shit. i agree with various parts of my results to varying degrees, but a blogger has certain things he feels obligated to do. so let it rip.

west
alabama 8-4 (5-3)
auburn 8-4 (5-3)
lsu 9-3 (5-3)
ole miss 7-5 (3-5)
state 6-6 (3-5)
arkansas 5-7 (2-6)

east
florida 11-1 (7-1)
uga 10-2 (6-2)
tennessee 9-3 (5-3)
cocks 7-5 (4-4)
kentucky 5-7 (2-6)
vandy 4-8 (1-7)

championship game
florida over [insert sacrificial lamb from west]

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tim tebow wears julio jones pajamas


HT: roll bama roll

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monday quick hits: still feelin' "olympicky"

don't worry, the football posts are coming, but for the time being i'm still hooked on the olympics.

-the "redeem team" appears to be dead set on doing just that..."redeeming" the usa hoops program. after whipping a team that embarrassed them 4 years ago (greece) at the end of last week, team usa beat down the current world champs (spain) by 28 on saturday. and they are doing it in a very non-nba fashion...with selfless play and insane defense. they are taking on dirk and ze germans as we speak.

-holy shit. did you see the men's 100 meter final?? it was probably the most impressive thing i've ever seen in track and field. jamaican usain bolt, who's only been running the 100 meters for about a year (supposedly his specialty is actually the 200 meters), shattered the world record despite cutting his engine at about 85 meters so he could begin his high stepping, chest thumping celebration as early as possible. former 100 meter champ ato bolden, who was calling the event, said he may have thrown away a 9.59 with that celebration. wow. american favorite tyson gay failed to qualify with his lingering hammy problems, but teammate walter dix did manage to score a bronze. on a much more obscure note, the jamaican women swept all 3 medals in the women's 100 meters. so a country of 2.8 million (less than the dfw area) just won 4 of the 6 100 meter medals. so what the hell is in the water in jamaica??

-are you tired of michael phelps mania yet?? b/c i'm not. this dude is as dominant in his sport relative to his competition as anyone i've ever seen in any sport. you have to keep in mind the people who's ass he is kicking have been doing all the same things he has for the last 4 years. wake up, eat, swim, eat, workout, eat, swim, sleep, do it all over again. yet despite that fact, he owns every single one of them. how about that finish on friday night with him winning by a finger nail?? we've all seen the highlights of his swims, so here's a pretty good interview of phelps just being himself, including accepting the challenge of now legendary jackass chad johnson.



-as you know, i've been the first to admit that my olympic fever has a certain amount of gayness to it. well nothing will cure gayness like lusting after a beautiful woman. i'm sure you were wondering who the hottest olympian is, and if its not this chick, she's definitely in the conversation. leryn franco throws the javelin for paraguay (like you care). i don't have any idea if she is any good at her particular event, and i don't care (neither do you). qualifying for women's javeline starts tonight (like you care). enjoy.

just thought i'd show that she actually does compete on an olympic level

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Friday, August 15, 2008

the weekend comes quick when you skip monday and tuesday

so here we are...another weekend. we only have this weekend and next until its full throttle college football. this one is shaping up to be a lazy one as its supposed to be pretty rainy around these parts. next week i promise to be back on the ball with plenty of college and pro football talk including some season predictions. right now, a few quick hits and your weekly farewell you tubeage.

-the sec and cbs agreed to a record 15 year deal to broadcast the sec's football and basketball games through the year 2023. damn that's a long time!! i'll be damn near 45 years old when that thing runs out. cbs feels pretty good about it though b/c as they put it, "the sec is the gold standard for college athletics." when you're right, you're right.

-first they were gonna play...then they weren't gonna play...now it appears they're gonna try to play again. apparently a game with va tech next year is not yet out of the question for alabama. i hope they can make this happen.

-for those of you making the trip back to t'town this fall (or if you're already there) you'll be glad to know that the houndstooth is fully renovated and open for business. and judging by the pictures, you may not recognize the place. the 'tooth is hard to beat on gameday, and i look forward to visiting the finished product. i'm sure it won't smell the way it used to, but as long as i can still get some bbq nachos from "big bad wolf's" out front, i'm on board.

-and finally, the world was a better place when bubba sparxxx used to crank up college gameday every saturday...you know, before espn gayed out with big and rich.

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confession: i have olympic fever

i'm traditionally not one for watching the olympics. there are usually a handful of specific athletes or specific events i'm interested in, and not much else. now i wasn't always this way. when i was a kid i thought the olympics were the coolest thing in the world. i'm sure at some point i even fancied myself a future olympic athlete. well this year is apparently a blast from the past. i got a late start due to being on vacation for the first 4 or 5 days of the olympics. however, the last two nights i have been glued to it. i only took time out on wednesday night to watch hard knocks, and last night i had to make myself turn it off to go to sleep at 11pm. i'm pretty much watching whatever they're putting on in prime time. for example, the last 2 nights i've watched:

-swimming-men's, women's, relays, medleys, whatever...i'm watching it all. obviously phelps is a huge attraction, and maybe that's what got me in the door, but i'm sticking around for all of it. also, let it be known that phelps is god.

-volleyball-men's, women's, beach, indoor, whatever...i'm watching it all. i prefer the men's beach variety, but i'm not gonna lie, may-treaner and walsh have sucked me in. i've also gotten sucked into the men's indoor game, which i think may be underrated. these dudes are all in the 6'6" to 7' range and can freakin' sky.

-gymnastics-gay...i know. however let me start by saying i do not watch the men's gymnastics. i have to admit though, last night it was all i could do to pull myself away from the women's individual finals.

now one common thread with these things is that america kicks ass at all of them, so its probably not a coincidence that i'm watching those specifically. i can't even imagine what i'm going to do when track and field gets rolling as that's usually the only thing i care about. oh well, at least i'll still ignore the winter olympics.

gerry

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Thursday, August 14, 2008

so you want to be an olympic weightlifter??


and now some still shots...


that's a little something i like to call "dislocating your elbow with 325lbs over your head."

EDIT: apparently nbc doesn't like the video they paid so much money for to be on you tube. so here is a link as well as some stills...click for larger.

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well it ain't the swimsuit issue, but...


look at that hair...those well groomed brows...those gleaming teeth...oh yeah...he's a cover boy. not only is he a cover boy, but he's on the cover forbes?? really?? i mean given the subject matter, i guess it makes sense, i just never would have guessed it. here is a link to the article referring to the saban as the "sports' most powerful coach." not a terrible article, but also didn't tell me anything i didn't know. more than anything i just like it for comedic effect. there is also a list of links to some other college football articles by forbes. here are a couple:

-a list of the best and worst coaches in terms of "bang for the buck". you may be surprised to find that the saban not in their top 5 most overpaid.

-i've seen this list before as its from last fall, but its the always interesting most valuable (and profitable) college football programs. this just in, the teams in the sec are both very valuable and very profitable.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

he's a bad mutha...SHUT CHO MOUTH!!!

i'm still trying to get my bearings back in terms of work and everything else, so i'm having trouble putting a decent post together. so instead i'll attempt to appease you with you tubeage.

he hasn't even played a down yet, and he's already a fan favorite. who is he?? he's new bama defensive lineman terrance cody...and he's a biscuit away from 400lbs...but he doesn't move like it. enjoy the unintentional comedy.


terrance cody is a bad mutha...shut cho mouth!! the man who wrote those words (the last part at least) has left us. although he will largely be remembered by my generation as "chef" from south park, he would have never become "chef" if he hadn't been "shaft." so enjoy this.

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stupid real world

well we're back from what was one of the best battery recharges we've had in a long time. a quick review: sawgrass was awesome. whether it was rust or nerves, the front 9 owned me, but i returned the favor and whipped the back 9's ass. i spent almost as much time cruising around the INSANE clubhouse as i did on the course. very cool place. i've heard jacksonville has some highly mediocre beaches, but the one i went to was pretty solid. some nice looking ladies there in jacksonville too. i came away wondering if the person who works as a bartender to pay rent and to spend their life as a beach bum is the one who has it figured out. on the flight down there i sat next to "THAT" gator fan. his finer points?? gator/tim tebow edition crocs...check. sunglasses during an entire flight that took off at 8:50pm cst and landed at damn near midnight est...check. repeatedly telling me about how godly tebow was and how there is no doubt the gators were going undefeated this year...BIG check. the only thing that kept me from having to put on the ipod to block him out was the booze he no doubt drank at the airport finally taking effect. however, he was not the greatest character i ran into on the trip to florida. a day at the beach on saturday ended with numerous beers at a beachside patio bar. well who comes and immediately makes the panties of every woman in the bar wet...this guy...

just wow

my schedule was so full that i fell completely out of the sports loop. the only thing i really saw was various olympic events b/c that is what is on every tv in every bar and restaurant right now. so what did we miss?? some preseason football and apparently aaron rodgers thinks a few completions in the preseason means he's overtaken brett favre in green bay. paddy harrington is taking full advantage of the tigerless majors...good for him. college football scrimmages across the country...it's almost here. i'll get back to the sports talk here momentarily, but i had to first get my bearings back after being off the grid for a few days. in the meantime, i'm off to make that ever so difficult transition from vacation brain to real world brain.

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Friday, August 8, 2008

'bout damn time!!!

you were worried about me weren't you. now go and read the shit i've been senslessly posting over the last 36 hours. the quality is immeasurable.

ps-you can now officially access this blog at www.unclericostimemachine.com (i.e. no "blogspot"). you will be redirected for the time being, but i have no idea how long that will last. we're pretty awesome.

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eff it...i'm starting my weekend

i don't know what the hell is going on around here. obviously blogger is letting me post, you just can't get to them...yet. i'm just going to keep on posting in the hopes that blogger will stop sucking at any moment. i'm heading to jacksonville later today for a little mini vacation. there will be good food, poolin', boatin', beachin', boozin' (i'll probably have to break my bud light embargo as i know that's what the fridge will be stocked with), and some golfin'. not just any golfin' though...your boy gerry will be teeing off tomorrow morning at a little place called sawgrass. they may regret it for everyday thereafter, but that's none of my concern.


what will you be doing?? watching the olympics no doubt, b/c the olympics are fucking awesome. there's always the tigerless pga championship, which is flying waaaayyyyy under the radar. preseason nfl?? that's fun for about a quarter. i do know what one person will be doing tomorrow as tyrone prothro will be graduating. a nice ending to the shitty story that is his football career at bama.

will i post on monday or tuesday? who knows...that depends on blogger as much as anything else. they need to get their shit together soon, b/c the season is right around the corner and i've got some things i need to get out there. have a good (extended) weekend kids. i send you off into the wilderness with jacksonville's own shinedown. DEE-VOW-WAH!!

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Thursday, August 7, 2008

ranger talk that you'll never see

this is borderline old news now, but it took a day to find the you tube, and then blogger starting f'ing with me, so here it is. rangers manager ron washington did some really cool shit the other night. wash came out to yank cj wilson's ass after giving up a grand slam to "the human windmill" richie sexton, and apparently cj wasn't happy about. before wash could even get all the way out to the mound, cj flip the ball to him and started to walk off. wash grabbed his arm, gave the ball back to him, and basically told him to give him the ball the right way. check the video.


my boy wash is old school, and he's not going to let a player show up the manager like that. also very interesting was the way the team immediately united behind wash and said that cj's behavior was not acceptable. this team has the kind of unity and chemistry that is very hard to find, and it has accounted for more than a few wins this year. to cj's credit, he did end up apologizing to both his team and to wash. oh yeah, i almost forgot, cj has been put on the dl with bone spurs in his elbow. this is probably a good thing.

apparently cj did not enroll in the university of washington

-in other ranger injury news, david murphy is out 2-4 weeks with a strained ligament in his knee after colliding with pudge rodriguez at the plate last night. i can only hope the loss of murphy does not rock the boat too much as he is not only a great chemistry guy, but has come through in the clutch on more than one occasion.

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google blogger is kicking my ass

if you're reading this, either blogger has gotten their shit together or you're visiting us via google reader (thank you for having us on your reader list). for some reason it is impossible to enter the site via the homepage, but you can sneak in via singular posts. google "help group" (they throw the term "help" around loosely) tells me that this is a widespread problem, however they offer absolutely no timeframe on when things might get better. does anyone have wordpress' number??

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"jett" favre...get it??


there some things that we here at uncle rico spare you the pain of talking about: women's sports that don't involve really hot chicks (i don't mean "sports hot," i mean REALLY hot), espn's current fabricated story/competition (see "titletown"), and last but not least, the brett favre soap opera. well it appears to have finally come to a merciful end (for now) as favre has been traded to the jets for conditional draft pick. now i've always been a brett favre fan
, but he's spent this summer acting pretty douchey. that being said, the packers were acting pretty douchey themselves, so some of brett's douchiness was in response to the packers douchiness. in any event, i'm sure you all have opinions on the subject, so you finally have a forum. tear it up.

in other nfl news, hbo hard knocks: cowboys training camp debuted last night. i don't care what anyone thinks, i love this damn show. it's not b/c i'm a cowboys fan (b/c i'm not), but this team is absolutely made for this show. lots of personalities who do not fear being in front of the camera. i highly recommend you check this out if you weren't planning on it already. here's a preview...and by preview i mean 10 damn minutes.

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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

quick hits: college football diarrhea edition

wow!! it seems like all the media outlets have just realized over the last 48 hours or so that college football is right around the corner. rankings, predictions, columns, etc all popping up across the internets.

-stupac mandel gets his mailbag rolling and lists bama as one of 3 teams that could sneak into the top 15...which means they'll probably go 4-8 now. he talks about other stuff too.

-joel over at rocky top talk has his logo rankings up. very interesting that a tennessee man ranks bama as numero uno. be sure to check out the other logo rankings he has going on over there as well.

-pat forde is back and he's reviewing the depth, quality, ego, salaries, and so on of the sec coaching fraternity. both the saban's salary and media guide bio are only ranked number 2 in the league. so modest. forde goes on to write an entire column on how much it sucks to be the head coach of vandy.

-most of you probably know where i stand on recruiting (call me when the first week in february rolls around), but for those of you who are interested, espn has released the espn 150.

-and finally, a heaping helping of bullshit preseason rankings here, here, here, and here.

disclaimer: these quick hits are simply designed to get your college football wienie wigglin', b/c when it really comes right down to it...

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some old school defense

with nothing really blowing my skirt up this morning-other than football creeping ever closer-i thought i'd put up some old school defense footage.

first, the "dome patrol" of the 80's and 90's get some major d-sucking from everyone except steelers fans


and now a little copeland and curry(s). its funny to see how early 90's everyone is in this video, including kyper's hair helmet in its infant stage.

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

was don shula busy??

are you one of those dudes who wears headphones at the sporting event so you can listen to the radio broadcast?? well first of all, you may want to take a look at yourself, b/c you may be a douche bag. however if you are a crimson tide fan planning on listening to the espn broadcast of the august 30th game against clemson, do you know who you will hear?? dennis fucking franchione. that's right. he'll be teaming up with dave barnett to call the game for espn radio. i mean this makes complete sense...bama fans love him, he's a great public speaker, and his voice isn't annoying at all.


i'm sure it'll go smoothly though. its not like bama fans are known to hold a grudge...or live in the past (HEYOOOO!!!).

might wanna keep the levels on those mics pretty low

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do the byrd dance!!

how many dog piles at home plate can one team have?? the rangers have had 7 walk off wins compared to only 5 all of last season. it seems to be a different player stepping up each time, and this time it was marlon byrd. the rangers scored 9 runs on a 2 run hr (murphy), a 3 run hr (young), and byrd's grand slam. byrd's post game celebration included the home plate dog pile, high fiving fans in the front row (including team president nolan ryan), doing the byrd dance back to the fans, and a water cooler drenching by ian kinsler. and of course, its always a little sweeter to do these things against the yankees.


however, it wasn't all fun and games at the ballpark last night, as there was a death at the stadium...and it occured on jason giambi's upper lip. the slumping giambi murdered the stache in an effort to change his luck. well it worked. giambi went 3-4 with a dinger and 2 rbi's. one can only hope the tickler makes a comeback.


let's take a look back at the greatness of the giambi-stache

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Monday, August 4, 2008

a tip from your uncle rico (# 823)

never get into a fight with anyone that can be considered an old man...you have nothing to gain. if you whip his ass, then all you did was whip an old man's ass. and god forbid you let the old man whip your ass...

this happened 15 years ago today

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monday quick hits: some ridiculousness to offset the sadness

-to begin the sadness, gene stallings' son john mark passed away on saturday at the age of 46. john mark spent most of his life as a living, breathing miracle as he was born with down sydrome and never given a chance to see his teenage years. during stallings' tenure as alabama head coach, john mark become something of a symbol of the team with his infectious smile and undying love for the tide.


-and now in more sad news, longtime braves' broadcaster skip carey has passed away at the age of 68. as a baseball fan who grew up in a non baseball market, i had only two options...the cubbies on wgn or the braves on tbs. on wgn it was day games with harry carey and steve stone, and on tbs it was skip carey. those are some of the first voices i can recall in my sports fandom.

-to get back to happy thoughts, the football seal was truly broken this weekend. the tide began fall practice and the nfl had its hall of fame weekend. can you smell it?? 27 days.

the unveiling of some dude named julio

-i had to abruptly hang up my cell phone, switch it to camera mode, and take a picture all while doing about 60 mph. so since i almost killed myself getting this picture with my cell phone, so i figured i'd better show it to you.


-and now, to truly offset the sadness and to help get your monday off on the right foot, i bring you a family guy clip i caught this weekend that had me laughing my ass off. enjoy.

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